What to do with declining parent?

[Crabapples]

My father was recently diagnosed with dementia. My mother is attempting to care for him with my husband and myself, doing all the shopping, bills, house work and caring for their lawn. I’m also their driver. I’ m there 6-9 hours daily but it’s not enough. He is declining rapidly and today he fell. My mother’ s health is also declining. I have a physical and an occupational therapist 2x / week. They want my husband and me to move in and leave our home. Any suggestions?

 

[nellbelles]

Hello @Crabapples welcome to TP

Firstly no one can make you leave your home to care for your father.

My suggestion is that you contact your local SS and ask for a needs assessment this is usually the first step to getting help.

Has anyone got LPA financial and health and welfare this can be important provided your farther has capacity to sign.

TP is a very supportive forum, please keep posting so we can support you.

 

[jenniferpa]

They being your parents? I think it's fine if you are physically and emotionally able to do this, if your spouse is completely on board with it, if it won't impact your own marriage. If not then no. I think you should help them source the care they need, but it's not up to you to provide that care.

 

[Pickles53]

If you are already with them 6-9 hours a day, so a large chunk of daytime hours, you are already doing a great deal. It sounds like your parents are looking for 24-hour support which implies through the night as well? That is hugely demanding. Many members of TP do just that, but please don’t underestimate the enormous physical and emotional toll it may take and the strain it may put on your own marriage. If you want to try it, I would suggest a ‘trial period’ of at least a month and then evaluate, remembering that it will only get harder.

If you are instead thinking about getting other help and support for them, can I ask if you are in the USA? If so, adding your location will help as the health and social care systems are so different. We have quite a few US-based members who can point you in the right direction.

And welcome to TP, as I should have said at the beginning.

 

[Crabapples]

Hello @Crabapples welcome to TP

Firstly no one can make you leave your home to care for your father.

My suggestion is that you contact your local SS and ask for a needs assessment this is usually the first step to getting help.

Has anyone got LPA financial and health and welfare this can be important provided your farther has capacity to sign.

TP is a very supportive forum, please keep posting so we can support you.

Thank you for your response. I’ve started many of the processes to get help for both my parents. I’ll keep checking on this wonderful and supportive site

 

[Crabapples]

If you are already with them 6-9 hours a day, so a large chunk of daytime hours, you are already doing a great deal. It sounds like your parents are looking for 24-hour support which implies through the night as well? That is hugely demanding. Many members of TP do just that, but please don’t underestimate the enormous physical and emotional toll it may take and the strain it may put on your own marriage. If you want to try it, I would suggest a ‘trial period’ of at least a month and then evaluate, remembering that it will only get harder.

If you are instead thinking about getting other help and support for them, can I ask if you are in the USA? If so, adding your location will help as the health and social care systems are so different. We have quite a few US-based members who can point you in the right direction.

And welcome to TP, as I should have said at the beginning.

Thank you for your response. I live in the USA in Texas. This is all so new. His decline was gradual, at first, but now the difference is very noticeable. I am glad that I live in the same town as my folks and my husband is very supportive. I have found evening care for them; however, it is quiet expensive. It's a struggle to find balance between them and my husband and myself. Yes, I need to locate available resources in the USA. I have been doing this, but it is time consuming. It will all get done I am so glad to have found this community. It's so sad that so many are going through this struggle. It's difficult to watch someone being lost before your eyes. Thank you for the support this group offers, and knowing my feelings are "normal" whatever that means...

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Crabapples
welcome from me too
I see you are in Texas, might you add this to your profile as your location - there are members who live in the US and they could then see where you are and maybe offer suggestions linked to the services in your country/state, as each country has its own systems of care
you are being a great support to your parents, I'm sure you'll find TP supportive for you