whys my life getting worse?

Trapisha

Registered User
Nov 28, 2017
135
0
My mom has mixed dementia carers twice a day been quite stable for a year but just lately if i
tell her anything she rings me to say thought you said this and i have prob said the opposite i
was getting on with it but my husband had tongue cancer ten years ago and has always had
voice issues which have got to the point where he gets episodes of breathing problems and
then being anxious makes it worse. So when he saw the consultant two days ago they have kept
him in hospital to look at vocal cords may be dysfunctioning . I am an only child a nd have no
one else to talk to my husbands family don't seem close and don't seem to care. Why is this
life getting worse i am crying off and on don't know how to cope .!!!
 

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
My mom has mixed dementia carers twice a day been quite stable for a year but just lately if i
tell her anything she rings me to say thought you said this and i have prob said the opposite i
was getting on with it but my husband had tongue cancer ten years ago and has always had
voice issues which have got to the point where he gets episodes of breathing problems and
then being anxious makes it worse. So when he saw the consultant two days ago they have kept
him in hospital to look at vocal cords may be dysfunctioning . I am an only child a nd have no
one else to talk to my husbands family don't seem close and don't seem to care. Why is this
life getting worse i am crying off and on don't know how to cope .!!!

Sorry I can't offer advice but I can offer you a big virtual HUG. I'm an only child too so I know where you are coming from, but remember, that also makes us stronger and you will cope, you have to, you don't have a choice. Also, just writing it down sometimes helps, I have found the support and advice here so valuable, so you are doing the right thing sharing your worries here.

I hope your husband will be OK and your mum calling and getting mixed up is just one of the symptoms of dementia.

Take care.
Elle x
 

Trapisha

Registered User
Nov 28, 2017
135
0
Sorry I can't offer advice but I can offer you a big virtual HUG. I'm an only child too so I know where you are coming from, but remember, that also makes us stronger and you will cope, you have to, you don't have a choice. Also, just writing it down sometimes helps, I have found the support and advice here so valuable, so you are doing the right thing sharing your worries here.

I hope your husband will be OK and your mum calling and getting mixed up is just one of the symptoms of dementia.

Take care.
Elle x


Thank you so much for listening Elle xxx
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
My mom has mixed dementia carers twice a day been quite stable for a year but just lately if i
tell her anything she rings me to say thought you said this and i have prob said the opposite i
was getting on with it but my husband had tongue cancer ten years ago and has always had
voice issues which have got to the point where he gets episodes of breathing problems and
then being anxious makes it worse. So when he saw the consultant two days ago they have kept
him in hospital to look at vocal cords may be dysfunctioning . I am an only child a nd have no
one else to talk to my husbands family don't seem close and don't seem to care. Why is this
life getting worse i am crying off and on don't know how to cope .!!!
You are probably coping better than you think as there is a lot going on there so don't be hard on yourself.
If you think it would help have a chat with the experts on the help line as they may be able to assist you. The details are
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
This is it, we are always here. All sympathy and fellow feeling. I know things seem to be getting so much worse. Talk to us whenever you can. Gx
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
734
0
London
Yes, Trapisha, you are coping better than you think.

I am an only child too and I found for my own peace of mind I keep conversations with Mum quite light hearted and about things in the news that aren't related to family matters unless they are happy. I am not always in the right frame of mind to cope with the endless repitition or misunderstandings.
For the time being concentrate on your husband who needs you more. I hope all his investigations go well and there is a good outcome. Best Wishes.
 

Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,270
0
East Midlands
I’m an only child too & it is very hard for us not having anyone else to share that burden with sibling wise. I do have half sisters but they are my dad’s children & they are 20 years plus older than me & live in Australia so not much good to me plus they aren’t exactly sympathetic either.
Please use the forum when you need to vent as someone will always understand your point of view.

I don’t really have much convo with my mum as her capacity is so limited so we have lots of repetition but being there is a thing that the PWD probably values the most. We will be able to spend more time with her when we move house so at least that will be good!
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I am not an only child but have two invisible sisters and sometimes when caring for dad and taking care of his affairs I often thought as I tried to keep them informed without much reaction or any response at least if I was an only child I would not feel the need to and continuous disappointment that I was left to do it all in the hope at some point they would offer to help or even just show an interest in dad. So even with siblings it is not always the case that they are a willing help or who are willing to share the mental stress. Perhaps phone the dementia helpline as a starting point for you and also see if your mum can be given any more support if she is entering another phase or perhaps a befriender could pop in to give her a bit more social contact which may help you. Your OH is your priority atm and I hope things settle a little for you soon
 

Trapisha

Registered User
Nov 28, 2017
135
0
You are probably coping better than you think as there is a lot going on there so don't be hard on yourself.
If you think it would help have a chat with the experts on the help line as they may be able to assist you. The details are
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

Thank you i may call them xxxx
 

Trapisha

Registered User
Nov 28, 2017
135
0
Yes, Trapisha, you are coping better than you think.

I am an only child too and I found for my own peace of mind I keep conversations with Mum quite light hearted and about things in the news that aren't related to family matters unless they are happy. I am not always in the right frame of mind to cope with the endless repitition or misunderstandings.
For the time being concentrate on your husband who needs you more. I hope all his investigations go well and there is a good outcome. Best Wishes.


Thank you so much xxx
 

Trapisha

Registered User
Nov 28, 2017
135
0
I’m an only child too & it is very hard for us not having anyone else to share that burden with sibling wise. I do have half sisters but they are my dad’s children & they are 20 years plus older than me & live in Australia so not much good to me plus they aren’t exactly sympathetic either.
Please use the forum when you need to vent as someone will always understand your point of view.

I don’t really have much convo with my mum as her capacity is so limited so we have lots of repetition but being there is a thing that the PWD probably values the most. We will be able to spend more time with her when we move house so at least that will be good!

I know its hard hope it gets better when you move xxx
 

Trapisha

Registered User
Nov 28, 2017
135
0
I am not an only child but have two invisible sisters and sometimes when caring for dad and taking care of his affairs I often thought as I tried to keep them informed without much reaction or any response at least if I was an only child I would not feel the need to and continuous disappointment that I was left to do it all in the hope at some point they would offer to help or even just show an interest in dad. So even with siblings it is not always the case that they are a willing help or who are willing to share the mental stress. Perhaps phone the dementia helpline as a starting point for you and also see if your mum can be given any more support if she is entering another phase or perhaps a befriender could pop in to give her a bit more social contact which may help you. Your OH is your priority atm and I hope things settle a little for you soon

Thank you for replying you are right xxx