This Video is right we have stopped talking about dying
https://www.bbc.com/ideas/videos/dy...-taste-of-bbc-ideas-short-films-for-curious-m
https://www.bbc.com/ideas/videos/dy...-taste-of-bbc-ideas-short-films-for-curious-m
A BBC video about dying
- Thread starter nellbelles
- Start date
So true and something I've been saying for years.
The Victorians, because so many children died young and they often looked after family members had no such prohibitions about death and discussing it. Nowadays we have made such progress with the 'taboo subject' of sex, yet still have a long way to go in learning to accept and talk openly about death.
The Victorians, because so many children died young and they often looked after family members had no such prohibitions about death and discussing it. Nowadays we have made such progress with the 'taboo subject' of sex, yet still have a long way to go in learning to accept and talk openly about death.
I do agree with both of you. A friend told me about this book, then I read about it and the author and have since bought it. I have only read a little of it but look forward to getting back to it.
In the past most people died at home, family looking after them. After death washing, dressing them, preparing them for burial - I think 'laying them out' was the expression. The coffin remained in the home, family and friends visited to pay their respects and often the funeral took place in the home, also the wake. It was part of life - the end part of life. Just as the beginning of life, birth, took place at home.
As I think it says in this book, the more you talk about death the less frightening it is.
Loo xx
In the past most people died at home, family looking after them. After death washing, dressing them, preparing them for burial - I think 'laying them out' was the expression. The coffin remained in the home, family and friends visited to pay their respects and often the funeral took place in the home, also the wake. It was part of life - the end part of life. Just as the beginning of life, birth, took place at home.
As I think it says in this book, the more you talk about death the less frightening it is.
Loo xx
Good book worth a read is called 'Being Mortal - Illness, Medicine and What Matters in the End' ' by Atul Gawande.
The blurb on the back says '...... about what it's like to get old and die, how medicine has changed this and how it hasn't, where our ideas about death have gone wrong,'
Very compassionate read.
The blurb on the back says '...... about what it's like to get old and die, how medicine has changed this and how it hasn't, where our ideas about death have gone wrong,'
Very compassionate read.
For anyone in Yorkshire, there's an organisation called Pushing Up Daisies, which aims to promote more discussion about 'good' death and dying etc through an annual festival and various other initiatives. I've only just found out about it, but sounds interesting:
http://www.pushingupdaisies.org/
http://www.pushingupdaisies.org/
Sorry guys don’t understand this I should have thought it was a subject every one talks about because we will get there, just worked over past 20 year out our extended family 33 have died
12 of those were either Parents of Brothers or Sisters, also when you get to my age people you went to school or grew up with are dying all the time
ps we never buy a newspaper but every week when the local paper come out my wife phone my cousin to ask if anyone we know has died
12 of those were either Parents of Brothers or Sisters, also when you get to my age people you went to school or grew up with are dying all the time
ps we never buy a newspaper but every week when the local paper come out my wife phone my cousin to ask if anyone we know has died
I think people will talk about the fact that someone is dying, or has died, but no one talks about what the process of dying entails.
So often people come on here posting to say that their PWD is on end of life, they are frightened and dont know what to expected. Then other posters have to come on and say that various things that happen are normal and part of the process of dying. The thing that immediately springs to mind is the way that very few people know that at the end they stop eating and drinking as the body is slowly closing down. So many times people come on here worried that their PWD is starving to death.
So often people come on here posting to say that their PWD is on end of life, they are frightened and dont know what to expected. Then other posters have to come on and say that various things that happen are normal and part of the process of dying. The thing that immediately springs to mind is the way that very few people know that at the end they stop eating and drinking as the body is slowly closing down. So many times people come on here worried that their PWD is starving to death.
The name of the book I referred to in my post #3 is ' With The End In Mind' by Kathryn Mannix.
The link from @nellbelles featured the author but the video would not work for me. Kept saying I needed Flashplayer but would not download it - and I think I have it anyway. It featured the author.
Quoted from the back of her book:
"I am on a mission to reclaim public understanding of dying.
I have helped to care for thousands of people at the very end their lives and have seen first-hand the harm done by the Taboo of Death. Instead of dying, people 'pass away'. They are not 'dead', but 'late', 'lost' or departed'.
It is time to give each other permission to talk about dying.
Confronting the process allows us to plan for and relate to our dearest people over the last part of their lives."
There is more. You could Google her name to read more about her.
Loo x
The link from @nellbelles featured the author but the video would not work for me. Kept saying I needed Flashplayer but would not download it - and I think I have it anyway. It featured the author.
Quoted from the back of her book:
"I am on a mission to reclaim public understanding of dying.
I have helped to care for thousands of people at the very end their lives and have seen first-hand the harm done by the Taboo of Death. Instead of dying, people 'pass away'. They are not 'dead', but 'late', 'lost' or departed'.
It is time to give each other permission to talk about dying.
Confronting the process allows us to plan for and relate to our dearest people over the last part of their lives."
There is more. You could Google her name to read more about her.
Loo x
Thanks for the video Nellbelles. Its really good. My experience of death was for it to be brushed over and funerals were rather frightening. Maybe it was just me. But the deaths of close family recently has thrown me right into it and when dad and I signed mum's DNR, I read some things that helped me immensely, spoke with medics and learnt much here at TP. My son, who already knew he wanted to work in healthcare, did a course on palliative care run by a local hospice during his sixth form; I was bowled over by him doing this and thought it was an amazing thing for the hospice to run. It should help us if we can accept that there can be a better and even good lead up to death where the person dying and the people around them can embrace the time they have together in the best way possible for them. (May be not possible for traumatic unexpected death).
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There was also an excellent BBC series called 'My Last Summer'. (or something similar) which looked at the lives of terminally ill people. It showed them with their families and brought them together to discuss how they were dealing with their illness. It was very moving and quite revealing.
Someone else on TP might recall it but definitely worth a look.
Someone else on TP might recall it but definitely worth a look.
I’ve mentioned before that my mother used to enjoy discussing with me various aspects of her death. I treated it very matter of factly and went along with it whereas others would have tried to discourage her. She liked to talk about what would happen to herself and her things and how her life had been and what would lie ahead in an after life. Now personally I couldn’t care less about my after life and I’m now about the age she was then but I think it may well be of comfort to some to get these ideas out in the open.
It is very true that we have enormous trouble discussing death and dying. I have seen many newspaper and magazine articles talking about how doing such-and-such will "reduce the risk of dying by 70%" or some high figure. What they really mean is that it will reduce the risk of dying prematurely or some such thing. After all, dying is not a risk, it's a certainty. I've sent many an irritated email pointing this fact out, not that I get many responses.
I also hear many people say passed or passed away. I don't use those terms, I prefer to say died or dead or dying. However, that's a personal preference. I think using a euphemism is not a good idea but that's me.
I also hear many people say passed or passed away. I don't use those terms, I prefer to say died or dead or dying. However, that's a personal preference. I think using a euphemism is not a good idea but that's me.
When Tom died his great grandson talked about his passing I really didn’t like this, sorry he had died.
It’s a sad thing but if you are born you die nothing you do can change that.
And no I don’t like that anymore than any of you
It’s a sad thing but if you are born you die nothing you do can change that.
And no I don’t like that anymore than any of you
