Day 13

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Paid a visit to mum yesterday.
It's silly I know, and not worth getting niggly about, I know that too, so why did I feel that I was in the way yesterday, asking questions that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, concerned mum had lost her colouring pens which had upset her because she loves to colour, why I rushed out to buy her more and take them back to her. Why couldn't they give mum a handful to put in her bag? This is my mum not just anybody I felt like screaming, my mum, the most important person here (to me), why can't you do that one little thing to make her smile?

I felt like I was in the way...........
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Paid a visit to mum yesterday.
It's silly I know, and not worth getting niggly about, I know that too, so why did I feel that I was in the way yesterday, asking questions that didn't really matt er in the grand scheme of things, concerned mum had lost her colouring pens which had upset her because she loves to colour, why I rushed out to buy her more and take them back to her. Why couldn't they give mum a handful to put in her bag? This is my mum not just anybody I felt like screaming, my mum, the most important person here (to me), why can't you do that one little thing to make her smile?

I felt like I was in the way...........
Oh Yak. I totally understand, really I do. You love your precious mum dearly and it's not silly at all. Of course you wanted her to have her colouring pens. They are important to her as they bring her pleasure and anything that does so needs encouragement. I would have felt just the same. I think a lot of us are feeling niggly. We want the best for our loved ones and something like this is bound to upset us and this heat doesn't help! Sending love and hugs to you and mum xxxxx
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Oh Yak. I totally understand, really I do. You love your precious mum dearly and it's not silly at all. Of course you wanted her to have her colouring pens. They are important to her as they bring her pleasure and anything that does so needs encouragement. I would have felt just the same. I think a lot of us are feeling niggly. We want the best for our loved ones and something like this is bound to upset us and this heat doesn't help! Sending love and hugs to you and mum xxxxx
Ha ha I did sound (and feel) like a stroppy child but I didn't stamp my feet. A lighthearted 'moan' and it made me feel much better
Thank you for your reply Jezzer it really helps to know there's someone 'out there' who totally understands hugs back to you and yours x
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Ha ha I did sound (and feel) like a stroppy child but I didn't stamp my feet. A lighthearted 'moan' and it made me feel much better
Thank you for your reply Jezzer it really helps to know there's someone 'out there' who totally understands hugs back to you and yours x
You reacted as you did because we deal with so much every day and then something, usually a minor though to us important incident, occurs that "tips" us and we "lose it" :mad: (sorry, I love that description!). Believe me, I've done the "stroppy child" on more than one occasion! I think we do damned well and it's nothing short of a miracle we are not in a continuous "strop". You and I could be the founding members of the "Don't Stop Until You Strop" Society. Wotcha reckon? All who have had, or are close to having, a Strop are welcome!! Love n Hugs xxxx
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Hello :) can I join in please?
My current strop is the nursing home annual fete which they are holding next week. Why? I ask myself ?:rolleyes: Mum is not remotely interested or even aware, nor are most of the other residents. It raises hardly any money, is barely attended and seems to serve mainly to make people like me feel guilty for not doing more...:oops: I am trying to collect stuff for the bric a brac etc but really can’t get up much enthusiasm. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s being done mainly so that they have something to put in the newsletter.....
To top it all, the village only had its own fete last weekend. Why didn’t they just take a stall there instead of having their own fete and then complaining about lack of support?!?

There, rant over - I feel better now! :)

Lindy xx
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
You reacted as you did because we deal with so much every day and then something, usually a minor though to us important incident, occurs that "tips" us and we "lose it" :mad: (sorry, I love that description!). Believe me, I've done the "stroppy child" on more than one occasion! I think we do damned well and it's nothing short of a miracle we are not in a continuous "strop". You and I could be the founding members of the "Don't Stop Until You Strop" Society. Wotcha reckon? All who have had, or are close to having, a Strop are welcome!! Love n Hugs xxxx
So funny jezzer I love it
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Hello :) can I join in please?
My current strop is the nursing home annual fete which they are holding next week. Why? I ask myself ?:rolleyes: Mum is not remotely interested or even aware, nor are most of the other residents. It raises hardly any money, is barely attended and serves to make people like me feel guilty for not doing more...:oops: I am trying to collect stuff for the bric a brac etc but really can’t get up much enthusiasm. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s being done mainly so that they have something to put in the newsletter.....
To top it all, the village only had its own fete last weekend. Why didn’t they just take a stall there instead of having their own fete and then complaining about lack of support?!?

There, rant over - I feel better now! :)

Lindy xx
Grrrrrrrrr I am with you lindy50
The day we took mum into her forever home two weeks ago they had a football day, baking hot, loud noises, people shouting, these were the carers! All having a wonderful time! The poor residents didn't have a clue what all the fuss was about, they were hot even though they were in the shade and everyone, wheelchair, stick or whatever that didn't matter, had to have a go at kicking the ball with the help of a fake leg in a football boot and sock.
In the end we took mum inside, god knows what she made of the confusion that was all around, one lady was bought in shouting and angry and tbh I don't blame her poor thing it was the only way she could express herself.
There is a summer fete coming up but the leaflet I picked up doesn't have a date on it! Might give that a swerve
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Grrrrrrrrr I am with you lindy50
The day we took mum into her forever home two weeks ago they had a football day, baking hot, loud noises, people shouting, these were the carers! All having a wonderful time! The poor residents didn't have a clue what all the fuss was about, they were hot even though they were in the shade and everyone, wheelchair, stick or whatever that didn't matter, had to have a go at kicking the ball with the help of a fake leg in a football boot and sock.
In the end we took mum inside, god knows what she made of the confusion that was all around, one lady was bought in shouting and angry and tbh I don't blame her poor thing it was the only way she could express herself.
There is a summer fete coming up but the leaflet I picked up doesn't have a date on it! Might give that a swerve
Oh, that made me smile @yak55 :D
I can just imagine the scene, false leg with boot, Carers shrieking etc!!
Seriously, though, I do think homes should give a bit more thought than they appear to do, about who some of the events are actually for.....
All the best
Lindy xx
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Hello :) can I join in please?
My current strop is the nursing home annual fete which they are holding next week. Why? I ask myself ?:rolleyes: Mum is not remotely interested or even aware, nor are most of the other residents. It raises hardly any money, is barely attended and seems to serve mainly to make people like me feel guilty for not doing more...:oops: I am trying to collect stuff for the bric a brac etc but really can’t get up much enthusiasm. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s being done mainly so that they have something to put in the newsletter.....
To top it all, the village only had its own fete last weekend. Why didn’t they just take a stall there instead of having their own fete and then complaining about lack of support?!?

There, rant over - I feel better now! :)

Lindy xx
Hello fellow Stropper and Welcome! Mum's CH held its' summer fayre last Saturday. I visited mum in the morning. There was no way I was going back for the fayre. Mum simply not well enough to attend. She just wanted to sleep. In all honesty, I wanted to watch the football. I visit mum every day and no, I don't feel guilty for not going. I would say 4 residents at most well enough to attend. It was held in the enclosed garden and one carer fainted in the heat. I do support the home with many events etc but no, not this time. So my friend I totally agree with you. @yak55 false leg with boot? Dear God. Small wonder that poor lady got angry. She was probably scared stiff. Can't believe they would put residents through such an experience. Not thought through at all. Definitely merits a Strop membership. :mad: xxxxxx
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Hello fellow Stropper and Welcome! Mum's CH held its' summer fayre last Saturday. I visited mum in the morning. There was no way I was going back for the fayre. Mum simply not well enough to attend. She just wanted to sleep. In all honesty, I wanted to watch the football. I visit mum every day and no, I don't feel guilty for not going. I would say 4 residents at most well enough to attend. It was held in the enclosed garden and one carer fainted in the heat. I do support the home with many events etc but no, not this time. So my friend I totally agree with you. @yak55 false leg with boot? Dear God. Small wonder that poor lady got angry. She was probably scared stiff. Can't believe they would put residents through such an experience. Not thought through at all. Definitely merits a Strop membership. :mad: xxxxxx[/QUOTE
It’s all a nonsense isn’t it
I have something else that gets me in a ‘strop’
Continual music I mean continual. I understand, I’m using this word A LOT lately, that complete silence when the residents are having their after dinner nap may drive the carers crazy but silence at least once a day would make for a more relaxed atmosphere. I like to be quiet sometimes and so does my mum.
When mum had 10 days respite care in a different home the music was so loud for the carers benefit residents couldn’t have interacted if they’d wanted too! and when I turned it down it was turned right back up again!
I asked my husband what he thought about the football fiasco and he thought it was good that they were doing something at least and I understand that they feel they want to enrich the residents lives but this event was not doing that at all. It was too much for me.
It’s all for ‘show’, they’ve been told probably by the people working in an office miles away that this is what they should do and that’s it!
If they plan to do more of the same I will visit mum and sit with her in her shady garden and let them get on with it, never again
Speak soon fellow strops x
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Oh, that made me smile @yak55 :D
I can just imagine the scene, false leg with boot, Carers shrieking etc!!
Seriously, though, I do think homes should give a bit more thought than they appear to do, about who some of the events are actually for.....
All the best
Lindy xx
Nightmarish when you see it written in black and white eh Lindy xxx
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
0
False leg football...residents must have wondered whose leg they were using and did they mind! Not an easy object to manipulate at the best of times, never mind when you have got a scoobie of what’s going on.
CHs may hold fetes so they can tick the ‘links with the community’ box. Everything is box ticking these days, shame there isn’t one for common sense.
P.S. Can I join the strop club please? If you don’t let me I’ll scream, and I’ll scream and I’ll scream :D
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Ah, loud music @yak55 - another of my strop triggers!! You're right, peace seems to be regarded as unwelcome silence sometimes.
When mum was at home, she would sit quietly looking out of the window for days at a time. Not that I'm especially recommending that, but she obviously does need periods of quietness. She does like music - when she first went into the home I took her a little CD player with her favourite CDs for her room. Too often I found it turned up loud, presumably to disguise her shouting .....absolutely not good enough. Anyway I complained and we've got past that issue now. CD player is now in the residents lounge! :D

Think I might be another one in the shady garden on the day of the fete!!
 

Lifebuoy44

Registered User
Jun 21, 2014
19
0
Sleaford, Lincs
False leg football...residents must have wondered whose leg they were using and did they mind! Not an easy object to manipulate at the best of times, never mind when you have got a scoobie of what’s going on.
CHs may hold fetes so they can tick the ‘links with the community’ box. Everything is box ticking these days, shame there isn’t one for common sense.
P.S. Can I join the strop club please? If you don’t let me I’ll scream, and I’ll scream and I’ll scream :D
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
False leg football...residents must have wondered whose leg they were using and did they mind! Not an easy object to manipulate at the best of times, never mind when you have got a scoobie of what’s going on.
CHs may hold fetes so they can tick the ‘links with the community’ box. Everything is box ticking these days, shame there isn’t one for common sense.
P.S. Can I join the strop club please? If you don’t let me I’ll scream, and I’ll scream and I’ll scream :D
Hello @Rolypoly
Well, it's not my club, but as far as I'm concerned you are most welcome! :D
You're right, it's all box ticking, and I for one have had enough of it! Mum is in a nursing home because she needs nursing, not jolly hockey sticks (or football legs :rolleyes:) I think 'links with the community' would be better served by going to the village fete, rather than trying to get villagers into the home. But what do I know.....?
Lindy xx
PS Please don't scream! ;)
 

Lifebuoy44

Registered User
Jun 21, 2014
19
0
Sleaford, Lincs
Hi Rolypoly, As well as the proposed "Strop Society", I reckon we all need to form a "Scream Choir". You know, like the Military Wives Choir, but for male and female carers who might benefit from a united scream session? I could have done with a large-scale backing group today, at the very least.
But I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess, because I still have my wife here at home with me, not having her crayons nicked or being confused by daft activities at a CH fete.
My heart goes out to those who have to visit their loved ones in impersonal surroundings and undignified conditions. Big hugs to all of you. xx from Lifebuoy44
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
0
Hi Rolypoly, As well as the proposed "Strop Society", I reckon we all need to form a "Scream Choir". You know, like the Military Wives Choir, but for male and female carers who might benefit from a united scream session? I could have done with a large-scale backing group today, at the very least.
But I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess, because I still have my wife here at home with me, not having her crayons nicked or being confused by daft activities at a CH fete.
My heart goes out to those who have to visit their loved ones in impersonal surroundings and undignified conditions. Big hugs to all of you. xx from Lifebuoy44


Hi to you and your wife. Like you, I have not had the pleasure of dealing first hand with care homes, or even carers, as mum lives with us and we do all the care. We’ve only had day care and memory cafe which are more raised eyebrow than full on strop. Strops and screams are good for releasing stress!
 

Lifebuoy44

Registered User
Jun 21, 2014
19
0
Sleaford, Lincs
Thanks, Rolypoly. Thankfully, not all days are bad. Most are very happy and my Wife has lots of courage in facing her illness squarely!
I just wish I had some "super-power" of calmness and wisdom, to avoid making the same silly mistakes that set off negative reactions from time to time. She really deserves better.....
Best wishes to you, and all other TP Members. xx
Lifebuoy44
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
0
Thanks, Rolypoly. Thankfully, not all days are bad. Most are very happy and my Wife has lots of courage in facing her illness squarely!
I just wish I had some "super-power" of calmness and wisdom, to avoid making the same silly mistakes that set off negative reactions from time to time. She really deserves better.....
Best wishes to you, and all other TP Members. xx
Lifebuoy44


When you find the super power please send some my way. Sometimes I wish I could rewind so I could say or do something slightly differently. Talk about learning on the job, trouble is you don’t always get the same reaction depending on their level of understanding at a particular time.

Btw your wife deserves the best which she has in you.