Loneliness is a Killer

[Pete J]

I feel for anyone who has lost a loved one to Dementia.
I am myself in this situation. I lost my wife and soul mate in August 2017.
I am still struggling to come to terms with my loss. All our so called friends have long since disappeared. Maybe it's a selfish attitude, but I have never been a loner.,and I find it almost impossible to go anywhere alone. I would love to meet someone around my own age (67), not to take my Wife's place, because no one could ever come close. But to share a true friendship, and at least get out and about.. Loneliness is a killer.
Where doe's on go to meet people in a similar situation ?
Pete.

 

[Izzy]

Hi @Pete J

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. I lost my husband to dementia in July 2016 so I can understand how you feel. I suppose that my own situation is a bit different as I have 2 friends who also lost their husbands in the same year. We go out together and we go on holidays together. I know it's not the same as having one close person to do things with but it suits me. I am also relatively happy doing things by myself. I went on holiday by myself a couple of months after my husband died. I just needed to be by myself but of course I know that we're all different.

I do miss the closeness of having someone to share everything with. Even though my husband had dementia for 15 years I still blethered away to him right to the end. I really miss that. I also miss the hugs and smiles and laughter that we had.

Have you any friends you could go out with? I find it quite hard to go out with friends who are still couples but I do it. I wondered about any clubs that might be going on in your area - walking clubs or book clubs or whatever interests you. It's hard to join by yourself but it might be worth giving it a try,

I'm sorry I've not been of much help. Take care.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Pete J
is there a local branch of the U3A? - I know my library has details and a representative visits once in a while - in fact the library will have info on local clubs and events that you might like to join in and meet all sorts of people - maybe even some volunteer work: I do a couple of weekly sessions at my local family history centre - and walks with the Ramblers would get you out and about ...

 

[DeMartin]

Small steps. Volunteering is always a start. Hours as and when you can manage, it’s not what you are doing, it’s the people you meet. Just regular people.
Gets you up, washed and on time (yes, I went through a crisis and a volunteer job helped).
Friendships appear in unexpected places.

 

[Marcelle123]

I can imagine how lonely you must feel. I think the thing to do is to join something you're interested in, as the others have said.

Is there any sort of dancing that you like, because usually dance classes and groups have rather too many women and are pleased to see men. (I am a Scottish country dancer, where women dance together if there aren't enough male partners, and men are extremely welcome. I have a schoolfriend who does tango and is very good at it too, but often languishes for lack of a partner.) It might not find you a special friend, but it would be good for your mood and confidence and get you mingling with people again.

But if not dancing, walking or a book club seems a great idea.
Wishing you luck and that you find friends soon.

 

[Murper1]

Caring for a partner or parent throughout the dementia journey is so full-on, and friends can just melt away as they are living their own lives. On top of that, you feeling the loss of your wife may not be conducive to attracting friends old or new. But is it possible to reunite with one or two of your old friends? Or joining a local club? I live in a small village, but there are all sorts of groups, some more sophisticated than others! Or throw yourself into a dementia fundraising event in the name of your wife. It isn't easy. Would it help to talk to someone from Cruse bereavement counselling. I haven't thought of this before, but do Alzheimer's run meet up groups for people who have recently lost their partner with dementia? Perhaps you could run one?

 

[love.dad.but..]

It is such a big adjustment from intense caring to this stage. Hard enough as I was a daughter for my dad but imagine so much harder if a partner. There are a lot of different structured type regular clubs around but also ad hoc join in when you feel like it type if you pop the question into your search engine things will pop up and something may take your interest. In our area there is also a former carers coffee morning group...not just former dementia carers but all former carers. I have also seen groups that meet for social activities outings etc and a local free magazine placed in the supermarket often lists such groups where and when they meet.Don't forget a lot of former carers will be feeling exactly the same and taking that first step is daunting but you say ad you are not a loner by nature you will soon find your feet. I hope you find something that suits you.