My OH is in respite care at the moment to give me time to get some sleep. Unfortunately his sister thinks I should never have done this as he’s not that bad and she could have looked after him. I have been telling her for months how bad it is but she doesn’t seem to hear what I say. On their days out together he has been ‘fine’. Anybody else come across this?
Oh Yes indeed!!
There are two possibilities - one that OH ( like mine does) is 'hosting' ie can appear to be relatively OK in front of others. They cannot sustain this, and are often exhausted afterwards.
The second is exactly what I have. My OH has two children from his marriage - the son, works in community care and fully understands the situation, and travels 200 miles + to help us when he can. The daughter completely ignores the fact that there is anything whatsoever wrong with her Dad - is no help whatsoever. So much so that last time we saw her in March, her partner, when she was not with us, - a chap I hardly know - said ' Now she is not here, how are you really coping?' - every respect to him for asking.
If they cannot see it, they do not accept it, and it's easier for them.
We are the ones whose lives cease to have any meaning, and struggle physically and mentally.
My OH has damage to the frontal lobe of his brain - as a result HE thinks there is nothing wrong with him.
So that situation then puts me, the carer, in the position of caring for someone who cannot care for himself, but thinks he can, with a daughter who thinks there is nothing wrong with him !!
Makes me wonder myself sometimes, who is right and who is wrong !!