This is my first post on here. I am the Daughter, my Dad has Alzheimer’s and Mum has vascular Dementia. I have looked after Mum and Dad for over three years, Dad has looked after Mum for a life time. Mum is now in a care Home as me and Dad couldn’t look after her anymore, although he didn’t realise it, but he is broken hearted and with his own illness he doesn’t process it very well. They have been married for 62 years and everyday I have to arrange for him to visit Mum (she is a 10 mile round trip away). He won’t miss a day, I work full time and it’s too much. He gets angry cause he thinks no one cares ( my brothers live away) they do what they can but he doesn’t remember. I dont know how to help him, he cries everyday and it breaks my heart. Has anyone else gone through this ?
Both parents have Dementia
- Thread starter Dolly1
- Start date
Hello @Dolly1, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum supportive.
I haven't been in this situation but I can empathise with the crying aspect of things as my wife is like that. In the end we can only do our best.
I wonder if some form of activity would help your Dad. If you want to check for what's available in your area you can do a post code check by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
Besides that, don't underestimate the degree to which people with dementia can suffer from depression. Maybe a visit to the GP would elicit some help.
I haven't been in this situation but I can empathise with the crying aspect of things as my wife is like that. In the end we can only do our best.
I wonder if some form of activity would help your Dad. If you want to check for what's available in your area you can do a post code check by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
Besides that, don't underestimate the degree to which people with dementia can suffer from depression. Maybe a visit to the GP would elicit some help.
Hello Grannie G
I was so upset last week that I asked Dad that question, but he said no he wasn't ready for it and I agree he is very good with looking after himself., I couldn't see him in a home yet, not the type Mum is in and she couldn't cope any where without 24 hr care.
I was so upset last week that I asked Dad that question, but he said no he wasn't ready for it and I agree he is very good with looking after himself., I couldn't see him in a home yet, not the type Mum is in and she couldn't cope any where without 24 hr care.
Does the home also have day care? Not all care home do, but if they did it might be a way of your parents being together.
Hello Dolly 1, welcome to the forum. Have good search and read of the forum as it's filled with people who are going to be/are/has been in the same or similar situation that you may be going through or about to approach.
My parents don't have dementia but my dad has and my mum is in a care home. I have been somewhat fortunate with my Dad in that he has seemed to got use to waiting until family can take him to see Mum and is content that he can see her at least three times a week as his kids all drive and the care home is about 10-15mins drive, so I don't have the issue you're concerned with.
Have you thought about setting up something/someone else to take your dad to see your mum instead of you? It could be a family friend, a carer, a (trusted) local cab firm to drop and pick up from the care home, etc?
There may be a charity or service in your area that already does this. Try looking on your council's website to see if they do something like this or even the local hospital/health care provider's site may be able to provide your further information for such services. Even if it's for one day, at least it would give you a break from doing so on a daily basis.
All the best to you xx
My parents don't have dementia but my dad has and my mum is in a care home. I have been somewhat fortunate with my Dad in that he has seemed to got use to waiting until family can take him to see Mum and is content that he can see her at least three times a week as his kids all drive and the care home is about 10-15mins drive, so I don't have the issue you're concerned with.
Have you thought about setting up something/someone else to take your dad to see your mum instead of you? It could be a family friend, a carer, a (trusted) local cab firm to drop and pick up from the care home, etc?
There may be a charity or service in your area that already does this. Try looking on your council's website to see if they do something like this or even the local hospital/health care provider's site may be able to provide your further information for such services. Even if it's for one day, at least it would give you a break from doing so on a daily basis.
All the best to you xx
Hello Dolly had a very similar experience. My Dad had at that point undiagnosed Alzheimer's and my mother had vascular dementia. They refused all help until Mums became so bad she was admitted to hospital. At that point I stepped in . I lived 3 hours away so I moved Mum into a care home near me and moved Dad in with me and my husband. Dad saw Mum every day for what turned out to be the last year of her life. He never truly understood how bad she was which was blessing. I was luckier than you that the care home was 5 minutes from my home and opposite where I worked. Even so I went part time after 3 months as Dads condition meant I had to be with at the care home with Mum as much as possible.They were very good and welcomed him but he couldn't grasp the situation and before Mum got even worse they would get in a terrible muddle about everything. I found this time very difficult and upsetting. Dad still lives with me now nearly 5 years on. I'm starting to think about the next step now as my husband and I are now in our 60's.
I 'm sorry I haven't got any answers for you . You just have to get through it some how. You have my every sympathy.
I 'm sorry I haven't got any answers for you . You just have to get through it some how. You have my every sympathy.
