Exasperated

[Grahamstown]

More phone news, he has kept on switching it off and denying he has done it, but I caught him doing it today and I really got cross. He is worried it might ring and disturb people even though nobody ever rings him because they know his phone is always off. I showed him again where it is on silent so then the problem was it would run out of battery, urgh. Logic doesn’t come into it any more. I tried to get him to understand by saying it was for my benefit if I need to contact him so we shall see. He was talking to his cousin on the landline when I came down and I heard him telling her he was quite recovered now and back to normal, and I guess that’s a good way for him to feel.

 

[Grahamstown]

Funny how it’s the phone issue that I find so exasperating. He cannot bring himself or doesn’t even think to use it and today it really made matters more difficult because he got confused. He didn’t know where he was supposed to be, didn’t look at it where he would have seen the eye test appointment, didn’t remember to wait for me to get back at 2pm and went wandering and missed the appointment. It’s no good getting upset, because he simply can’t help it. I have made another appointment and this time I shall be more careful. I had been thinking he was more stable and improved but he finds any little stress difficult to cope with.

 

[canary]

Im guessing that he no longer knows how to use the phone. OH no longer uses his phone either and I think he has forgotten how to use it. Would a white board rather than his phone reminding him about things that are happening work better?

 

[Manc70]

My husband is the same with his phone, he will remember to charge it because he wants to use it. I show him in the most straightforward way how to use it, not moaning that it is the hundredth time I’ve shown him, and we send texts to each other and the kids and grandkids so he can start a bit of a thread going. Then he puts it down until the charge is gone again and never looks at it. I find it frustrating I can’t keep in touch when I do go out on my own as he doesn’t answer the house phone either. We had a white board prominently in the kitchen but he didn’t look at it although I felt better as I wrote our address and phone number at the top for him, for what circumstance I’m not sure.
Our daughter bought us an Amazon Alexa and I use the alarm for him taking his medication twice a day. It doesn’t stop till he tells it to stop - technology eh! In a morning it (she,as we like to call her!!) tells him to “take his Rivastigmine with his breakfast”. To be fair I still have to coax him when she goes off and I could chuck it through the window sometimes but I have found it useful.

 

[Grahamstown]

Im guessing that he no longer knows how to use the phone. OH no longer uses his phone either and I think he has forgotten how to use it. Would a white board rather than his phone reminding him about things that are happening work better?

@canary To be honest he has never been good with his mobile phone and it was a source of trouble years ago when he was traveling for work. It caused no end of difficulty and I wished they had never been invented. He doesn’t know how to use it properly but he doesn’t even take it out of his pocket to look at it! If he did the phone would wake up and give him notifications. I use notes at home but he actually has to look at them, not a given. Most of the time I behave as if he hasn’t got one and really only use it to locate him. If only he would look at it, sigh...
@Manc70 it sounds to me as if your situation is much the same as mine. Charging, putting down, not looking at it, although I tell a lie there, he does do his emails which are also starting to be an issue. He replies unnecessarily, opens spam porn emails and generally now cannot deal with them. I have unsubscribed to as many as I can, put others into junk and so on. As for his pills, I have to dispense them every evening or he would forget. We are 24/7 nurses with no days off. Both sisters and his niece are very sweet, wish they were nearer and could do more to support. I feel like saying, come and stay for a week while I take a break! That’s the only support I could do with. Rant over thank you for your support xx

 

[Pipeth]

My OH had trouble learning how to use his mobile phone when we first bought it two years ago, signs of what we now know was happening to him. He has completely abandoned his phone and I am not encouraging him to use it again, it caused so much frustration for him. As we are joined at the hip now we just take mine when out and about. I am having to support him to get onto online banking now and he doesn't seem to be bothering with playing solitaire on his laptop either. It has relieved a lot of frustration for him as well as me, with the constant 'how do I do this' and then being told that I haven't shown him how to use his phone/laptop. I am not expecting anything to improve we seem to be on a steep decline at the moment.

 

[Grahamstown]

I feel that I am in a similar situation but he can still go from home to where he has lunch with colleagues and back and it means a lot to him. The trouble comes when there is something else to do as well and his brain can’t cope with the arrangements, easy though they are to us. Another learning day for me. I don’t think my husband is going downhill as fast now but, and it’s a big but, he wants to go to the pub for beer every night, but I manage to keep him at home. Tesco’s low alcohol gin and tonic is delicious in this hot weather thank goodness. That and the football is keeping him happy and absorbed at the moment.

 

[PalSal]

Dear Grahamstown, Yes I have always found that the process of loss has come in big steps then a period of stabilization ...then another step down. I am glad you found a solution in the low alcohol gin and tonics...and the footie. Two small blessing that's what we must look for. Well done.