Rude carers

[Lemondrizzle]

My MIL has carers come in a few times a day to ensure she takes her tablets and give her her meals. A new carer has just come onto her rota and is causing me a rather unusual concern. We have access to the carers' logs electronically. We can therefore monitor how each visit went and take any action necessary. However, this new carer seems to have an issue with us. We have CCTV in mum's house so we can keep an eye on the carers arrival if we need to ask them anything. The new carer is feeding back inaccurate reports of the situation and quite frankly I find her logs rude and upsetting. I have been trying to decide how to handle the first occurence of this when she wrote somethingsnippy about my husband after he had asked her to do something. The latest incident though is that on Saturday night I "ordered" her to do something and then abruptly terminated the call. This is simply not the case and not how I would deal with things anyway. I asked her to do something and I asked her kindly, told her I was very grateful and we ended the call with the usual pleasantries. Looking at her log for the next visit she has made some digs at us and indicated that she has mentioned something numerous times to no avail. I don't know who she has mentioned them to because it was the first I had heard about it. She also makes a comment about mum needing walking aids when she has to walk past the aids to get into any room in the house!

I know I need to deal with this and I guess I should do it in writing but I seem to have had to chase them up on so much lately I am worried they will give us notice. It took a long time to find a company that covered MIL's area that didn't charge astronomical fees and generally the physical care she receives is very good. There have been other digs made by another of the carers which have only happened after this one started at the company. It is clear from things in the logs that there are also uncomplementary behind the scenes conversations going on.

I really would welcome anyone else's perspective on this.

LD

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Lemondrizzle

We put a baby video monitor in with Mum in the last few weeks, it was the only way to catch her trying to get out of bed if we were out the room. Some of the carers were not happy about it being there. I heard from other carers they were complaining about it Basically, the good carers couldn’t care less about it being there, but others were not comfortable about being “watched” There were a few who didn’t like the Ring Doorbell either as it logged the time of arrival & departure

I too was very reluctant to make any comments, until 2 of the very experienced carers told me to just phone the office & say I didn’t feel they were a “good fit” with Mum. I didn’t have to say why, just that it seemed to upset her. I made it plain that I thought they were lovely girls, but they didn’t gel well with Mum, thus taking the sting out of not wanting them to visit

It could be worth a try

 

[Sirena]

I would just ask for this carer not to be sent again, I am sure the agency will be used to that type of request. When my mother first had carers she was able to make it known if she didn't like a particular carer, that happened twice and the agency replaced them without question (they both seemed fine to me, but my mother took against them). You don't have to give full details if you'd prefer not to, just say she isn't right.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I am a sort of tackle something that bothers me politely early doors type of person. I would phone the agency manager and either discuss your concerns about this carer especially if you feel that she is 'spreading her views' to other carers with whom you had no such problems before or as Sam and Sirena have suggested just say she is not a good fit although I suppose you may then be asked why. It should be expected that as trust from all parties is crucial for a positive care experience...so is integrity and honesty.

 

[marionq]

Our carers have phones supplied by their company which they use on arrival to record the time and also when they leave. They tell me that from time to time a client takes a dislike to them and they just accept that and move on and someone else takes over. If you are not happy then say so and make sure you specify which person is making you uncomfortable.

 

[Rosettastone57]

My MIL has carers come in a few times a day to ensure she takes her tablets and give her her meals. A new carer has just come onto her rota and is causing me a rather unusual concern. We have access to the carers' logs electronically. We can therefore monitor how each visit went and take any action necessary. However, this new carer seems to have an issue with us. We have CCTV in mum's house so we can keep an eye on the carers arrival if we need to ask them anything. The new carer is feeding back inaccurate reports of the situation and quite frankly I find her logs rude and upsetting. I have been trying to decide how to handle the first occurence of this when she wrote somethingsnippy about my husband after he had asked her to do something. The latest incident though is that on Saturday night I "ordered" her to do something and then abruptly terminated the call. This is simply not the case and not how I would deal with things anyway. I asked her to do something and I asked her kindly, told her I was very grateful and we ended the call with the usual pleasantries. Looking at her log for the next visit she has made some digs at us and indicated that she has mentioned something numerous times to no avail. I don't know who she has mentioned them to because it was the first I had heard about it. She also makes a comment about mum needing walking aids when she has to walk past the aids to get into any room in the house!

I know I need to deal with this and I guess I should do it in writing but I seem to have had to chase them up on so much lately I am worried they will give us notice. It took a long time to find a company that covered MIL's area that didn't charge astronomical fees and generally the physical care she receives is very good. There have been other digs made by another of the carers which have only happened after this one started at the company. It is clear from things in the logs that there are also uncomplementary behind the scenes conversations going on.

I really would welcome anyone else's perspective on this.

LD

I had something similar when my mother-in-law had carers into her home . We also had the electronic logs that we could view. I remember on one occasion my husband and I were at my mother-in-law's home for the care review . The lunchtime carer was still there helping my mother in law when the supervisor turned up. My mother-in-law started to become slightly aggressive towards us which was not unusual and I told her firmly but politely that the meeting was going to go ahead anyway After the meeting when I looked at the log I found that the carer who would only been there a few minutes anyway before her supervisor turned up had actually written how rude family members were to my mother-in-law and how upset my mother-in-law had been . When I asked my mother-in-law if she had been offended by me in fact she was quite used to me being assertive and firm she told me she wasn't it was the normal thing for me to speak like that. I complained to the management about this attitude and the log entry as I felt we have been portrayed poorly and in fact what she had put to the management was simply not the case. The response was that the carer had a duty to tell us if she felt there was anything that affected my mother-in-law's well being. I told the management this was unnecessary as we actually been there and all witnessed the whole conversation it was not as if we're not been there and something else have befallen my mother-in-law. The agency did not give us notice they wanted the money

 

[myss]

Hello @Lemondrizzle It would seem that you have two choices - confront the carer or ask the carer's management to send someone else instead.

As you've said that this carer may have conversations with our carers that put you in a bad light, personally I'd politely confront the carer, putting your side of the issues and asking her to explain what she wrote in the log. It could be a misunderstanding or assumption.
I'd even go as far as to record the conversation just in case proof was needed that what she wrote was wrong/exaggerated; unfortunately I have had to do this once by using the voice recorder of my mobile and leaving it on a table we were having our care review at due to a malicious accusation that was investigated and found to be unsubstantiated.

And even after all that, then they still didn't give us notice.

 

[Lemondrizzle]

Thank you so much for your replies. Rosettastone57 I think this is part of the problem. On occasion my husband has had to speak to MIL while a carer has been there and much as I have tried to imprint on him compassionate communication he just doesn't get it. I have heard him talk to her in a way that has caused me concern and I am working on it but he is scared and worried about his mum and I believe there is an element of denial. It was after one such incident that carer number 1 started making comments in her log, although it actually had nothing to do with anything being said, swiftly followed by carer number 2. None of the other carers make these comments and I just feel number 2 is out to cause trouble. I think there is also a lack of understanding of dementia with carers 1 and 2 as sometimes mum needs a firm hand and other times gentle cajoling. If she is refusing to do something for the carer, she can sometimes be persuaded to cooperate by us firmly telling her she must or gently cajoling. Most of the carers ring us direct if there is an issue or something is not going right but these two don't. I have already had one carer removed from her rota, really upset to be in this position again.