Need advice re personal care

[LucyJordan]

Mum has been in a care home since February. It’s a got an outstanding CQC rating but I sometimes feel mum gets ‘lost’ because she is very eloquent and other residents have more complex or obvious needs.

The biggest problem is with washing. She gets up early and gets dressed. I am not sure she washes herself or cleans her teeth. She has had two showers since February both times with lots of cajoling by care staff. I manged to get her hair washed twice. I just feel the care staff don’t try hard enough with her and assume she washes and leave her to her own devices. As she is on an EMI unit I find this worrying.

I have to keep asking for towels to be put in her bathroom - indicative of a lack of attention to detail. I have raised this at her 6 week review and things improved slightly but have slipped back. She has not had any UTIs but I feel she smells sligly and looks unkempt.

Mum has always been intensely private and has always been good at denying problems which the dementia has exacerbated.

The carers are nice but always busy.

I have cultivated good relationships with the staff and management but worry that I am viewed as a over protective daughter. Couldn’t care less about that if it helps mum but don’t want it to be an issue.

Is it an issue?

 

[Hazara8]

Mum has been in a care home since February. It’s a got an outstanding CQC rating but I sometimes feel mum gets ‘lost’ because she is very eloquent and other residents have more complex or obvious needs.

The biggest problem is with washing. She gets up early and gets dressed. I am not sure she washes herself or cleans her teeth. She has had two showers since February both times with lots of cajoling by care staff. I manged to get her hair washed twice. I just feel the care staff don’t try hard enough with her and assume she washes and leave her to her own devices. As she is on an EMI unit I find this worrying.

I have to keep asking for towels to be put in her bathroom - indicative of a lack of attention to detail. I have raised this at her 6 week review and things improved slightly but have slipped back. She has not had any UTIs but I feel she smells sligly and looks unkempt.

Mum has always been intensely private and has always been good at denying problems which the dementia has exacerbated.

The carers are nice but always busy.

I have cultivated good relationships with the staff and management but worry that I am viewed as a over protective daughter. Couldn’t care less about that if it helps mum but don’t want it to be an issue.

Is it an issue?

In the Care Home when everything is correctly in place, the Care Plan should accommodate all the things you cite in your post, with regard to personal hygiene and toileting and so on. It is important that whatever routine your mother was used to, should be replicated if possible. Clearly if your mother is capable of washing and carrying out personal needs then that is all to the good, but the Care Staff still have to overseer the regime, in order to address those factors you mention, (unkempt, body odour etc). So you are certainly not 'an issue' in wishing these things to be in place. The priority must always be in 'care' which incorporates dignity as much as the obvious need for hygiene and well being. There is no need to feel 'overprotective' in wishing basics in personal care to be in place. Feel free to express your concerns openly with the Staff, as you have a good relationship with them and the management.

In the Care Home where I work, 'personal hygiene' is carried out as a matter of course, despite reluctance sometimes (bathing etc) simply due to the fact that it is both necessary and protective.

 

[DeMartin]

• Mum was reluctant to have hair care, she refused any trim, and after a year her hair was dreadful. I went for a hair cut, then hotfooted it to visit her. She admired my very short do, the hairdresser was there, and within 5 minutes Mum was in, washed and getting 4” cut off.

 

[Moggymad]

I have cultivated good relationships with the staff and management but worry that I am viewed as a over protective daughter. Couldn’t care less about that if it helps mum but don’t want it to be an issue.

Is it an issue?

I can identify with this @LucyJordan! Better to be seen in this way than as a relative that doesn't care less. Don't worry, you are on good terms so don't be afraid to voice concerns or even suggestions. It's annoying when towels are missing, I also have had to ask for them. More annoying though is when there are no inco pads or pullups. If I am with mum when she wants to go to the toilet then I usually deal with it myself but get fed up having to keep asking for supplies. I now keep a secret stash for me to use for mum. I had to keep pointing out the sore skin due to mum's incontinence. It took a while but things have improved. I too sometimes felt a bit uncomfortable bringing issues to there attention on virtually every visit but at least they know I will speak up for my mums welfare. Thankfully it does seem so much better now.
Mums care home has a comments box for people to suggest improvements anonymously if they want to. Of course in your case your concerns are specific to your mum so if you have suggestions to help they should be welcome. Best wishes, I hope things improve.

 

[Dramascientist]

My dad’s condition has worsened recently and now he is refusing to get into the bath and will not allowed anybody to wash him. In this hot weather especially it is very unhealthy. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks
DRSC

 

[DeMartin]

Hi @Dramascientist , welcome to TP, this is a common problem. It might be a good idea to start your own thread to get the hints etc collected in one place.
Go to forums click on I care for a person with dementia and then new post. It will also show you as a new member.

 

[Theresalwaystomorrow]

Hi Lucy Jordan
I have same concerns which I’m dealing with at the moment.
Mum Is double in continent and also has a pilonidal sinus cyst which as you can imagine needs to be keep clean due to infection.
Mum has to have assistance toileting every time but this does not happen, again she is left to her own devices and goes in others rooms for this!
We’ve complained but they just said she is not a one to one so she will walk around!