Good morning Pipeth,
This is my first post I registered July last year and never had a chance to help on here as my mum who is 85 with advanced Alzheimers became worse and recently, 10 days ago, she was placed by the NHS into a nursing home nearby having been in hospital for 3 weeks. Then last weds my dad had a mini stroke had to call an ambulance luckily we were able to leave 6 hours latter with 3 further tests to be done one of which is already completed a neck vascular scan and in the clear.
The aggression in my mum came out of nowhere completely threw us after caring for her for 3 years long story short after much emotional turmoil and like you sleepless nights we went to our GP who is amazing and he gave mum Trazadone small does in the morning 0.05 gm then upped it and set it at one in the morning and one before bedtime. This worked a treat she became not drowsy more of a calm stillness and it so helped with her constant agitation, ocd with repetitious behaviour for example she would be up 6-8 during the night washing her hair, opening and closing doors, lights on and off in the bedroom whilst my father was trying to sleep and became aggressive if he tried to calm her down.
I said to him if you do not get mummy to the doctor with professional support now you will end up having a stroke, the rest is history. My health suffered too I collapsed and found I had no minerals and massively dehydrated with mental stress this happens often to people who are caring for those with this cruel disease. I am a professional holistic therapist therefore I am very aware of symptoms but we keep going as there is no one else to do it. I found with boots on the ground after mums diagnosis apart from the obvious charities there was absolutely sod all to support us when you need help at 3am, 4am, and 5am in the morning to restrain a person in their 80's from walking up and down the stairs 20-30 times.....the energy this disease generates is mind blowing.
My dad has slept with the bedroom light on for 3 years with my mum in the same bed getting up so many times you just get up in the end so I do deeply feel what you are going through any alone too.
Moving forwards for you now I agree with Grannie please ASAP get to your GP state without any doubt or feeling of guilt that you need help immediately with medication to stop this sudden change in your husbands behaviour re aggression and have a read up on Section 117 people can be sectioned if they are at risk and to others as well, it is for full medical assessment not to lock them away that is only if the aggression worsens and non of us get any advanced warning of when that is going to happen. Have you tried getting social services to visit we have a wonderful lady from havering council who came to see us they are trained to identify your needs just simply having a good chat over a cup of tea as you must get professional people to help you now as you are doing far too much by yourself and if you are sick no one can look out for your husband.
Not everyone suits things like Alzheimers singing for the brain my mum sat there bored stiff looking at me eye rolling the when are we leaving look however I percevered every Monday and we met the wonderful Admiral nurses and super people who were an amazing support as we all had one thing in common and that was our loved one was trapped in their mind with this awful disease. We were given and experienced incredible support such as one gentlemen who had recently lost his wife shared her carers details with us we called her and she came to mum to take over the bathing in the morning and dressing she was a professional trained registered carer had a hospital background in palliative care and worked with dementia suffers, she charged £15 per hour. My dad and I felt we had hit the jackpot just by having someone with the rights skills we were able to see what a calming influence she was having on mum it was so lovely to see and what a relief even for an hour some peace was restored.
I could write a book on what my mum has done in the past 3 years....however she is now resting and sleeping mostly in the nursing home about 5 mins from us where we see her peaceful we visit twice a day she is never without my dad and they have been married 64 years and never apart until now. We are not sad nor feeling a loss as we gave her our all every day and never begrudged a moment, if I were to make one comment I would say I wish my dad had been more agreeable to having a carer come in earlier for mums beyond challenging behaviour as it would have been professionally identified as us needing more professional care for her and her medication being increased to deal with the dreadful aggression. You have to negotiate a man's unpredictable strength and you therefore put your own personal safety at risk.
Lastly, I would strongly without delay make a meeting with your children irrespective of how busy they are once you have seen your doctor for a plan going forwards because I can promise you your life will get worse as your husbands condition bless him worsens. I can hear your desperation you are at the end of your wits and exhausted and trust me no one gets a medal for coping with all of this when we were at the hospital few weeks ago I just looked at the head NHS physiotherapist and said I can't cope anymore at home with my mum my dad and I can't lift her from bed now she screams as though she is so much pain it sounds like someone is being tortured and murdered at the same time it's horrendous and very distressing to see her shaking with fear. Our GP said it is a combination of the condition ....anxiousness and being frightened, the hospital physio said to me and my dad that is what I want to hear from you when you say to me you can't cope that is what I am here for I can now take away this strain from you both and I already know mum needs nursing care now.
A ten tonne weight had been lifted within minutes after struggling for so long and with my poor dad at 83 he's amazing and I am still at home looking after him which is an absolute joy he does have a memory clinic check up via our GP next month once things have calmed down a bit however we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Please do get to your GP today and get a break organised and please do stay strong you are in no way to feel any feeling of guilt I always turned that around as a positive like now my mum gets the best of us and we get the best of her and we think of it as though she is upstairs in bed and we see her at lunch and dinner every day and it has really helped.
Please do take care of your own personal health and safety it is paramount at this stage you are an incredible lady doing an amazing job of everything by yourself, stand your ground too I have had to thumb my hand on the table a few times to get things moving....your husband is very lucky he has you helping him to be safe with professional help and care too.
