Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

[Amethyst59]

Hi , I've joined forum as lying awake upset. my mum nd dad have been living with dementia for some years now. mum has now had 2 strokes and is moving to a care home this week. I know this is the right time and choice but have so many conflicting emotions. my dad is now alone at home too so the struggle continues. must admit I feel guilty,, alone and emotionally drained. Can't sleep and yet am so tired.

Hello, Willow. Welcome to Talking Point. It is horrible lying awake at night, everything seems so much worse. It is such a hard decision to make the move to a care home, but so many of us on this forum have found that it has been absolutely the right decision. My husband moved about six weeks ago, and already I feel more rested, healthier, happier...and he is too! No more grumpy, sleep deprived wife trying to cope 24 hours a day. He has good, consistent, kind care.
Your dad can enjoy visiting your mum and will benefit from the rest. I don’t deny that he is going to take some time to adjust to living alone, and that you will need to be involved...but this is not necessarily going to be a bad thing for any of you.
Will you consider starting your own thread? You will find the members are so friendly and welcoming...and helpful. Many will have been in exactly your position and there is a wealth of knowledge and support here.
Double click on the ‘forum’ link. Select ‘I care for a person with dementia’ and then select start a new thread.

 

[tony truro]

Hi My Husband has Altzheimers and has got worse over the last year, but recently he gets up to go to the toilet and goes on the bathroom floor, i have got a bottle he uses but recently when he gets up to go i go to help and he gets angry with me swears at me, he has never sworm at me in all the years we have been married. We are soul mates and this is hurting me. I cant go out now as i never know when he will go to the loo recently he went on the coffee table. Dpoes anyone have any similar problems.

yes my wife is the same bathroom floor its like the brain tells them thers the toilet now its ok to pee . its part of the dementia i just get the mop out most mornings .since she has new night medication its got a bit better . his it night or day or all the time .? . look after yourself and try and rest ..tony

 

[Amethyst59]

Hi My Husband has Altzheimers and has got worse over the last year, but recently he gets up to go to the toilet and goes on the bathroom floor, i have got a bottle he uses but recently when he gets up to go i go to help and he gets angry with me swears at me, he has never sworm at me in all the years we have been married. We are soul mates and this is hurting me. I cant go out now as i never know when he will go to the loo recently he went on the coffee table. Dpoes anyone have any similar problems.

Hello, Sqeaker...yes, sadly, this sounds very familiar. I had problems with my husband at night, in particular and we found leaving the bathroom light on and the door open helped for a while. Then I had to make sure I always left the loo lid up ...and eventually I had to get up with him each time to make sure he performed in the right place.
Some people have found that buying a bright red loo seat has helped, as all the white blends in together and can be confusing.
If you start your own thread, you will find that many members will answer your post and you will have all your replies together in one place. Double click on ‘forum’ select ‘my partner has dementia’ then select start a new thread.

 

[Amethyst59]

Hi,bit new to using forums but here goes!!!
I joined because my stepdad has Alzeimers,he is 87,& has always been quite eccentric anyway.Recently we have been granted financial power of attorney because we were told he hadn't got the capacity to manage his finances.He has been in my life for about 40 years but only married my mum 12 years ago,she sadly passed away 9 years ago & since then my sisters & I have looked after him as though he is our dad.He has always supported us,emotionally & sometimes financially because he wanted to,we have always been a close family.Sorry long story short,recently his ex wife's godson has made financial abuse allegations about myself & my husband.Obviously this is extremely distressing & I'm not eating or sleeping.We have a meeting next week with a social worker where we have been ordered to hand over my stepdad's cheque book & bank card which we keep to stop him losing them again.The social worker assessed my stepdad recently & has now said he has got financial capacity even though his care home told me the other day he has lost the hundred pounds that he demanded my husband leave for him on our last visit.Can anyone reassure me about the meeting,what to expect etc,many thanks.

Good morning! This is a horrible problem for you, but I think it is one some of our members will have experience of. If you start your own thread you will catch the eye of more members, and receive more replies. Double click the ‘forum’ link, select ‘l care for a person with dementia’ and then select ‘start a new thread’.

 

[Willow63]

Thank you for your kindness in responding to my post it really helped.

 

[Blanco]

I am 89 my wife who is 80 has dementia and we have no relatives who live locally. She wandered off when we bvisited Sainsburys yesterday and was found by customer services. I want to get her an identity bracelet incase it happens again it was frightening Sory thanks for your welcome.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Blanco, you are welcome here.
Wandering off in shops is a problem I have had to deal with too.
I haven't had to buy a bracelet but maybe someone who has will be along to point you in the right direction.

 

[Willow63]

Hello, Willow. Welcome to Talking Point. It is horrible lying awake at night, everything seems so much worse. It is such a hard decision to make the move to a care home, but so many of us on this forum have found that it has been absolutely the right decision. My husband moved about six weeks ago, and already I feel more rested, healthier, happier...and he is too! No more grumpy, sleep deprived wife trying to cope 24 hours a day. He has good, consistent, kind care.
Your dad can enjoy visiting your mum and will benefit from the rest. I don’t deny that he is going to take some time to adjust to living alone, and that you will need to be involved...but this is not necessarily going to be a bad thing for any of you.
Will you consider starting your own thread? You will find the members are so friendly and welcoming...and helpful. Many will have been in exactly your position and there is a wealth of knowledge and support here.
Double click on the ‘forum’ link. Select ‘I care for a person with dementia’ and then select start a new thread.

 

[Willow63]

Thank you for your encouraging post. Hopefully mum will be moved to her new home tomorrow. I'm not very good at social media but will attempt to .

 

[Eunomi]

Hi my name is Eunomi, so glad I have found this site, my husband has mixed dementia.Some days I feel like a yo-yo, but hope your support will see me through.

 

[Izzy]

Hi my name is Eunomi, so glad I have found this site, my husband has mixed dementia.Some days I feel like a yo-yo, but hope your support will see me through.

Hi there and welcome to TP. I'm sure you'll find loads of help and support here.

 

[carlyonbay]

Hi my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia at the age of 63 I’ve cared for her through the deteriorating 10 years her dementia has got to the point now where I have to feed her she is incontinent she has swallowing problems and more recently has been crying and sobbing frequently during the day despite the fact that she has not been in pain not hungry et cetera I do not know how to deal with this it’s hard to ignore she continues to take her anti dementia drugs plus antidepressants which have no significant effect she has visual impairment her mobility is deteriorating at times she becomes uncooperative with the carers that were made to help with personal care to the point where I have to intervene and take over we have tried respite care but this is been a complete Phalia as she refuses her medication refuses food and fluids and refuses to get her to bed eventually I have to bring her home and care for her again social services have acknowledged that she does need home care rather than residential care I would be grateful for any advice on how to manage the situation any better than what I’m doing it is hard and stressful but I don’t want to give up caring for my wife as we have known each other since we were 17 years old and have been together for 57 She cannot help her situation or condition my wife was the senior practitioner in general practice so awful to see her in such a situation now she cannot help her situation or condition my wife was the senior practitioner in general practice so awful to see her in such a situation I can cope with all of the above but it is the crying and sobbing that I find very distressing and hard to deal with and I don’t like to ignore what is like I think they call it emotional lability but that doesn’t help me to deal with it

 

[maryjoan]

Hi My Husband has Altzheimers and has got worse over the last year, but recently he gets up to go to the toilet and goes on the bathroom floor, i have got a bottle he uses but recently when he gets up to go i go to help and he gets angry with me swears at me, he has never sworm at me in all the years we have been married. We are soul mates and this is hurting me. I cant go out now as i never know when he will go to the loo recently he went on the coffee table. Dpoes anyone have any similar problems.

Yes, it seems this is all part of the awful disease that is dementia. PWD fails to recognise the 'correct' place to use - would all seem strange to us. My PWD insists on peeing in the bathroom wash basin - we only have the one bathroom and I find this totally horrid,but he cannot stop himself.
The bottom line is that dementia is a disease suffered by the person concerned, but also suffered by all the family, carer, and even friend.........

 

[Maggierose]

my mum has dementia and has been getting worse for a few years. recently had to put her in a residential home,and she has been in and out of hospital with falls. she was "specialed for a couple of days and nights"
night before last she was "looked after" byan agency HCA who according to the patients in the bay with her was very cruel and rough with her!
They alll have put written complaints in and I have also done one. I am a nurse and know how challenging it can be but I have never been rough or unkind.
Im really struggling as she does still know her family butis distressed all the time wants to go out but doesnt know where. she is being nursed in bed as she is a falls risk! i have said I dont want her to stay in bed all day as she is almost pulling her hair out and each time I go in its a different nurse who I have to keep telling she can actually walk to be told no she cant. I walked her myself 2 days ago.
really just looking for a bit of support as I support the rest of my family and am feeling very pressured
hope to get involved a little with you all and know Im not alone
thanks xx

 

[sqeaker]

Hello, Sqeaker...yes, sadly, this sounds very familiar. I had problems with my husband at night, in particular and we found leaving the bathroom light on and the door open helped for a while. Then I had to make sure I always left the loo lid up ...and eventually I had to get up with him each time to make sure he performed in the right place.
Some people have found that buying a bright red loo seat has helped, as all the white blends in together and can be confusing.
If you start your own thread, you will find that many members will answer your post and you will have all your replies together in one place. Double click on ‘forum’ select ‘my partner has dementia’ then select start a new thread.

Thank you so much i am i must admit a bit lost using this forum but i thought i would find people in the same position as me, i am really grateful to you.

 

[SpanishAnnie]

Hello fellow members - my 1st post. My husband and I...not that we are royal.. sorry that made me chuckle....we are looking after his father who is 96 with vascular dementia, diagnosed 2 yrs ago, still on this steep learning curve and trying to get my head around it. Each day is very different and some days its an hour by hour roller coaster. We live in Spain and my FIL has been with us 5 mths now, he is registered on the Spanish Health system. I have a few things I'd like to understand better, so will have a little look around the various forums before I launch in !

 

[karaokePete]

Hello fellow members - my 1st post. My husband and I...not that we are royal.. sorry that made me chuckle....we are looking after his father who is 96 with vascular dementia, diagnosed 2 yrs ago, still on this steep learning curve and trying to get my head around it. Each day is very different and some days its an hour by hour roller coaster. We live in Spain and my FIL has been with us 5 mths now, he is registered on the Spanish Health system. I have a few things I'd like to understand better, so will have a little look around the various forums before I launch in !

Welcome to TP, you should find this a friendly, informative and supportive place. The various forums are a great place to start looking around as they are a gold mine for information.
If you want to start on the various Factsheets after that here's a link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...ets/861/publications_and_factsheets_full_list

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to TP @SpanishAnnie.
I'm not sure if it's much consolation but the learning curve and the roller coaster go on for a few years. Still, you are in the right place for advice and support. Take as much time as you need t settle in, but if you do need to ask questions or just let off steam then click on the down arrow after the FORUMS header and click on the [I care for a person with dementia] forum.
At the top, you'll see a button called 'Post New Thread' - click or tap on this.
Add a discussion title then add your message below. Then click or tap the [Create Thread] button.
Under the "post new thread" button is the option to 'watch thread' which can give you updates if you get answers.
I hope this helps, but if you have any further questions about using Talking Point, please contact the team by emailing talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Maggierose
a warm welcome to TP
so sorry to read of how your mum was treated - how thoughtful of the other patents to have spoken up and complained on your mum's behalf
I hope you're able to have a read round the forums as there's a wealth of information here - and all the support the many members can offer
so now you have found TP, you are definitely not alone
whenever you are ready, start your own thread and folk will join in with sympathy and suggestions

 

[Tammyrox]

Hi my mum has vascular dementia and been diagnosed 5 years ago. She has very recently lost her husband of 58years. Her life has been turned upside down I live close by and have been staying most nights. She is coping. She is able to be left but won't acknowledge her memory problems Not sure what I. Can do