I'm not sure..

[Distressed55]

I'm not sure about whether my poor dad is nearing the end or not, so please feel free to tell me either way.

He is in a nursing home with vascular dementia, and spends most of his day asleep. He has not eaten for a week, but still drinks a little, but not very much. He was skin and bone before the not eating, so doesn't have much in the way of reserves. The nursing home are doing what they can to encourage him to eat, but he refuses everything and gets quite agitated if they persist, and are going to bring in a dietician in a week or so to see if they can help. I just think that he's had enough and wants to go.

I so so want his suffering to be over. He is so tiny and frail, just like a little bird. This horrible, horrible disease. And in the meantime my siblings don't visit and just want their inheritance.

Sorry, having a really bad day, hope that you all understand.

 

[Edu]

Hi distressed55
My mum had Alzheimer’s and passed away last Wednesday
She lost the ability to swallow food, drinks and meds. We cared for her at home and in the end it was the palliative nurses that were put in place to administer pain meds to keep her comfortable. Mum had also developed numerous bed sores in the space of a week. So the pain relief via injection was a blessing. Unfortunately, once loved ones stop eating or drinking, then the inevitable will happen sooner rather than later. My mum stopped eating and drinking on Friday and passed away on the following Wednesday. Please don’t apologise for how you feel. I was exactly the same, so stressed and worried that Mum was starving to death. Her doctor assured me that she wasn’t because the body begins to shut down and they don’t need food.
Please keep us posted on how your dad is doing.
Sending hugs xx

 

[Jale]

I'm not sure about whether my poor dad is nearing the end or not, so please feel free to tell me either way.

He is in a nursing home with vascular dementia, and spends most of his day asleep. He has not eaten for a week, but still drinks a little, but not very much. He was skin and bone before the not eating, so doesn't have much in the way of reserves. The nursing home are doing what they can to encourage him to eat, but he refuses everything and gets quite agitated if they persist, and are going to bring in a dietician in a week or so to see if they can help. I just think that he's had enough and wants to go.

I so so want his suffering to be over. He is so tiny and frail, just like a little bird. This horrible, horrible disease. And in the meantime my siblings don't visit and just want their inheritance.

Sorry, having a really bad day, hope that you all understand.

Didn't want to read and run, so sending hugs your way. Mum is very similar, not wanting to eat or drink and she is sleeping more - I don't know if it is the body's way of saying enough is enough or something to do with the weather (seems like a few people I have spoken to are having similar problems with their loved ones).

Take care

 

[Hazara8]

I'm not sure about whether my poor dad is nearing the end or not, so please feel free to tell me either way.

He is in a nursing home with vascular dementia, and spends most of his day asleep. He has not eaten for a week, but still drinks a little, but not very much. He was skin and bone before the not eating, so doesn't have much in the way of reserves. The nursing home are doing what they can to encourage him to eat, but he refuses everything and gets quite agitated if they persist, and are going to bring in a dietician in a week or so to see if they can help. I just think that he's had enough and wants to go.

I so so want his suffering to be over. He is so tiny and frail, just like a little bird. This horrible, horrible disease. And in the meantime my siblings don't visit and just want their inheritance.

Sorry, having a really bad day, hope that you all understand.

Whenever this takes place, it is hard not to feel anxious, indeed rather helpless about it all. Only those who are nursing your father will know what is taking place here. For those of us who have taken this journey up until the end, caring for a loved one with dementia, when this 'end of life' comes, it is always a challenge, because the essence of it is truth and reality, mixed with that very personal sense of suddenly feeling 'removed' from what is taking place. My own instinct during this time, was to offer food and drink to my late mother, despite everything. But she refused outright and I was only able to administer water through a syringe in order to lubricate her mouth. And so, the 'dying process' - which is as natural as birth - once this comes into play, one has to see it as just that. And you are quite right to wish for any 'suffering to be over' and this is an expression of true care and love. But every case is different and one must wait and see as to any outcome. And even when one looks upon a frail and wasted body, with all the feelings that engenders, that person is still the same person, the same loved one, the same father that has always been. Hold that close to your heart and never let it go.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I'm not sure about whether my poor dad is nearing the end or not, so please feel free to tell me either way.

He is in a nursing home with vascular dementia, and spends most of his day asleep. He has not eaten for a week, but still drinks a little, but not very much. He was skin and bone before the not eating, so doesn't have much in the way of reserves. The nursing home are doing what they can to encourage him to eat, but he refuses everything and gets quite agitated if they persist, and are going to bring in a dietician in a week or so to see if they can help. I just think that he's had enough and wants to go.

I so so want his suffering to be over. He is so tiny and frail, just like a little bird. This horrible, horrible disease. And in the meantime my siblings don't visit and just want their inheritance.

Sorry, having a really bad day, hope that you all understand.

Oh @Distressed55 I have just read a similar post and came away from that one in tears. My dad is similar but still lives at home. I am there most of the time trying to feed him up because he is weak and has cancer as well. I wish he would just go in his sleep, I really do but the hospital say he is doing well and I suppose he is but he is not going to get better, he is going to get worse. Right now he is pain free and happy but also frail and small and unsteady and with no memory to speak off. It's killing me and I don't know what to do.

There is nothing I can do, I know that. All I can do is be there and keep him going.

I have a sibling too, apparently seeing dad like this is too upsetting for him and that is why we don't see much of him. Well it bloody well upsets me too. Sorry, I am getting emotional again but today was a hard day. I understand how you feel and I hope that your dads suffering is over soon.

 

[Distressed55]

Well, today was slightly better. Dad actually ate something! I was overjoyed. An entire week with barely anything and today he had a bowl of porridge.

Things may be different tomorrow, but today was a good day. Plus he called me by my name, so that was the icing on the cake.

Thank you for kind and supportive words. This is an awful experience for all of us - sufferers and the ones who love them.

 

[hilaryd]

Wishing you well, @Distressed55 - we had so many 'near misses' with my mum, it's such a rollercoaster of anxiety and emotion. At the end, however, all was peaceful, and I hope it's the same for your dad when his time comes - but with plenty more good days before that.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Well, today was slightly better. Dad actually ate something! I was overjoyed. An entire week with barely anything and today he had a bowl of porridge.

Things may be different tomorrow, but today was a good day. Plus he called me by my name, so that was the icing on the cake.

Thank you for kind and supportive words. This is an awful experience for all of us - sufferers and the ones who love them.

Hi again @Distressed55 I have given up with trying to get dad to eat good stuff. He appears to be happy with cold stilton and broccoli soup with added cream for breakfast and dinner followed by a good helping of ice cream with cream on top so that is what he is getting. Probably need to cut the cream a bit but I am just happy that he is eating.

 

[Distressed55]

Hi again @Distressed55 I have given up with trying to get dad to eat good stuff. He appears to be happy with cold stilton and broccoli soup with added cream for breakfast and dinner followed by a good helping of ice cream with cream on top so that is what he is getting. Probably need to cut the cream a bit but I am just happy that he is eating.

Hi

Yes I've give the NH the same instruction (although not about the soup!) - just let him eat anything he wants, as long as he's eating. So if he wants ice cream for breakfast, he'll get it. He's still having a bit of porridge for breakfast, missing out lunch, but having a little something in the evening. Which at least is something, as you say.