Missing my Mum

Josiejo

Registered User
May 21, 2014
26
0
Devon
Hello to anyone who is there.
Our darling Mum passed away on 26th March 2018
I thought I was coping
Turns out, I'm not
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello @Josiejo
I very much recognise how you are feeling
my mum died 12 years ago, after a stroke, the immediate weeks were busy, then life had to carry on and work was something to concentrate on, and considering how my dad was
it wasn't really until a few months later that it really did strike me that my lovely mum is no longer at the end of the phone so I can't call with a joy or sadness or moan to share, and that's when I felt truly low
I realised that grief and missing someone will be part of my life and decided to allow myself to feel whatever each moment brought, for a while, then deliberately remember a good moment and mum's smile and use that as a spur to carry on
I also gave myself permission to be not coping, as in truth that's how I was coping in a contrarywise way - there's no timetable or plan to grief it waxes and wains as it will
I still talk to my mum and miss her: the grief though no longer takes my breath away and I am so grateful that she was the mum she was, so thinking of her brings smiles amongst the sometimes teary eyes
I am glad you thought to write here on TP
much sympathy
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
Hello to anyone who is there.
Our darling Mum passed away on 26th March 2018
I thought I was coping
Turns out, I'm not

Sorry you are feeling this way @Josiejo My mum died six years ago and I still miss her. I think I plunged into looking after my dad who was distraught for a long time after and I just did not have the time to grieve properly.

I think it is quite a common feeling and it has still been a short time for you. I still talk to my mum and hope that she knows that I am looking after dad. I promised her that I would so I have. I don't really believe in afterlife or anything like that but I take comfort in the thought that she is at peace now and although I don't believe I still talk to her which is a bit odd I suppose. Only time can heal but it does stay with us and now I try to remember all of the happy times and how loving she was.

I know she would be pleased with me for looking after dad and that helps me a lot. I know she would be smiling at me.

Also I am a mum and when I die I want my son to go on and live a happy life and not worry about the what if's so I have told him that as long as he gives me a thought once a year on his birthday not mine, then I will be happy. He is to raise a glass to his mum on his birthday and say cheers mum and that will do. As long as he is happy I will be and that is what mums want.
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
Hello to anyone who is there.
Our darling Mum passed away on 26th March 2018
I thought I was coping
Turns out, I'm not

Sorry to hear that. It is still very early days with you. My Mum died in December last year and I still feel, not only sad, but sometimes shocked and surprised when I remember that she is gone. It is beginning to get a little better in that I am not sad and shocked quite as often - it used to be all the time.
I think it's right that you just accept that it will be terrible for a while and be very kind to yourself, allowing yourself time to rest and enjoy things (if possible) and to eat nourishing food etc.

Your mother will always be with you, and I totally agree that it helps to talk to Mum sometimes - it helps me, anyway.
My Mum loved flowers, so if I see some nice ones, I say, 'Look at that, Mum!' and share them with her. I've also planted a special pot in her favourite colours, blue and yellow.

You might like to think of something your Mum liked and do it as a form of honouring her and 'being with her'. I think these sort of rituals do help.

And keep coming on here to tell us how you feel. I've found such a lot of support from the lovely people on this forum.

Wishing you solace and strength. xxx
 

marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
0
my hubby passed away 17 months ago,he wanted to come home so after he passed away I kept his ashes at home with me,as that is where he would want to be, I still miss him so much and at times I will suddenly think of some thing he would have said ,and the tears flow for a while,I talk to him tell him Liverpool football results and ask him should I do so and so. I think having his ashes at home to me and my family it doesnt seem so final ]of course it is]. you must take your own time to get over your loss,and every one is different ,we all know how you feel and give you strength to carry on
 

Josiejo

Registered User
May 21, 2014
26
0
Devon
Thank you all so very much for responding and sharing your journeys and experiences with me.
My Mum was my best friend and Dementia robbed me of my Mum long before she passed away.
She was such a darling and so funny, I wish I could hug her and hold her tight
She suffered with her nerves and used to worry a lot, especially after my Dad passed away suddenly in 2003...she was heartbroken. I used to tell her everything was fixable and I made sure that i limited what she had to worry about...but I couldn't fix Dementia.
I know that grief is a journey and I will never stop grieving my Mum or Dad. Right now I just feel like nothing matters, I've got a good job, but actually i'm not sure I want it...I came close to handing in my notice this week..
Sorry to dribble on, tears are flowing as I type.
I send all my love to you all, this disease has such far reaching pain for so many people.
Thank goodness we have each other xxx
 

Winky1973

Registered User
Jul 28, 2017
8
0
Thank you all so very much for responding and sharing your journeys and experiences with me.
My Mum was my best friend and Dementia robbed me of my Mum long before she passed away.
She was such a darling and so funny, I wish I could hug her and hold her tight
She suffered with her nerves and used to worry a lot, especially after my Dad passed away suddenly in 2003...she was heartbroken. I used to tell her everything was fixable and I made sure that i limited what she had to worry about...but I couldn't fix Dementia.
I know that grief is a journey and I will never stop grieving my Mum or Dad. Right now I just feel like nothing matters, I've got a good job, but actually i'm not sure I want it...I came close to handing in my notice this week..
Sorry to dribble on, tears are flowing as I type.
I send all my love to you all, this disease has such far reaching pain for so many people.
Thank goodness we have each other xxx
 

Winky1973

Registered User
Jul 28, 2017
8
0
Hello...

I’m sitting here typing my reply with tears running down my face. Your post resonated so much with me.

I am an only child and like you, my Mum was my best friend.

Dementia took away that friend four years before Mum died. It was devastating to see and I know you will understand.

No one knows what it is like until they have been through it. It’s such a cruel disease and I don’t think I will ever get over watching what it did to my gorgeous, sparkling Mum.

It’s her first year anniversary tomorrow and I am struggling so much this week.

I feel like telling the world to “****** off” (that’s being polite)!

Thank you for posting. I don’t feel so alone now.

Sarah x
 

Josiejo

Registered User
May 21, 2014
26
0
Devon
Hello...

I’m sitting here typing my reply with tears running down my face. Your post resonated so much with me.

I am an only child and like you, my Mum was my best friend.

Dementia took away that friend four years before Mum died. It was devastating to see and I know you will understand.

No one knows what it is like until they have been through it. It’s such a cruel disease and I don’t think I will ever get over watching what it did to my gorgeous, sparkling Mum.

It’s her first year anniversary tomorrow and I am struggling so much this week.

I feel like telling the world to “****** off” (that’s being polite)!

Thank you for posting. I don’t feel so alone now.

Sarah x

Hi Sarah,

Be assured that I am sending you a big hug. You are not alone.
And I am totally with you in wanting to tell the world to **** off (you made me smile)
It is totally devastating and I cannot stop thinking about the last few days and the whole horrid journey...it's so cruel.

I do have a Brother and we are very close and he has been and still is my rock through all of this. But I still feel very alone, because of the relationship I had with my Mum that I miss so much

Thank you for responding and you are in my thoughts,

Tears still flowing !!

Take good care

Josie xx
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
I understand completely how you feel. It will be 2 years in 2 weeks that my mother died, after over 15 years of fighting Alzheimer's. I think of her every day and miss her always.

We moved last October and in one of the many :)eek:) boxes I had stored in the basement were the many letters my mother had written me in the 70s, 80s and 90s. It was lovely reading them again, as I could clearly hear her voice. It was also a little melancholic but I cherish those letters.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
1,138
0
Hello to anyone who is there.
Our darling Mum passed away on 26th March 2018
I thought I was coping
Turns out, I'm not

Grief has an awful way of creeping up on people - usually when it is least expected. Take care of yourself and try (I know it's hard) to remember your happier memories of your Mum
 

mumsgone

Registered User
Dec 23, 2015
924
0
Coming up to three years since i lost my mum on the 31st august. Devastated and still am. Found all the what would she want for her funeral so hard that as soon as i could i went and booked a prepaid funeral for myself and even have my ashes tube sat on my wardrobe. Surprisingly enough it made me feel better to know my son who is an only child will not have to rack his brain when i go !! Life goes on as they say but will never be the same without my guiding light so yes we all know how you feel xx
 

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