Urgent advice required

harry100

New member
Apr 5, 2018
7
0
Both FIL in his 80's and his partner diagnosed with Alzheimers 2 years ago both living in partner's house for 10 years until 5 weeks ago. Partner fell and having absent seizures admitted to hospital and subsequently sectioned because of aggressive behaviour unlikely to return and will go into CH .FIL has been happy living with us needs 24 hour care but not incontinent, able to dress, healthly appetite, we go for long walks, his short term memory is really bad but enjoying some more freedom from aggressive partner able now to speak to neighbours and friends but still visits her once or twice a week in hospital. My husband and I think he should not go into care at this time and happy for him to stay with us meantime. POA for finance and welfare for FIL between my husband and two sisters but they believe they are best together and should enter care at the same time. One sister says she has obtained a certificate of incapacity from GP some months ago unbeknown to us. Feels like there is no hope for FIL and he will end up in CH as two sisters will have majority say. Also as two families involved its doubly difficult. Needed to vent and ask for advice is there anything we can do.

Quick update found out through the GP practice that Certificate of Incapacity was signed 2 days ago
when said sister was supposedly taking him for a visit to see partner in hospital she has blatantly lied to us and the doctor as some comments on the certificate are untrue. Now says she will pick him up tomorrow to stay with her. We know if he goes he will not be allowed to come back. Are we within our rights not to let him go. Help! Desperate!
 
Last edited:

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
341
0
77
Central Scotland
The reality is that FIL will deteriorate and may well need to be in a care home at a later date. Also it will take months to find a suitable care home, especially as the sisters will need to find one that has 2 vacancies at the same time, and need to negotiate with the partner's family, who may have totally different plans for their relative or be unwilling/unable to meet the costs of the chosen home. What I am trying to say is that nothing will happen in the near future, and you will have ample time to seek information and advice and then consider the options. Bear in mind that being in the same care home as the Partner would be quite different from the two of them living together in their own home, as there would be staff around at all times to safeguard Dad from any aggression or abuse.
 

harry100

New member
Apr 5, 2018
7
0
The reality is that FIL will deteriorate and may well need to be in a care home at a later date. Also it will take months to find a suitable care home, especially as the sisters will need to find one that has 2 vacancies at the same time, and need to negotiate with the partner's family, who may have totally different plans for their relative or be unwilling/unable to meet the costs of the chosen home. What I am trying to say is that nothing will happen in the near future, and you will have ample time to seek information and advice and then consider the options. Bear in mind that being in the same care home as the Partner would be quite different from the two of them living together in their own home, as there would be staff around at all times to safeguard Dad from any aggression or abuse.

Thank you for your advice we have seen a steady decline over the past two years and are realistic about the possibility of a CH in the future but feel this is not the right time.
 

harry100

New member
Apr 5, 2018
7
0
POA for finance and welfare are all solely or jointly.

A quick update FIL is still with us.
Sisters refused an offsite meeting to discuss a way forward and options to put to FIL
Insisted on being present to put the question to Dad directly so all was relayed in front of him.
He said again he wanted to stay with us and did not want to go into a care home and live with his partner.
My husband insisted on clarity and transparency as to his present situation as we believed he signed a cohabitation agreement with his partner and his personal effects are still there although we do have access we do not want to start moving his things out, but he has been living out of a suitcase for the past 7 weeks.
Mentioned the certificate of incapacity and was told it happened and we had to move on from it.
Dad mentioned paying for board and lodgings as my husband will be here full time for him and giving up work..
Sisters just said oh we are not paying for you to look after him.
Have booked an appointment with CAB for advice. Families!!!!
Meanwhile we enjoy are nightly crossword sessions. Still in the same village he moved to 50 years ago and able for his daily walks.
 

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