Need help

[MainA]

Hi, I’m brand new here but need to speak to someone who knows how I feel. My Dad hasn’t been officially diagnosed with dementia but shows a lot of the symptoms. He is currently in a state of confusion after being out wandering last night - I got a phone call from
Community alarm people at 4.05 saying he had left the house. He managed to lock himself out and luckily I found him.

Today he does t know what went on and doesn’t realise he is in his own home. Likelihood he will be a lot better in a few days but each one of these confused episodes is now getting worse than the last.

I need to get some more help and support to get mum Dad out as I do what I can, he also has 4 carers a day but him sitting in all day every day doesn’t seem to help him as you can imagine?? Any suggestions for support, I’m in the North East of Scotland.

Many thanks in advance,

Aly

 

[Shedrech]

hello @MainA
a warm welcome to TP
I see your location is Elgin and I know the care system in Scotland is not the same is in England, but maybe this link to local services may help - you may be able to find some day care
https://www.alzscot.org/services_and_support/search?location=elgin&category=&radius=&map=false
do your parents have a care co-ordinator/social worker, as it may be worth re-assessing your dad's care needs and accessing day care and respite
have you checked that your dad doesn't have a UTI as that can cause extra confusion - as can dehydration, especially in warm weather - definitely keep his doctor in the picture in case a tweak of meds may help
we do have other members in Scotland, so given time some may be along with more helpful ideas

 

[Blondee]

Hello Aly
Welcome to Talking Point.
It sounds as though your dad needs some more help other than what you have in place. When it gets to the stage that someone is out wandering particularly in the middle of the night then that’s a sign that may be more input than the family can provide is needed both to keep your dad safe and to help you continue coping. When you don’t know if someone is wandering in the middle of the night then you can’t sleep. And if you can’t sleep you can’t cope.
As Shedrech has said, the care system in Scotland is different. I’m in Scotland and I suggest the first thing you do is make an appointment with your dads GP. Explain about the wandering etc and they will likely refer them to the local memory clinic who will carry out some cognitive tests etc and then you can get a diagnosis. You will then be put in touch with a link worker who will be in contact with you and your dad for the next year and will put you in touch with the different services that are available. The memory clinic will also keep seeing your dad for a year and may prescribe cognitive enhancer medication. My mum had these and though the first one they tried was awful and had a terrible effect as it sometimes does, the second one was great for her and I’m convinced allowed her to have another year at home before she had to go into care.
And do you have Power of Attorney? If not, try to get it in place before you get a diagnosis. People need to be capBle of making decisions to agree and it makes everything much easier.
Also, when you see the GP etc be honest about what is happening. With my mum, although I needed help, my inclination was to try and underplay it, make excuses and try to protect her. Not helpful to anyone.
And I don’t know how you feel about your dad needing residential care in the future. If that is something you will consider then my advice is to look at care homes in the area sooner than later and get his name down on the list for ones you like.
I hope that’s helpful and I’m sorry if it’s a lot to take in but I wish I’d found this forum when mum was first diagnosed. Please keep posting here as time goes on even if it’s just to let off steam. You’ll always find someone to listen and hopefully help.
Denise