Mum has just moved to a nursing home after being in residential care. I don't know whether there is a difference in care between the two types of homes but i have found the nursing Home is a breath of fresh air and now regret not moving mum sooner (she was in the residential home for 2 and half years and I wasn't happy with it but other relatives kept telling me they could be a lot worse so I stuck it out). Sadly mum has regressed terribly after 7weeks in hospital so cannot take advantage of the facilities in the new Home. Mum can't walk and has to be hoisted, she can't feed or drink by herself is doubly incontinent and spends most of the time with her eyes closed. She doesn't know me and as far as i can tell is not aware of her surroundings other than if it cold and she will sigh contentedly if i cover her. The Home are taking residents on an outing to look at a garden and my feeling is that this could be very disruptive and frightening for her. She is currently quite relaxed most of the time (although almost comatosed) whereas previously in hospital and former home, she would have prolonged bouts of screaming. The last time i took her out was Christmas to my house when she could walk but she spent the day half asleep or whimpering. I only wish that i could know what the best approach is. Is mum's deterioration after spending 7 weeks in hospital permanent? Should i insist on trying to stimulate her, get her physio to try and get her to walk? She has been in the bew home for 3 weeks. 10 weeks ago She was fully mobile, continent, feeding herself, communicating in her own way, enjoying music and knew me. Now that's all gone. As time goes on i am thinking there is no chance of getting any of that back and i am so tired of fighting for OT and other help for her then coming across barriers. I am also thinking she would be happier not to go on any outing and it's best to keep things simple for her and embrace how she is now. Or have i just given up on her. I just don't know.
Should mum go on outing
- Thread starter ChristinaG
- Start date
I can understand your feelings but in a different environment she may react differently from what you've seen in the last few months. The nursing home may have experience of this with other residents which is why they are willing to try this.
If you don't think it would cause her any harm, is it worth a try?
If you don't think it would cause her any harm, is it worth a try?
Thank you for your replies. I was coming round to agree it's worth a try but, having checked the lists of people going and when, have found she isn't listed. I assumed she was going as i received the e mail saying this had been arranged for our loved ones and to check the notice board for dates. I have now written to the activities co ordinator to ascertain the position as she has only been there 3 weeks. I don't know whether her name has bern missed or a decision has been made that she shouldn't go. Either way I think it would be nice to know. Thanks again.
hello @ChristinaG
I recognise a lot of your description in my dad and I no longer take my dad out of the home, indeed he can become anxious if wheeled out of his room into the garden - that doesn't mean I have given up on him, simply that I respond to his current situation with the main aim of keeping him as free from anxiety as possible - he can no longer cope with much stimulation
you say
it's great that you are much happier with the new home environment and that there are outings - maybe this one has come a bit too soon for your mum and you'll have a clearer idea of what is right for her when the next outing comes along
I recognise a lot of your description in my dad and I no longer take my dad out of the home, indeed he can become anxious if wheeled out of his room into the garden - that doesn't mean I have given up on him, simply that I respond to his current situation with the main aim of keeping him as free from anxiety as possible - he can no longer cope with much stimulation
you say
and I've generally found that my 'gut' feeling is worth listening to
it's great that you are much happier with the new home environment and that there are outings - maybe this one has come a bit too soon for your mum and you'll have a clearer idea of what is right for her when the next outing comes along
Just a quick up date, I am pleased to say the activities co-coordinator came straight back and said it might be a bit too soon to take her on an outing and promised to take her out into the garden. I wish I could do this when I visit but it would mean asking staff to transfer her to a wheelchair by hoist. They are pretty well staffed but they still have a lot to do so I will leave it until I have the chance to talk about her care plan. It's difficult as I don't want to give up on her and I would like to test the water to see whether she can do more. Currently she sits in an armchair all day with her eyes closed or is sound asleep probably 20 hours a day. On
the other hand I think I do need to be realistic as I know dementia is going to mean decline. It's a difficult balance which I am not qualified to make anymore. I was shocked to realise only yesterday when I was trying to feed mum that I am now completely out of my depth with understanding mum's advanced dementia. Up until now, even when she was in hospital I felt I knew what to do in her best interests. Now I just don't know. The other problem I have is having lived with dementia for 8 years and watching her decline in huge dips has made me jaded and tired. Not to mention the problems with her previous Home which I realise now had unacceptably low staff ratios and some residents suffered as there was no
nursing expertise. I feel I can't trust my instincts to do the right thing for her anymore. We all know how terrible this disease is for those who have it and those who care. It seems at every stage there are new horrors and challenges to address. Thanks again for your comments.
the other hand I think I do need to be realistic as I know dementia is going to mean decline. It's a difficult balance which I am not qualified to make anymore. I was shocked to realise only yesterday when I was trying to feed mum that I am now completely out of my depth with understanding mum's advanced dementia. Up until now, even when she was in hospital I felt I knew what to do in her best interests. Now I just don't know. The other problem I have is having lived with dementia for 8 years and watching her decline in huge dips has made me jaded and tired. Not to mention the problems with her previous Home which I realise now had unacceptably low staff ratios and some residents suffered as there was no
nursing expertise. I feel I can't trust my instincts to do the right thing for her anymore. We all know how terrible this disease is for those who have it and those who care. It seems at every stage there are new horrors and challenges to address. Thanks again for your comments.
