Root of all evil

[woody298242]

Help please!
My wife is enduring a torrid time and we have raised the white flag.
My wife,s relationship with her parents is a distance one, after her dad started with memory loss her mum and sister asked to step in and help sort.
So, she contacted the doctor, memory clinic, got him diagnosed with dementia all tickerty boo!
Until, my wife looked into her mum and dads finances and guess what there little money, her mum says she spends it, although mum and dad have not been out of the house for years.
Although they have an income of £20K p/a little in the bank.
My wife and her brother put an financial action plan in place and told her mum to work to it, since then my wife has endured a torrid time from her mum and sister.
Every few days her sisters son is withdrawing £250 cash every few days and it looks like its being happening for years, tens of thousands of pounds gone!! wow
Wow!! fill your boots.
My wife and I are good/ helpful people, we contacted the police and social services, ss says my wife's mum has mental capacity and are happy with the situ, police are helpful but its looking like the same response.
Conclusion, although my wife has POE for her dad ,its really unattainable, her mum and sister have given her a torrid time, since find the monies gone/going!
Her dad,s pension is 65% of her mum/dad income.
Not a good conclusion, left us wounded really, guess that whats happens if you care!
Age concern supported us really well and said its time to let go!
Whats your thoughts!!
x

 

[Izzy]

Hello and welcome to Talking Point.

I'm sorry to read about your situation. It must be very worrying for you. I wondered if it would be useful for you to contact the Dementia Helpline -

This is the link which will give you some information and the opening times -

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20012/helpline

They are open today until 4pm and the phone number is 0300 222 11 22

 

[woody298242]

Hi Woody298242,
So sorry to hear you and your wife are having to deal with this situation.
My understanding is that your FIL has dementia (and has lost capacity?), he's still being cared for at home by your MIL and your wife is the sole attorney for your FIL's legal and financial affairs. I assume the POA has been registered.

I haven't experienced such a problem with finances but I am an attorney for my aunt and I know how stressful anything to do with dementia can be.

First thing would be for your wife to decide whether she wants to stop being an attorney. If so, there's a form to complete for the OPG. She shouldn't feel guilty if she does this - we all have to put our own health first.

If she decides to carry on, she can make an appointment with the bank and open a new account as Mrs Smith POA for Mr Jones. Then she can arrange for her father's pension and other benefits to be paid into the new account. She'll have to explain that she's getting no cooperation from the joint account holder (her mother) and doesn't want to discuss it. Then the balloon will go up! She'll need to be very strong to see it through.

Ta for advise!
xw

 

[woody298242]

Its a dreadful situ ta for all help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xw

 

[concerned4]

Help please!
My wife is enduring a torrid time and we have raised the white flag.
My wife,s relationship with her parents is a distance one, after her dad started with memory loss her mum and sister asked to step in and help sort.
So, she contacted the doctor, memory clinic, got him diagnosed with dementia all tickerty boo!
Until, my wife looked into her mum and dads finances and guess what there little money, her mum says she spends it, although mum and dad have not been out of the house for years.
Although they have an income of £20K p/a little in the bank.
My wife and her brother put an financial action plan in place and told her mum to work to it, since then my wife has endured a torrid time from her mum and sister.
Every few days her sisters son is withdrawing £250 cash every few days and it looks like its being happening for years, tens of thousands of pounds gone!! wow
Wow!! fill your boots.
My wife and I are good/ helpful people, we contacted the police and social services, ss says my wife's mum has mental capacity and are happy with the situ, police are helpful but its looking like the same response.
Conclusion, although my wife has POE for her dad ,its really unattainable, her mum and sister have given her a torrid time, since find the monies gone/going!
Her dad,s pension is 65% of her mum/dad income.
Not a good conclusion, left us wounded really, guess that whats happens if you care!
Age concern supported us really well and said its time to let go!
Whats your thoughts!!
x

Sorry to hear about this sadly in today's society it is all about greed, having been in a similar situation for the last 6 years at a high cost both emotionally & financially it is extremely difficult to let go when you know it is wrong & someone is taking advantage of the condition, having spent a considerable time asking the authorities to step in, they eventually did so, the thing now is proving whether the person has lost capacity & when that happened as this is crucial to proving wrongdoing. Hope you get things resolved satisfactorily.

 

[Pickles53]

I would be concerned that if your wife is aware of the current situation and takes no action to protect her dad’s finances she could be seen to be condoning the apparent ‘siphoning off’ of funds which might in future be needed for dad’s care. If the LA became involved in funding care (if father’s assets are below £23k) they would certainly be asking questions about deprivation of assets.

So if she wishes to continue acting as attorney I don’t think there is an option to do nothing. If a new account is set up for dad’s future income as suggested, he can still make a similar contribution to their legitimate joint household expenses but your wife would control how much and who is paid.