Grumpy OH

[Tinas7]

Hello MiA

My heart goes out to you. You seem to have so much going on with J’s family around you and illness I do not know how you manage to cope every day. You are such a strong woman. I hope you are able to take care of yourself as well as J.

Do you have brothers or sisters that can give you any assistance when you need to pop out to see the doctor? Maybe a brother that can sit so can you make that time Mia’s time.

Your daughters must be anxious about their dad & his illness as well as working it must be there on the mind 24/7. Hard to concentrate if that worry is there all the time, especially the daughter who is a nurse. NHS is stressful enough without the strain of a parent with D on your mind.

I hope his brother finds out what’s wrong and it’s nothing serious. If they are close being brothers they won’t have to do much talking just being there is enough.

Just noticed you comment about having the pool what a luxury right outside. You must miss it. Well take care. I am turning into a night hawk no sleep for T at the moment.

God bless xx

 

[Rosebush]

Hi @Rosebush I’m ok thanx how’s yourself. So pleased your granddaughter is on the mend .Us Granmas are brilliant with the goodies we know how to cheer them up . I know it’s sad you can’t get to see her is there no way someone can sit with your OH for a few hours . Or do they live a few hours away & you would need to stop over. Axx

Hi Beads, have had a text from my son and they will.becoming over on Monday so I will see my granddaughtet Lx

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads, have had a text from my son and they will.becoming over on Monday so I will see my granddaughtet Lx

Hi @Rosebush that’s fantastic news so pleased for you & your granddaughter will be so looking forward to seeing you. Axxx

 

[Beads]

Hi everyone,
Today I tried to explain to OH how frustrating my life is.
I should have known he wouldn't understand.
He thinks I should be pleased with caring for him, because , according to him, when someone loves their partner, caring is a pleasure.
I bit my tongue and left the room..
What else could I have done?
He has never loved or cared for anyone but himself

Oh @margherita if only they knew how we really feel .I know what you mean about only loving himself ,OH has always been the same .Im afraid I might not have been able to bite my tongue because if I had said the same my OH would have started with his potty mouth & then I need to have my say. It is frustrating because we bottle so much up & you are there 24/7 with your OH. He should appreciate all you do for him never mind “the caring is a pleasure”. Sending ((hugs)) your way thinking of you my friend. Axxx

 

[imsoblue]

Hi everyone,
Today I tried to explain to OH how frustrating my life is.
I should have known he wouldn't understand.
He thinks I should be pleased with caring for him, because , according to him, when someone loves their partner, caring is a pleasure.
I bit my tongue and left the room..
What else could I have done?
He has never loved or cared for anyone but himself

Remember you can't reason with an unreasonable person. I totally understand what you were trying to do. Just one iota of empathy, one acknowledgement of all that you have done for him,

 

[margherita]

Oh @margherita if only they knew how we really feel .I know what you mean about only loving himself ,OH has always been the same .Im afraid I might not have been able to bite my tongue because if I had said the same my OH would have started with his potty mouth & then I need to have my say. It is frustrating because we bottle so much up & you are there 24/7 with your OH. He should appreciate all you do for him never mind “the caring is a pleasure”. Sending ((hugs)) your way thinking of you my friend. Axxx

Hi @Beads,
I wonder if I shouldn't go to Milan for a couple of days, leaving OH on his own at home, come what it may. He might realize he can't manage and needs someone else to help him when I am away.
Or he might not.
I can't rely on his reasoning and judgement, I' m afraid.
Good night, dear friend.
Hope you are sound asleep

 

[margherita]

Remember you can't reason with an unreasonable person. I totally understand what you were trying to do. Just one iota of empathy, one acknowledgement of all that you have done for him,

You are right..but it seems impossible to me he can't understand such elementary things.
Our posts about (not) reasoning crossed.

How are you doing? Are you still under the positive effect of your short , but beautiful holiday with your friends?

 

[Beads]

Hi @Beads,
I wonder if I shouldn't go to Milan for a couple of days, leaving OH on his own at home, come what it may. He might realize he can't manage and needs someone else to help him when I am away.
Or he might not.
I can't rely on his reasoning and judgement, I' m afraid.
Good night, dear friend.
Hope you are sound asleep

Hi @margherita you should go to Milan for a couple of days , just tell your OH that a friend of yours is not well & you need to go see her. We have to tell little white lies now & then & you certainly deserve a break away from your 24/7 house arrest . Can your lady that helps out not pop in & see to him. You should just do it because the more you think about it you will not go. I know the reasoning is no longer there however in my case it never was with OH. I don’t intend telling OH I’m going away until a couple of days before I go. Think about yourself for once my friend because your OH isn’t . I know that is harsh but it’s the truth. I’m the same only I do have a bit more freedom up to now, but whose to say in the future what’s to come. So please just do it go & meet up with friends & enjoy yourself . No one deserves it more . Take care my friend speak soon .Axxx

 

[margherita]

Hi @margherita you should go to Milan for a couple of days , just tell your OH that a friend of yours is not well & you need to go see her. We have to tell little white lies now & then & you certainly deserve a break away from your 24/7 house arrest . Can your lady that helps out not pop in & see to him. You should just do it because the more you think about it you will not go. I know the reasoning is no longer there however in my case it never was with OH. I don’t intend telling OH I’m going away until a couple of days before I go. Think about yourself for once my friend because your OH isn’t . I know that is harsh but it’s the truth. I’m the same only I do have a bit more freedom up to now, but whose to say in the future what’s to come. So please just do it go & meet up with friends & enjoy yourself . No one deserves it more . Take care my friend speak soon .Axxx

Thanks for your support, Beads.
I' m planning to go and visit my son, whom I haven't seen for some months. He no longer lives near Milan, but in Lavagna, a nice little town by the sea, not far from Genova.
If I told OH about my plan , I'm sure he would say he wants to go, too and, therefore, my plan would miserably fail.
I'll tell him I have to do something urgent at home and I will actually go and visit my son WITHOUT him.
((((hugs)))

 

[Beads]

Thanks for your support, Beads.
I' m planning to go and visit my son, whom I haven't seen for some months. He no longer lives near Milan, but in Lavagna, a nice little town by the sea, not far from Genova.
If I told OH about my plan , I'm sure he would say he wants to go, too and, therefore, my plan would miserably fail.
I'll tell him I have to do something urgent at home and I will actually go and visit my son WITHOUT him.
((((hugs)))

I am so pleased you are going to see your son @margherita . A few days away will be great sounds lovely a little town near the sea. You do right to say that otherwise as you say he might want to go with you. When are you going then ? Axxx

 

[margherita]

I am so pleased you are going to see your son @margherita . A few days away will be great sounds lovely a little town near the sea. You do right to say that otherwise as you say he might want to go with you. When are you going then ? Axxx

In September, when most tourists are back home and my son is less busy. He works in the yachting sector and summer is a high peak season until mid September

 

[PalSal]

Thanks for your support, Beads.
I' m planning to go and visit my son, whom I haven't seen for some months. He no longer lives near Milan, but in Lavagna, a nice little town by the sea, not far from Genova.
If I told OH about my plan , I'm sure he would say he wants to go, too and, therefore, my plan would miserably fail.
I'll tell him I have to do something urgent at home and I will actually go and visit my son WITHOUT him.
((((hugs)))

@margherita good idea. Off you go ....alone.

 

[imsoblue]

You are right..but it seems impossible to me he can't understand such elementary things.
Our posts about (not) reasoning crossed.

How are you doing? Are you still under the positive effect of your short , but beautiful holiday with your friends?

Just when you think it can't get even worse, it has. I am not doing well at all. Have had 2 days of anxiety meds even! As I said, when you have a holiday, you still have to come back. I posted what felt like a novel on imsoblue.
You would wish to be in my situation. OH's daughters are stealing him from me

 

[margherita]

Just when you think it can't get even worse, it has. I am not doing well at all. Have had 2 days of anxiety meds even! As I said, when you have a holiday, you still have to come back. I posted what felt like a novel on imsoblue.
You would wish to be in my situation. OH's daughters are stealing him from me

I'll read your new post and answer on your thread

 

[Rosebush]

Hi Beads, had a lovely afternoon with my granddaughter and family she looked really well, I thought it wouldn't go well as OH woke up in a foul mood on Monday luckily by the time they came he had calmed down and he was ok for the rest of the day, unfortunately he was worse on Tuesday morning wouldn't have a shower, decided to feed his toast to the dog even though the vet has told him not to, same again on Wednesday and Thursday today he's been Mr happy I wonder what will happen tomorrow! at least he didn't give the dog the toast today. Lx

 

[margherita]

I wonder what will happen tomorrow! at least he didn't give the dog the toast today. Lx

What an emotional rollercoaster we have to cope with.
Your dog must have been disappointed today

 

[Beads]

In September, when most tourists are back home and my son is less busy. He works in the yachting sector and summer is a high peak season until mid September

Hi @margherita thats great news so pleased for you. Your OH will survive and the time apart will be good for you . You will be able to unwind & relax. Do what you want to do for a change. As I’ve said before no one deserves it more my friend. Axx

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads, had a lovely afternoon with my granddaughter and family she looked really well, I thought it wouldn't go well as OH woke up in a foul mood on Monday luckily by the time they came he had calmed down and he was ok for the rest of the day, unfortunately he was worse on Tuesday morning wouldn't have a shower, decided to feed his toast to the dog even though the vet has told him not to, same again on Wednesday and Thursday today he's been Mr happy I wonder what will happen tomorrow! at least he didn't give the dog the toast today. Lx

Hi @Rosebush how are you, so glad you had a lovely time with your family. So pleased your granddaughter is on the mend. From day to day we just dont know what mood our OHs are going to be in it’s good his mood had changed before they arrived . The dog will be devastated he’s getting no more toast, he’ll just have to settle for his numerous walks. I think he’ll be quite happy with that. Speak soon take care Axxx

 

[Beads]

Yesterday was SIL funeral our daughter drove us in her car as my car exhaust decided to blow just a day before .OH was fine & chatting away to his other family members . We didn’t get home until 7ish & by then he was absolutely shattered from trying to keep the host mode going all day. Today I have been food shopping on return late afternoon he had just got up & we are back to normal no speaking to me. Oh well I should be used to this by now . It will actually take him a few days to recover from yesterday as I think it drains them mentally trying so hard to keep up . Family members were saying to me he looks so well & can’t believe he has dementia. That’s how they come across to people that don’t see them very often. Then normal service is resumed once back home. Hope you all have a peaceful weekend .Axxx

 

[Beads]

Hi @MIA56 Thankyou for caring my friend just been busy. Yes me to I wonder the same . Yes she is at peace now bless her. Oh it’s awful I really feel for you .You know we always here when your ready to talk. That’s how it gets to us it’s sometimes so bl**dy hard to put into words. The impact is horrendous on us all .You also take care of yourself. Axxx