Compulsive buying strategy

john1939

Registered User
Sep 21, 2017
200
0
Newtownabbey
Hello. I am doing my best to devise a plan to deal with compulsive buying.My wife has a compulsion for plastic food boxes and scissors. The last count was 37 pair of scissors.
I normally let her buy these things just to keep the peace, and of course our kitchen cupboards are stuffed with food boxes and other items.
The garage is rapidly filling too so it wont be long before that is full too.
Today while having coffee in a large store she arrived at the checkout with several plastic measuring jugs and more food boxes.
She emptied her purse out on the counter but had not enough to pay for them. I asked her did she really need them as we had plenty at home.
A terrific outburst then ensued with her calling me all the expletives in the book and then some . A massive scene, so bad that waiting customers moved away to other checkouts. Soon she was so angry that I was afraid that she would take a stroke or worse. I hastily paid for the goods and left the shop.
We arrived home eventually and as I locked the car she asked if we had bought anything. I said no, nothing.
She had forgotten all about the plastic boxes. I have the till receipt and will return them tomorrow.
The moral, I think is to avoid a confrontation at all costs but just return the goods when the opportunity occurs.

Finally, just discovered that she had been hiding her medication under the bed mattress!!
 

JBK

Registered User
Feb 25, 2018
47
0
Hello. I am doing my best to devise a plan to deal with compulsive buying.My wife has a compulsion for plastic food boxes and scissors. The last count was 37 pair of scissors.
I normally let her buy these things just to keep the peace, and of course our kitchen cupboards are stuffed with food boxes and other items.
The garage is rapidly filling too so it wont be long before that is full too.
Today while having coffee in a large store she arrived at the checkout with several plastic measuring jugs and more food boxes.
She emptied her purse out on the counter but had not enough to pay for them. I asked her did she really need them as we had plenty at home.
A terrific outburst then ensued with her calling me all the expletives in the book and then some . A massive scene, so bad that waiting customers moved away to other checkouts. Soon she was so angry that I was afraid that she would take a stroke or worse. I hastily paid for the goods and left the shop.
We arrived home eventually and as I locked the car she asked if we had bought anything. I said no, nothing.
She had forgotten all about the plastic boxes. I have the till receipt and will return them tomorrow.
The moral, I think is to avoid a confrontation at all costs but just return the goods when the opportunity occurs.

Finally, just discovered that she had been hiding her medication under the bed mattress!!
I agree with avoiding confrontation John at all costs. Some times so hard to implement though, although I know I will be the one who gets upset as
OH forgets all about it.
It's like treading on the proverbial egg shells, the slightest bit of what he thinks is criticism will set off an out burst no matter where we are, always ends up with him threatening to p...s off.
You must have been very patient not to say anything about not buying the scissors before ...37 pairs !
He too,was hiding his meds, so now have them dispensed in weekly dispensers from Dr. & I am in charge of administering them.
Happy days!!!
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
@john1939 I'm glad you raised this, you are not alone! My mum likes buying house plants. Her favourite activity is to visit Notcutts, our local garden centre, where she feels compelled to buy one, sometimes two, house plants. We often do this once a week. Her house is overflowing, it's like a jungle! I'm forever watering the spider plants, umbrella plants and ferns. At least your plastic boxes don't keep growing! I find it hard to deny her this, it's her only fun leisure activity, she refuses the day centre, dementia cafes and other options available.
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
0
@john1939 I'm glad you raised this, you are not alone! My mum likes buying house plants. Her favourite activity is to visit Notcutts, our local garden centre, where she feels compelled to buy one, sometimes two, house plants. We often do this once a week. Her house is overflowing, it's like a jungle! I'm forever watering the spider plants, umbrella plants and ferns. At least your plastic boxes don't keep growing! I find it hard to deny her this, it's her only fun leisure activity, she refuses the day centre, dementia cafes and other options available.


Could you steer her towards the fake plants. Some of them look very realistic with the bonus of no watering or growing to contend with, just the occasional dunk in a bucket of water to wash the dust off. Mum bought herself a plant the other day thinking it was real and was quite surprised when I told her it wouldn’t need watering because it was fake.
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
0
Hello. I am doing my best to devise a plan to deal with compulsive buying.My wife has a compulsion for plastic food boxes and scissors. The last count was 37 pair of scissors.
I normally let her buy these things just to keep the peace, and of course our kitchen cupboards are stuffed with food boxes and other items.
The garage is rapidly filling too so it wont be long before that is full too.
Today while having coffee in a large store she arrived at the checkout with several plastic measuring jugs and more food boxes.
She emptied her purse out on the counter but had not enough to pay for them. I asked her did she really need them as we had plenty at home.
A terrific outburst then ensued with her calling me all the expletives in the book and then some . A massive scene, so bad that waiting customers moved away to other checkouts. Soon she was so angry that I was afraid that she would take a stroke or worse. I hastily paid for the goods and left the shop.
We arrived home eventually and as I locked the car she asked if we had bought anything. I said no, nothing.
She had forgotten all about the plastic boxes. I have the till receipt and will return them tomorrow.
The moral, I think is to avoid a confrontation at all costs but just return the goods when the opportunity occurs.

Finally, just discovered that she had been hiding her medication under the bed mattress!!


If distraction doesn’t work I too would go with buy and return. It keeps everyone happy and saves unnecessary stress, though not endless journeys to the shops. Happy shopping!
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
891
0
Middle England
A terrific outburst then ensued with her calling me all the expletives in the book and then some . A massive scene, so bad that waiting customers moved away to other checkouts. Soon she was so angry that I was afraid that she would take a stroke or worse. I hastily paid for the goods and left the shop.

Hi @john1939, My mum would also have the occasional massive meltdown when we were out shopping - usually in the middle of a busy queue at our local T***co store (other supermarkets do exist in our area!) During one such trip a fellow shopper caught my eye, smiled and quietly said "Are you okay?" tears welled up big time but I smiled back and nodded. I could do nothing more. But I often think of that kind, nice person and am truly grateful for her thoughtfulness. If I ever see anyone in a similar situation I will try to do the same as she did, it meant so much to me on a very grey day.
 

Bree

Registered User
Oct 16, 2013
246
0
I too have a similar problem, only rather different. OH keeps wanting me to buy things for his computer, which he doesn't use. A disc for this, or a part for that, we have a scene if I don't agree to, I have tried saying I have, but then every day he's asking when it will arrive, so I give in a buy it. Then he can't put it on his computer, so I have to arrange for someone else to do it, often I'm asked why he wants it, as it's no use to him, but I just shrug my shoulders and smile. He's always been a gadget man, but he's now got two laptops, one I-pad, 1 tablet, and a smart phone to fiddle with. My on-line phone bill shows charges for use on his phone for data, but when I asked what it was, he doesn't know. He's like a child in a sweet shop, but how to stop it ?
 

Rolypoly

Registered User
Jan 15, 2018
2,319
0
I too have a similar problem, only rather different. OH keeps wanting me to buy things for his computer, which he doesn't use. A disc for this, or a part for that, we have a scene if I don't agree to, I have tried saying I have, but then every day he's asking when it will arrive, so I give in a buy it. Then he can't put it on his computer, so I have to arrange for someone else to do it, often I'm asked why he wants it, as it's no use to him, but I just shrug my shoulders and smile. He's always been a gadget man, but he's now got two laptops, one I-pad, 1 tablet, and a smart phone to fiddle with. My on-line phone bill shows charges for use on his phone for data, but when I asked what it was, he doesn't know. He's like a child in a sweet shop, but how to stop it ?


Could you tell him the bit is out of stock and they will email/ phone/send when back in. It will be some time as it’s in high demand. Then he might forget or be distracted with something else to buy.
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
Thanks for the helpful suggestions about compulsive plant buying, very helpful. @Bree , this sounds like my mum at an earlier stage. Every day I arrived to find a new request for something she needed, immediately! involving a trip to the shops. I do find it easier to avoid the more expensive demands as (sadly) the condition progresses.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,678
0
Midlands
The plastic box buyer...

In these days and times of carrier bags not being provided, could you equip yourself with a set in the shopping bag that goes out with you? ''Here they are, we have already paid for them''
 

Bee.quilt

Registered User
Dec 29, 2017
85
0
We get repeat items. Milk, 6pack crisps, bread roll packs, oven ready chickens. All useful singly, but not every day. We have a very grateful daughter in law and elderly neighbour. Hey ho!
 

john1939

Registered User
Sep 21, 2017
200
0
Newtownabbey
Wife used to have an obsession with one of those electric hair straighteners.. She used them every time she went out. Before long her hair became so damaged that she was in danger of causing bald spots.
I lied to her and said that they were faulty and had to be returned to the manufacturer for repair.
Needless to say I binned them as they were also a fire risk as quite a few times they were left on for hours.
When she inquired about them I said that a new set was in the post. Never mentions them now.
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
Wife used to have an obsession with one of those electric hair straighteners.. She used them every time she went out. Before long her hair became so damaged that she was in danger of causing bald spots.
I lied to her and said that they were faulty and had to be returned to the manufacturer for repair.
Needless to say I binned them as they were also a fire risk as quite a few times they were left on for hours.
When she inquired about them I said that a new set was in the post. Never mentions them now.
This more than anything else brings home to me how truly awful dementia is. I absolutely love my hair straighteners and would die rather than anyone see me with my curly wild untamed hair in full flow. Ridiculous I know. But of course, they would have to be taken away! You are the best husband John, and I guess the truth is we quickly forget whatever it was we thought was crucial in the moment.
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
Just back from the garden centre. We have a hanging basket and another melamine tray. I put my foot down with renewed confidence to the bay tree at £130. Might just have a wheelchair ride around the park next week.
 

john1939

Registered User
Sep 21, 2017
200
0
Newtownabbey
Just back from the garden centre. We have a hanging basket and another melamine tray. I put my foot down with renewed confidence to the bay tree at £130. Might just have a wheelchair ride around the park next week.
I congratulate you for standing your ground. I tried that and an explosive meltdown happened and I ended up paying just to get out of the store. Regards, John.
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
I congratulate you for standing your ground. I tried that and an explosive meltdown happened and I ended up paying just to get out of the store. Regards, John.
|Oh dear, I feel for you. We are at the stage where things are still negotiable, although I too will pay if I have to avoid a meltdown. I dread the inevitable day when I can no longer avoid really upsetting my mum. it will be if she has to go into a care home.
 

Starbuck1

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
4
0
|Oh dear, I feel for you. We are at the stage where things are still negotiable, although I too will pay if I have to avoid a meltdown. I dread the inevitable day when I can no longer avoid really upsetting my mum. it will be if she has to go into a care home.
My OH is quite gullible with salespeople on the phone. He thinks that they're friends who sell things - I'm talking about gold coins costing hundreds of pounds - and because they know my name and the name of the dog etc he trusts them. I've told him repeatedly that they have his details on their screen as they call so they don't actually know him. He has spent thousands of pounds on coins in the last year, paying with his debit card. They are items of value - although I suspect that they are overpriced. He says that coin collecting is his hobby - it has been for years actually - but he never even looks at them after they arrive. He uses his own money and the items he buys do have a value but I hate that he is being exploited by salesmen.
 

DeMartin

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
711
0
Kent
My OH is quite gullible with salespeople on the phone. He thinks that they're friends who sell things - I'm talking about gold coins costing hundreds of pounds - and because they know my name and the name of the dog etc he trusts them. I've told him repeatedly that they have his details on their screen as they call so they don't actually know him. He has spent thousands of pounds on coins in the last year, paying with his debit card. They are items of value - although I suspect that they are overpriced. He says that coin collecting is his hobby - it has been for years actually - but he never even looks at them after they arrive. He uses his own money and the items he buys do have a value but I hate that he is being exploited by salesmen.
You can prevent a credit and debit card being used to pay by phone. Note then destroy delete the three numbers next to the signature box.
 

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