imsoblue

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
find out if there is a new POA and if not, change the address back to our house. If there's a new POA......well, there is a strong possiblity that there will be a divorce.
Make any decision to safeguard your economic interests, and then, come what it may.
How can you fight against his daughters? You have to do with a man who is being manipulated and , at the same time, can't realize what is happening because he doesn't reason. Also normal people seldom realize they are being manipulated, let alone those who have dementia.
Think of yourself and of your economic interests.
You say his daughters are stealing your OH from you.
Let them "win". Some victories turn into the worst defeats, this is what will happen to them.
Take care of yourself,
((((hugs))))
M.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
You have got to protect yourself and your assets.
I would recommend that you go and see what I think is termed an elder care attorney ie an attorney who specialises in care for elderly people.
It really does sound to me as though there is a new POA :(
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Oh @imsoblue :(
I’m so sorry, you are certainly in a very difficult position. I agree that you must protect your own financial interests and that a visit to an attorney / lawyer is urgent.
If there is a new POA, it’s validity or otherwise will of course depend on whether your OH has sufficient mental capacity to change it.
Before you do anything, can I suggest you ask yourself what’s best for you in this situation? Do you want to retain POA against all the odds? Or is it better to let OO get on with it (if that is what’s happening) and you see OH when you can, but absolved of financial responsibility?
Above all, look after yourself, your sons and the grandkids :)
Love
Lindy xx
 

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
355
0
Totally consumed with meetings and people at work but it’s been confirmed that OO’s husband is the new POA.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Totally consumed with meetings and people at work but it’s been confirmed that OO’s husband is the new POA.

Did no-one have to notify you of this??
Incredible situation :eek: Please do protect yourself and your family xx
Thinking of you
Lindy xx
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
Make any decision to safeguard your economic interests, and then, come what it may.
How can you fight against his daughters? You have to do with a man who is being manipulated and , at the same time, can't realize what is happening because he doesn't reason. Also normal people seldom realize they are being manipulated, let alone those who have dementia.
Think of yourself and of your economic interests.
You say his daughters are stealing your OH from you.
Let them "win". Some victories turn into the worst defeats, this is what will happen to them.
Take care of yourself,
((((hugs))))
M.
I totally support and agree with everything @margherita says here. She’s captured what is happening and analysed it really rationally.

This is a time when emotions, however painful, simply must be set aside. Reason has to prevail. This is for your own safety and survival.
 

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
355
0
I have cried a river. Faked my way though my workday acting as if all was well in my life. Headed to my friend's house afterwards (this is a friend that I met when both our first husbands left us and we had the same counselor who introduced us 27 years ago.) She never remarried. Her word to me "Celebrate!" and she's a social worker who worked for Alzheimer's Association in our town. She knows what was ahead of me.
@margherita send me your address! I'm coming to help you! hahahahah just kidding. I have to work on reframing what is happening to me and my marriage.
OH called my cell at 11:11 and 11:12 today Facetime. I'm sure it was a mistake. I didn't answer. I will not answer. I will not visit. I will not answer or respond to any step daughter. I will not remind of doctor appointment Thursday for high blood pressure. I am hurt. So hurt.
Sons #1 and #2 have been the best. I think they got burned too. They did not expect this. They fought this along with me. Son #2 who is an attorney said this is no big deal, it is a legal move that doesn't affect your life yet, BUT it's the gall! (the way it happened...I was not told.) He had called OH a few months ago and told him at one point, "you are going to miss my mom." My friend kept saying, "he sure shot himself in the foot." Yes, he has dementia. The daughters don't.
Sons talked together and their conclusion is that OH whined and complained about not being in control and that I was so they just did what he wanted "New POA!"
I will not let this get me down. I will cry. I will rant. But THEY will never know. I will keep in the back of my mind the word "celebrate" and as my support group facilitator said "This is a gift. Take it."
I have much ahead of me. Will new POA sue me for OH half of my house? Will divorce be filed?
When Son #1 got the news he texted back "When he calls, say call POA" "Appointment? Call POA." They are hurt too.
Onward!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
The people around you are giving good advice - please take it @imsoblue

I dont know the law surrounding divorce where you are (heck, Im not even sure about it in this country!), so you need to take legal advice, quickly. The first thing you must do is make sure all your money, bank accounts etc are in your name only so that they cannot be touched. If your son is an attorney that is a gift - ask him about all the legalities to do with separation and/or divorce. It may be that legal separation is the way to go so that you do not end up with any debt that he may rack up and you can no longer control.

Sons talked together and their conclusion is that OH whined and complained about not being in control and that I was so they just did what he wanted "New POA!"
I think the sons are probably right. Control (or the lack of it) is a huge deal for people with FTD - they see that they are losing control, but do not understand why and think it is because others are taking it away. They often spend terrific amounts of energy trying to take it back. I have regularly been accused by OH of taking him over and preventing him from doing things.

I think the daughters may discover that they have a tiger by the tail.
 

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
355
0
If you are interested, google Tim Conway dementia. You may know him from The Carol Burnett Show and even further back, McHale's Navy. His daughter is suing his wife for guardianship.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
If you are interested, google Tim Conway dementia. You may know him from The Carol Burnett Show and even further back, McHale's Navy. His daughter is suing his wife for guardianship.
Oh my goodness!!!! Thanks for this!!!
 

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