The respite that wasn't very restful!!

[Whiskas]

Hi everybody I haven't posted for ages but I check in every day.

Two weeks ago Mum (lives with me, has dementia, 90 years old, wakes a lot in the night) went into respite to give me a much needed break. The next day she had a fall and broke her arm. She stayed in hospital a couple of nights then went back to finish the respite. A week later came a call from the home to tell me Mum has suspected DVT and had to go back into hospital. DVT was confirmed and she is still in hospital. She is not mobile and I can't manage her at home until she is more mobile and I have a better care package. Also I had already started looking at Care homes as I felt I was getting to the point when I would be unable to care for her. It was easy to look when it was only a possibility but much harder now it might become a reality.

I'm really sad tonight. When I went in to see her today she looked so tired and frail I just wanted to take her home but I can't.

I was worn out before this so called respite started I'm feeling quite a bit worse now

Love to all the carers out there. It helps to know I'm not on my own.

Cathyxx

 

[Skye]

Dear Cathy

What a sad story! Your respite was certainly not restful!

What do they say in hospital? Is your mum likely to regain her mobility?

I think you should ask for an appointment to talk to the consultant, and ask what the outlook is. At least you will know whether you're likely to be able to manage your mum at home, or whether permanent care will be necessary.

You also need to talk to the SW to find out what kind of package you would get.

It's a difficult decision to make, and you need to know all the facts before you make it.

Please let us know how your mum gets on.

Love,

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello:

How sad to hear your story. Have you been in touch with the Social Workers at the hospital. They are usually very good and I want to think you have much needed support with this.

They may help you along with NH care for your Mum.

Lots of Love Jan

 

[Whiskas]

Dear Hazel

Thanks for your reply. A good idea to speak to the Consultant. I'll try for that next week, everything has stopped for the Bank holiday of course.

We have a really good Care Manager (no chocolate tea pot for us!) but apparantly I will now have to deal with the Hospital Social work team so I don't know what they are like. However I have excellent support from the Senior Carer Support Worker at our local AS branch so she knows the system and will help with it all whatever I decide.

I'll keep you up to date with our story.

Love Cathy

 

[Whiskas]

Hello Jan

I haven't been in contact with hospital social workers yet as I understand they only become involved nearer to discharge and to be honest I feel like I've been hit by a bus and I'm not really thinking straight yet. Hopefully next week when I've had some much needed sleep I will be off to do battle for my Mum and get the best care for her whether it's me or a Care Home.

Love Cathy

 

[BeckyJan]

I more than understand your feelings (lack of sleep) - but please get in touch with SW sooner rather than later. You need lots of support and they 'may' just give it.

Love Jan

 

[Margarita]

The next day she had a fall and broke her arm

Sorry to read that your mother broke her arm, what a worry for you.

Is the hospital near you that your mother in ?

We have a really good Care Manager (no chocolate tea pot for us!) but apparantly I will now have to deal with the Hospital Social work team so I don't know what they are like.

They should always be a duty Emergency social worker , even on Bank holidays that you can Just talk to, report it to them so they can pass it on to someone after the Bank holiday.

Not sure where the Care manger come into it ,are they part of social services or the mental health team ?

As they must also have duty Emergency person you can talk to , to just inform them what happen with your mother , while in respite Care

 

[Helen33]

Hello Cathy

Some respite! I am so sorry your mum has a broken arm and now has a DVT. You must be absolutely exhausted. You are right about it being a bank holiday and I just hope you can make sure you get a bit of a holiday! Your mum's longer term care issues will still be there after the weekend and I'm sure both she and you would benefit more from a bit of a break.

Love and best wishes

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Cathy

I wondered what had happened to you. It`s good to see you back on TP but I wish it was under better circumstances.

All the care you`ve given your mother and she falls in respite care. Such a shame.

Try to get your breath back whilst she is in hospital.

Take care

Love xx

 

[Whiskas]

Thanks everybody for your replies this site is so lovely.

Margarita our Care Manager is what they call the social worker in our part of the world and he has been brilliant. The hospital is in the next town but fortunately a bus direct to the hospital runs past the end of my road and friends and family have been very good at giving me lifts

Jan I will get in touch with hospital social workers thanks for that.

Helen I will get some rest thanks.

Sylvia I've been lurking on TP all the while just not felt up to posting. How silly when this place is the best support you can get! I've written a piece in our AS branch newsletter on the benefits of TP but haven't been using it myself

Will see what today brings.

Love Cathy

 

[Grannie G]

Try to keep in touch Cathy, just for the support.

You don`t have to write an essay.

Love xx

 

[Whiskas]

Hello Sylvia

I will keep in touch as I do need the support. If I'd kept in touch with the slimming thread I wouldn't have put all the weight back on

Saw Mum today she's a bit calmer but still wanting to come home of course. My son came with me and he spoke to the nursing staff and it seems they are hoping for discharge next week. So we'll work on that!!

Fingers crossed I sleep tonight!

Love Cathyxx

 

[Grannie G]

If I'd kept in touch with the slimming thread I wouldn't have put all the weight back on

Oh Cathy that`s not always the case. I`m regularly in touch with the Slimming Thread and I don`t even have the courage to weigh in tomorrow.

Love xx

 

[Whiskas]

Oh Cathy that`s not always the case. I`m regularly in touch with the Slimming Thread and I don`t even have the courage to weigh in tomorrow.

Love xx

Well that makes me feel a bit better though I can't say I'm suprised with all you have been going through. I have been supporting you (and everybody) in my thoughts even if I haven't posted.

Love Cathyxx

 

[Margarita]

Fingers crossed I sleep tonight!

I hope you good restful sleep last night ?

Good to read that you have friends family that can give you a lift to the hospital & that your mother calmer .

 

[Whiskas]

Hi Margarita I sort of slept but I keep waking up. At least I don't have to get up and deal with anything just turn over and go back to sleep.

I'm having a day off tomorrow. Mum has a carer through direct payments and she is going to visit Mum tomorrow. She works for 6 hours a week normally to give me chance to go out as I can't really leave Mum on her own. So if I want to sleep all day I can!

Hopefully when I visit Mum on Tuesday the physio and OT might have been to see her.

Hope you and your Mum are ok.

Love Cathyxx