The change in Mum

[yak55]

So, Mum has been home with us since Friday and the change in her from before she went into the CH for almost nine weeks, to now is shocking.
The AD has progressed. She is often frightened and shaky, she is just 'not right', I don't know what I mean really, it's like I'm expecting Mum to die soon. Shocking to actually say it out loud but that's how I feel. Ten grand lighter and I feel the respite which was going to be permanent has done more harm than good. While she was there her lower legs and feet were really swollen but since she's been home they've gone back to normal. I wouldn't want Mum to go back there.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense but I hate this disease and hate how it's changed my Mum, I don't want to lose her but then again I don't want her to suffer anymore

 

[Amy in the US]

Yak, I'm sorry to hear this.

I wonder about getting your mother medically checked out, in case there is a infection lurking, or her electrolytes are out of balance, or she has a blood pressure issue, or a medication problem, or something like that. You are the person who knows her best and if you feel she is "not right," well, of course the dementia is a big part of that but best to make sure there isn't something else going on as well. If her medications were changed at all, then a medication review is a smart idea and it couldn't hurt to get her checked over. Swelling and fluid retention in the feet and legs makes me wonder about a circulation and/or cardiac issue. The latter especially, and/or a blood pressure issue, could make her shaky and not feeling "right."

I am so sorry the care home was not a good one and that it was such a distressing experience. I know that is not helping your frame of mind one bit.

As far as the ambivalence about not wanting to watch our loved ones/PWDs suffer, but also not wanting them not to be here, I absolutely, completely, 100% understand that. I feel the same way quite often and quite strongly. So please know you're not alone in that.

 

[Trapisha]

So, Mum has been home with us since Friday and the change in her from before she went into the CH for almost nine weeks, to now is shocking.
The AD has progressed. She is often frightened and shaky, she is just 'not right', I don't know what I mean really, it's like I'm expecting Mum to die soon. Shocking to actually say it out loud but that's how I feel. Ten grand lighter and I feel the respite which was going to be permanent has done more harm than good. While she was there her lower legs and feet were really swollen but since she's been home they've gone back to normal. I wouldn't want Mum to go back there.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense but I hate this disease and hate how it's changed my Mum, I don't want to lose her but then again I don't want her to suffer anymore

I am sorry to hear that yak55 but i do hate this disease too, and today i have felt really
upset at the thought of it all my mom was diagnosed with mixed dementia in november
but she hadn't been right four three years i was hoping that it was just normal ageing
but was fooling myself really.She is 87 and i know we all have to die but my mom was
my best friend and i know some people have this vile disease when they are so much
younger so i feel as though i shouldn't be complaining. My mom was my rock she always
made a situation better if i was worrying about something and i would feel better having
talked to her, but now she doesn't make conversation she just answers my questions
i thought i was getting stronger and able to deal with it but today i have been awful
crying a lot with no interest in anything. I am an only child so she and i were closer maybe
because of that. I have two boys grown up and left home now so don't see much of them
I can't stand
the thought of loosing her how am i going to cope i just don't know i am
already on anxiety meds. I take her for a coffee and shopping once a week and i try
and visit three times i only live round the corner we have carers in twice a day and i
know its going to get worse but i really am so frightened its affecting my everyday life
sorry for going on so much but i am so down at the moment just needed a moan.
I think your mom may improve being at home now it changes them when their routine
is upset and they seem to get worse for a time. xxx

 

[yak55]

Yak, I'm sorry to hear this.

I wonder about getting your mother medically checked out, in case there is a infection lurking, or her electrolytes are out of balance, or she has a blood pressure issue, or a medication problem, or something like that. You are the person who knows her best and if you feel she is "not right," well, of course the dementia is a big part of that but best to make sure there isn't something else going on as well. If her medications were changed at all, then a medication review is a smart idea and it couldn't hurt to get her checked over. Swelling and fluid retention in the feet and legs makes me wonder about a circulation and/or cardiac issue. The latter especially, and/or a blood pressure issue, could make her shaky and not feeling "right."

I am so sorry the care home was not a good one and that it was such a distressing experience. I know that is not helping your frame of mind one bit.

As far as the ambivalence about not wanting to watch our loved ones/PWDs suffer, but also not wanting them not to be here, I absolutely, completely, 100% understand that. I feel the same way quite often and quite strongly. So please know you're not alone in that.

Thank you Amy, I love that I can always count on you for good, sound advice Mum has recently had her antidepressant doubled and also her sleeping pill but since she has been home we've used it just once x

 

[yak55]

I am sorry to hear that yak55 but i do hate this disease too, and today i have felt really
upset at the thought of it all my mom was diagnosed with mixed dementia in november
but she hadn't been right four three years i was hoping that it was just normal ageing
but was fooling myself really.She is 87 and i know we all have to die but my mom was
my best friend and i know some people have this vile disease when they are so much
younger so i feel as though i shouldn't be complaining. My mom was my rock she always
made a situation better if i was worrying about something and i would feel better having
talked to her, but now she doesn't make conversation she just answers my questions
i thought i was getting stronger and able to deal with it but today i have been awful
crying a lot with no interest in anything. I am an only child so she and i were closer maybe
because of that. I have two boys grown up and left home now so don't see much of them
I can't stand
the thought of loosing her how am i going to cope i just don't know i am
already on anxiety meds. I take her for a coffee and shopping once a week and i try
and visit three times i only live round the corner we have carers in twice a day and i
know its going to get worse but i really am so frightened its affecting my everyday life
sorry for going on so much but i am so down at the moment just needed a moan.
I think your mom may improve being at home now it changes them when their routine
is upset and they seem to get worse for a time. xxx

Oh I feel for you Trapisha I really do as my mum means the same to me and I'm lost without the mum of old.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow and take care of yourself x

 

[Portia100874]

I am sorry to hear that yak55 but i do hate this disease too, and today i have felt really
upset at the thought of it all my mom was diagnosed with mixed dementia in november
but she hadn't been right four three years i was hoping that it was just normal ageing
but was fooling myself really.She is 87 and i know we all have to die but my mom was
my best friend and i know some people have this vile disease when they are so much
younger so i feel as though i shouldn't be complaining. My mom was my rock she always
made a situation better if i was worrying about something and i would feel better having
talked to her, but now she doesn't make conversation she just answers my questions
i thought i was getting stronger and able to deal with it but today i have been awful
crying a lot with no interest in anything. I am an only child so she and i were closer maybe
because of that. I have two boys grown up and left home now so don't see much of them
I can't stand
the thought of loosing her how am i going to cope i just don't know i am
already on anxiety meds. I take her for a coffee and shopping once a week and i try
and visit three times i only live round the corner we have carers in twice a day and i
know its going to get worse but i really am so frightened its affecting my everyday life
sorry for going on so much but i am so down at the moment just needed a moan.
I think your mom may improve being at home now it changes them when their routine
is upset and they seem to get worse for a time. xxx

 

[Trapisha]

Oh I feel for you Trapisha I really do as my mum means the same to me and I'm lost without the mum of old.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow and take care of yourself x

Thank you yak55 i hope you do too xxx

 

[yak55]

Thank you yak55 i hope you do too xxx

x

 

[spynage]

Care homes can be really ****. The swollen legs thing could be malnutrition. Low protein levels cause the swelling. Proper nutrition corrects it. Mum had it when she first became Ill and was living on her own.