Why is dementia not accepted by residents within private assisted living

[jen54]

I have seen some of this at the care home where mum is, she is on the ground floor as they say she has no behaviour issues,just memory loss mainly.
There are other residents,some with dementia,of varying degree,and some who do not have dementia, I have come to notice how the non dementia residents tire of the dementia in others. I have been told to ignore so and so..she keeps repeating..i have heard people being told to just shut up, or go away.
,its not just those who don't have dementia,as those with it don't realise they have it , sitting with a group usually when visiting mum I am privy to the sight of pwd all interacting,and then saying the so and is mad,rolling their eyes, or telling others they are mad. Telling me that someone should be in hospital etc
My mum will chat to others,and turn to me,saying,that one isnt right, she thinks she is perfectly ok..its everyone else.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I have seen some of this at the care home where mum is, she is on the ground floor as they say she has no behaviour issues,just memory loss mainly.
There are other residents,some with dementia,of varying degree,and some who do not have dementia, I have come to notice how the non dementia residents tire of the dementia in others. I have been told to ignore so and so..she keeps repeating..i have heard people being told to just shut up, or go away.
,its not just those who don't have dementia,as those with it don't realise they have it , sitting with a group usually when visiting mum I am privy to the sight of pwd all interacting,and then saying the so and is mad,rolling their eyes, or telling others they are mad. Telling me that someone should be in hospital etc
My mum will chat to others,and turn to me,saying,that one isnt right, she thinks she is perfectly ok..its everyone else.

I also saw this in dad in the early days of him in his NH...he commented or pulled faces at others who in his mind displayed odd behaviour or peculiarities of appearance or speech but had no awareness that he was at that stage the same and even more advanced

 

[Jessbow]

I also saw this in dad in the early days of him in his NH...he commented or pulled faces at others who in his mind displayed odd behaviour or peculiarities of appearance or speech but had no awareness that he was at that stage the same and even more advanced

When my Mum first went into a nursing home, she was pleased to see there was a lady there she recognised.

Mum ''Hello Ena ''
The Reply '' My Name isn't Ena, silly woman''

Mum ( to me ) ''isn't it sad, she doesnt even know her own name now''
Mum : ''you are, your are Ena. How is Sid?''

Reply ''I am NOT Ena, shut up you silly woman''
Mum '' OK, but I know you are Ena''

Every...Single,...day.... On repeat


Needless to say , its wasn't Ena.

 

[Bod]

They brought into a dream, worked all their lives, for this, and am going to enjoy it.
Not realising, but for the grace of their God, go they.

Bod

 

[elvismad]

sadly, I too can see both sides of this coin. My mum is in assisted living with care. This was suitable when she moved in in September 2017 ( assisted by Social Services and in full knowledge of her worsening dementia (Vascular and Alzhiemers). Mum took a while to settle, but settle she did. Then came the hospital stay in February this year which resulted in a decline from which mum has never bounced back. Long story short - mum is the person wandering in and out of other flats (none are locked) I am constantly returning items. She is frightened, particularly of being alone and shouts and cries and is very clingy. The Elderly Mental Health team agree she needs more 1:1 support and that the Assisted Living is no longer suitable. I pay for private carers to take her our for 3 -4 hours 3 times a week and have mum with me for 5 hours at least Saturday and Sunday. This still leaves many hours where she is lost and afraid and the resulting behaviour affects the other tenants. They are a mixture of dementia and frail and don't need this kind of disruption.
Unfortunately as we are not self funding any move to more suitable accommodation lies with Social Services. Meanwhile I watch mum become increasingly distressed and the carers at the Assisted Living struggle to do all they can to soothe her, a difficult task as mum cannot remember 5 minutes ago and firmly believes she knows no one there. All so desperately sad.