Help different opinions on moving my mum to different home

[Pethead]

hi help and advice needed

My mum is currently in a normal residential home That I think are struggling to cope with my mum who has mixed advanced Alzheimer’s and lacks mental capacity my siblings ( unfortunately not me) are her deputies the home are increasing struggling to get my mum up and she is regularly missing meals. She is loosing weight the home have on a number of occasions said that can’t understand my mum and she is isolated none of the other residents talk to her

I want to look into to move her into a dementia specialist home that has the training to help her especially now she is loosing weight because they are struggling to get her up I know she has missed at least 1meals a day 4 days this month alone ( they may be more they was certainly some in June and July because they hadn’t been able to get her up and not made sure that she has eaten the meals they bring her . I have brought this up with my siblings but they disagree they won’t even consider looking at alternative care homes . I have had to beg them to buy her summer clothes when it was warm ( she was wearing thick winter trousers and jumper in the middle of the heatwave because she didn’t have any summer weight clothes it’s got to the point where they totally ignore anything I say especially if it includes using mums money ( it’s like they think it’s their already)

I know there is no cure and things are only will only get worse she has deteriorated a lot in the past 3 months I only want her looked after properly with carers who properly trained to deal with her so she is has comfortable has possible it cannot be doing her any good missing meals

They say we have to wait until they say they cannot cope with her but I can see they are not coping now and there is not a thing I can do nothing about it all I get is that dementia specialist homes won’t offer anything else


I will never forgive them because in my eyes they are not looking after mums best interest she is waisting away in front of me all-they are bothered about is inheritance

 

[MaNaAk]

hi help and advice needed

My mum is currently in a normal residential home That I think are struggling to cope with my mum who has mixed advanced Alzheimer’s and lacks mental capacity my siblings ( unfortunately not me) are her deputies the home are increasing struggling to get my mum up and she is regularly missing meals. She is loosing weight the home have on a number of occasions said that can’t understand my mum and she is isolated none of the other residents talk to her

I want to look into to move her into a dementia specialist home that has the training to help her especially now she is loosing weight because they are struggling to get her up I know she has missed at least 1meals a day 4 days this month alone ( they may be more they was certainly some in June and July because they hadn’t been able to get her up and not made sure that she has eaten the meals they bring her . I have brought this up with my siblings but they disagree they won’t even consider looking at alternative care homes . I have had to beg them to buy her summer clothes when it was warm ( she was wearing thick winter trousers and jumper in the middle of the heatwave because she didn’t have any summer weight clothes it’s got to the point where they totally ignore anything I say especially if it includes using mums money ( it’s like they think it’s their already)

I know there is no cure and things are only will only get worse she has deteriorated a lot in the past 3 months I only want her looked after properly with carers who properly trained to deal with her so she is has comfortable has possible it cannot be doing her any good missing meals

They say we have to wait until they say they cannot cope with her but I can see they are not coping now and there is not a thing I can do nothing about it all I get is that dementia specialist homes won’t offer anything else


I will never forgive them because in my eyes they are not looking after mums best interest she is waisting away in front of me all-they are bothered about is inheritance

Dear Pethead,

You could try looking at other care homes on your own and explain the situation to them and once you've found a few that you think are suitable tell your siblings or at least put your mum's down on their waiting lists. If you are still concerned about your siblings lack of concern then I may not know much about deputess but I do know about attorneys. You could threaten to report them to the Office Of The Public Guardian by highlighting your concerns for your mum. After all you have your mum's best interest at heart.

Good Luck

MaNaAk

 

[Pethead]

Thanks deputies they control all my mums bank account and pay my mums care bills and other things clothes ect I have looked at other homes in the town but they won’t even consider them All I get it’s the Alzheimer’s and it will be the same wherever she is they will not listen to anything I say my dad died 12 months ago they won’t even arrange a stone for him ( even though that’s what my mum would do if she could she no longer Remember him at all ) I can’t even mourn him properly and now they are pushing me out of what time my mum has

 

[Kevinl]

They're burying their heads in the sand, they'll soon change their tune if the home says they can no longer cope and gives them 28 days (or less) notice to get her moved out.
As has been said, they should be looking now as they may well be a waiting list and if the current home can see your working with them and have her name down they may put up with her for that bit longer until a place becomes available, don't and they may give you notice.
Threads on here by people in a panic as they're PWD has been given notice by a care home come up regularly and when you have to make the move urgently you may not be able to get the place you prefer, it's a matter of anywhere that'll take her so you could end up paying over the odds because that's the only place available so you have to take it, it could also be that it's not in a convenient location for visiting or simply that you don't like it.
Panic purchases aren't usually the best option so they're digging a hole for themselves and mum and quite possibly her money too.
K

 

[brambles]

Hi pethead,

I am sorry you are having problems with your mum and your siblings.

I know this doesn't solve the whole problem, but could the care home not keep an eye on your mum and check she is eating her meals, even if she is having them in her room. To me this is just part of caring. The problem of not eating is not restricted just to people with dementia, any of the other residents could have the same problem.

brambles x

 

[Sirena]

I agree that your mother needs to be cared for by people who understand her condition and can support her a bit better. I suspect that it will shortly turn out as Pete has said - the current home will give her notice to quit because they will be unable to meet her needs. My friend's father was in residential but his advancing dementia made him increasingly difficult to cope with and the CH told him to leave in short order, I think my friend only had 7 days to find somewhere else. He was self-funded so they were able to arrange it quickly but it was still a scramble. The siblings will then have no choice but to move her. I don't know how much the current home charges, but a dementia home may not be that much more anyway.

 

[love.dad.but..]

It is by far better for resident and family to have a managed move rather than a crisis move when the home can no longer cope. Could you arrange a family meeting to discuss the situation your concerns about your mum's needs being met now and as she declines and that the weight loss is being monitored by the home and investigated if necessary. It may be due to decline or understanding of what and why of food...this happened to my dad and is quite common... but I would want her to be supervised at meal times either in her room or better still if she would eat in the dining area... in terms of seeing and recording in food charts what and how much she eats.