Just as mum is getting into a routine and getting her appetite back, my dad has decided to become difficult. It may be his response to events but he seems to be actively trying to cause problems and constantly tries to argue. The latest this morning was an announcement at breakfast in front of mum that he’d make his own dinner at lunch because he’d decided he didn’t like the food I made when I got in from work in the early evening. Mum instantly wondered about her, he said he’d make hers too but she was upset that the family dinner wouldn’t happen and that she can’t eat a lot at lunch time, she said she wouldn’t want dinner then ,in fact when she was in the nursing home dad had asked she got something light at lunch and not a meal. It transpired he’d thought a meal I’d left out to defrost was for him- it wasn’t. He then said it wasn’t the food it was where it was bought! He then said it was ok for me to cook dinner for him at the weekends so long as it was from scratch! I think he was startled when I said that wouldn’t be happening. He’s always been a bit difficult but this is the latest bump. He’s been leaving the house as soon as I get in to go out, I can understand that as it is hard being with mum at times but this is literally every day even at the weekend, he can’t wait to get out of the house. He’s also discounting anything mum says, and trying to get her to do things his way which causes problems. I’m trying not to rise to him but it’s hard.
Grumpy parent rant
- Thread starter Lily1
- Start date
Oh that sounds very difficult.
It sounds like he may not be accepting your mum's condition. Could it be possible that if she was always looking after his needs he's missing that, and kicking off at you because you're not prepared to provide them on his terms?
Well done for not rising to him, I appreciate it can be impossible not to get annoyed when you are being treated badly. I hope he will get used to the changes in time.
It sounds like he may not be accepting your mum's condition. Could it be possible that if she was always looking after his needs he's missing that, and kicking off at you because you're not prepared to provide them on his terms?
Well done for not rising to him, I appreciate it can be impossible not to get annoyed when you are being treated badly. I hope he will get used to the changes in time.
Do you think you could voice your concerns to dad? I feel you pain & frustration. My mum has Parkinson’s & my dad, although he’s a great carer has started to nit pick more & more knowing poor mum won’t back down so it always ends in a big fall out.
I think being a carer must be harder than having the disability at times
Sending a big hug
I think being a carer must be harder than having the disability at times
Sending a big hug
He is used to mum doing everything but I’ve been gradually taking over her “jobs” since last December. He’s been ok with that till now, mind you the diagnosis was 2 weeks ago so I think he’s finding it hard to accept. I do think he was taken aback when I declined the opportunity to cook for him at the weekend! He’s a naturally argumentative person and likes to see things from his side only but it’s starting to almost become routine for him to find fault or make assumptions. I realise it’s hard for him too as he’s not a natural carer. I don’t think he understands that mum still has the capacity to decide things like whether she wants the tv on or off, what she’d like to watch or even what she’d like to eat. I’ve told him (again) that there can be no more raising “issues” in front of mum, wait til she’s napping and that things need discussed not an announcement that this is what will be happening. I also said we will encounter problems and I’ll probably make mistakes but we need to work through it for mums sake. He’s v traditional in his outlook regarding the house but he’ll hopefully come to terms with the changes. He's even told the carer off for not arriving bang on a certain time even though he’s been told there’s a time window for travelling/dealing with possible medical needs of previous people. I really hope he comes to terms with things soon, but I’ve resolved to try to ignore the pointed comments as best I can and make sure the house is as calm as possible for mum. It’s good to vent here instead of verbally at him too!!
It sounds like you are really trying your best to keep things as calm as possible for your mum
I think when the diagnosis is so new emotions run high & all of our bad points are magnified which can be a nightmare!
Have you had contact from a Dementia Support Worker yet? Maybe he or she could offer some advice.
I think when the diagnosis is so new emotions run high & all of our bad points are magnified which can be a nightmare!
Have you had contact from a Dementia Support Worker yet? Maybe he or she could offer some advice.
