Do you ever just forget that you can't pick the phone up and ring your loved one anymore

[sford91]

My mum's in a care home but can't verbally communicate. I'd love nothing more than to hear her voice again. This morning I woke up with the need to tell her something and for them few seconds I forgot I couldn't ring her anymore or hear her voice. Don't get me wrong I love going to see her and thankfully she is so happy in herself and her non verbal we can communicate that way but it's not the same. Everyday I talk to people about dementia and about my mum heck I even sometimes work with people with dementia as my role as a nurse and I manage okay. It's then little things like today which give me that stab in the heart and my whole body feels like it weighs a million tons. And my heart physically aches again.

Please tell me I'm not the only person that feels like this at times .

 

[love.dad.but..]

Oh yes...more though with my mum who died suddenly not from dementia...I used to phone around 8am before work and often 4 years later I still think oh I must phone mum to ask her something. Dad with dementia..but not really ever a chatty person on the phone...as his communication started to disappear when I visited his NH and last year when he died...I even miss his dementia rambles and moans. I remember reading something when dad in early and moderate stage would talk for hours repeating stories and questions and it became exhausting...there will come a time when you long to hear those repeating rambles and moans again...how true.

 

[Shedrech]

I still think 'I'll tell dad about that' .... and might do when I visit but he's not really able to take it in
and mum died 12 years ago, yet I too have moments when I have enjoyed something and start to smile at the thought that I'll tell mum ... then realise ..... hey ho; at least I did tell both of them when they were able to share my pleasure ...

 

[DeMartin]

You’re not alone, I used to tell mum the funny, the interesting and even the upsetting, and I miss it. I’d never have been able to support OH through his brother’s illness and death without her advice.
Although I could still tell her things, she misunderstands things and they’d get twisted and upset her, so I stick to neutral subjects.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I had that with Mum also. What was, and is, difficult is realizing that I can't ask Mum this that or the other. I've lose a lot of history. A very silly thing - we had a cat who had adopted us as part of his extended family back in the 50s. I realized I'm now the only person who remembers Patteachou, as my sister was too young to remember. I did ask her and she remembered the name only.

A very dear SIL of mine died March 31 (not of dementia) and I catch myself saying "I'll ask Winnie that".

 

[love.dad.but..]

I had that with Mum also. What was, and is, difficult is realizing that I can't ask Mum this that or the other. I've lose a lot of history. A very silly thing - we had a cat who had adopted us as part of his extended family back in the 50s. I realized I'm now the only person who remembers Patteachou, as my sister was too young to remember. I did ask her and she remembered the name only.

A very dear SIL of mine died March 31 (not of dementia) and I catch myself saying "I'll ask Winnie that".

The loss also of finding out or checking history in the family once both parents die is I agree another part of this. So often I am trying to remember details of something from childhood or a piece of a family history puzzle and I know Mum and Dad would be able to fill in the gap. You then realise the opportunity and facts are lost forever.

 

[DeMartin]

Problem with family history is that what I rember being told by mum ten years ago is not quite as dramatic as what I was told two years ago. Quite a few tales “improved “ and a few got darker, comments on personalities and their shortcomings. I’ll stick to the rosy picture of my family members.

 

[jenniferpa]

I think it was plus 5 years after my mother's death before I stopped thinking "Oh I'll tell mummy". I still do talk to her in my head sometimes, although less as time goes on.

 

[Izzy]

I think it was plus 5 years after my mother's death before I stopped thinking "Oh I'll tell mummy". I still do talk to her in my head sometimes, although less as time goes on.

I talk to Bill in my head and out loud!

 

[nae sporran]

You’re not alone, I used to tell mum the funny, the interesting and even the upsetting, and I miss it. I’d never have been able to support OH through his brother’s illness and death without her advice.
Although I could still tell her things, she misunderstands things and they’d get twisted and upset her, so I stick to neutral subjects.

It's that lack of intelligent conversation even while she is here that gets to me. I even miss arguments as those no longer make any sense while OH argues with herself half the time. We still make up as always, but now it just seems to be more stressful on both of us.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Problem with family history is that what I rember being told by mum ten years ago is not quite as dramatic as what I was told two years ago. Quite a few tales “improved “ and a few got darker, comments on personalities and their shortcomings. I’ll stick to the rosy picture of my family members.

I would think the earlier versions are more accurate. My mother also came out with comments which I was able to independently verify as not so.

 

[PJ]

My mum's in a care home but can't verbally communicate. I'd love nothing more than to hear her voice again. This morning I woke up with the need to tell her something and for them few seconds I forgot I couldn't ring her anymore or hear her voice. Don't get me wrong I love going to see her and thankfully she is so happy in herself and her non verbal we can communicate that way but it's not the same. Everyday I talk to people about dementia and about my mum heck I even sometimes work with people with dementia as my role as a nurse and I manage okay. It's then little things like today which give me that stab in the heart and my whole body feels like it weighs a million tons. And my heart physically aches again.

Please tell me I'm not the only person that feels like this at times .

Oh bless you it must be so hard at times & completely understandable. Most of us call to Mum for help, even at my age Your Mum has brought up two caring thoughtful daughters. I can’t thank you enough for the support you’ve shown me, with advice re: videoing messages of myself for my own sons incase the day comes I have no voice.
The bonus is knowing your mum seems happy in herself & has you both.
I hope your news was good news you wanted to share with Mum

 

[sford91]

Hi it was good news. I managed to Skype her yesterday to tell her I raised £5000 for Alzheimer's Society after my skydive she was very happy!!