At the beginning of November I posted that I was very sad. Here I am again feeling totally down. Not had a good week. OH got a cold and so stuck in all week as very cold outside. Not easy spending all day with OH nowadays. That is when you really notice the difference in the person. Today his cold has got progressively worse and he is rasping badly. Not easy getting him to take medication and we are still struggling with the inhalers he has just been issued with as he has recently been diagnosed with asthma. I have got more and more irritable today and ended up saying he was ruining my life and I was so unhappy living with him. Again I now feel so guilty and ashamed of myself. What a terrible journey this is, not only are you battling Alzheimer's, but battling your own emotions. Feeling the loss of the person who was and not liking the person you are turning into. What is the answer? I find I cannot tell family and friends of my feelings, especially when people say you should consider yourself lucky you still have your husband, so I tell everyone I am ok. My sister phoned tonight after I had got OH dosed up and settled down but I did not answer her call as I was afraid I would burst into tears. I save those for myself. Thank goodness for you people out here, I can at least open up to you as you understand. Have made up the bed in the spare room as I thought I would be kept awake with him coughing all night but am sitting here thinking I should stay with him in case he is unwell and needs me. It's just like having a child again but my body is fighting it. Where is my lovely husband gone, I so want him back. Off to bed now, probably next to OH. Oh well hope for a better day tomorrow.
Feeling very sad today
- Thread starter Linda G
- Start date
Hi Linda G:
I totally understand where you are coming from, I feel the same way everyday. No need to feel guilty or ashamed, you've lost your other half as he was. When family & friends say you are lucky you still have your husband just respond NOT AS HE WAS or I DON'T HAVE MY HUSBAND TO HOLD ME. TO HUG ME, TO CARE FOR ME WHEN I AM SICK, TO HELP ME, TO WALK THROUGH LIFE WITH. I'm not trying to be unsensitive to others problems (I know everybody has their own problems) I'm just trying to be realistic & understanding to yours & ours..
Do you have any help? Can someone come in & sit with him for awhile. It's so important to take care of yourself, please have some ME time and try not to get sick.
Sending you many hugs. Hope the days get better for you.
@Linda G I wish my dad was how he used to be, not the confused absent minded man he is now. I could cry when I think how he was so dependable and capable of anything I asked of him. Now I feel that I am a parent looking after a childlike adult. This is such a cruel disease and I cannot expect anyone else to understand how it has robbed dad of his old age and me of my time. Hugs to you and hope things get better for you.
How guilty do I now feel. I checked my other half at midnight and although his breathing was rasping he seemed settled so I decided to sleep in the other room to get a nights sleep but left doors open so I could hear if he needed me. I awoke at 3.45 and could hear a funny noise so went to investigate. Found my other half on the floor rasping for breath. He was freezing. Don't know how long he had been there. Struggled to get him up and back into bed to warm him up. Called 111 whereby they assessed him and decided not life threatening so now am awaiting a call from a doctor for the next move. Just doesn't get any better.
I'm sorry you have had such a worrying episode. It's not easy, especially when you are dealing with things alone.
At least on the few occasions that my husband has ended up on the floor after going to bed I have had someone to help me get him back into bed and settled again.
I hope the doctor is able to come up with something that will help both of you and that you manage to catch up on sleep once things have settled a bit.
At least on the few occasions that my husband has ended up on the floor after going to bed I have had someone to help me get him back into bed and settled again.
I hope the doctor is able to come up with something that will help both of you and that you manage to catch up on sleep once things have settled a bit.
hi @Linda G
I hope you did have a call from the doctor and received some support
there are mats to place next to the bedto alert to the person getting out of bed/falls etc - conatct your Local Authority Adult Services and ask for an OT to check this out for you
just did an internet search - and this is an example
https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/household-aids/emergency-alarms-and-call-systems/
I hope you did have a call from the doctor and received some support
there are mats to place next to the bedto alert to the person getting out of bed/falls etc - conatct your Local Authority Adult Services and ask for an OT to check this out for you
just did an internet search - and this is an example
https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/household-aids/emergency-alarms-and-call-systems/
Thank you for the info. I will certainly look into this. Have not needed to think about this yet as have not encountered any problems with this so far. I think what caused this fall was his temperature was very high and he had no energy or strength. I eventually received a call from a doctor 2 hours after my initial call. By then he was sleeping and she said if I could wait two more hours and phone my GP surgery to get a doctor to come out. I did this and eventually doctor arrived after 2.00 pm. Only 10 hours after my initial call to 111. He has got a chest infection, throat infection, low blood pressure, and very high temperature. Poor love, no wonder he was in a state. Prescribed antibiotics so hopefully will soon be on the mend. Not sure what to do about sleeping tonight as he is still rasping badly which will be disturbing but afraid to leave him on his own. I only slept for three hours last night so need to sleep tonight.
So sorry to hear your situation, I feel the same ,not having the lovely lady I married 62years ago,just caring for her now. Feel shattered & tired most of the time but priviledged to be able to care. Thinking of you & wishing you well.
I am also in a similar position with my husband, who is gradually fading to this dreadful disease. I find that he is SO influenced by my mood, and therefore it is so difficult to be anything other than patient and cheerful, when internally I am screaming with frustration. I also feel guilty if I am irritable with him for the same reason, but as I say to my children, who live far away, I am not a saint, and am doing my best.
I agree, it is like minding a child again. He needs me every minute of the day, and feels panic if I am not around.
OH now on the mend, although he has this terrible cough. His blood sugar levels are also very low so now trying to get this problem sorted out. This is just the start of winter.
My patience is certainly being stretched. Am beginning to feel like an unpaid nurse. The day starts with checking his blood sugar levels and chasing him to take his medication. After making breakfast I ensure he takes his insulin followed by two inhalers (which he is still having difficulty with). He moans and grumbles all the time about taking this medication making me feel I am doing something awful. No gratitude for all my efforts. He was very rarely Ill until a few years ago and now he has diabetes, asthma and Alzheimer's. i have had to take on all the ordering, collecting and administration of all of this as well as learning about each illness. I have probably made the mistake of ending up doing it all and not keep pushing him to do it, but it was getting such hard work nagging and losing my patience, that I eventually took over.
Today I seem to be developing a sore throat. No sympathy for me. This was the man who if I was ill took over cooking, washing, cleaning and was very caring. Now he seems to be a selfish person only interested in his own problems. Should I have just encouraged him to keep helping, I found it easier to do it myself instead of keep nagging.
I am still trying to keep our hobbies going and most mornings we are going out (not this week though). I feel it important to keep him socially active and also I need to mix with other people, The drawback comes that I would spend my whole time chasing and nagging him to get ready and this is why I find it easier to just do everything myself. I really need to get him helping more as I feel he is getting selfish. I assume this is part of the illness because he was never like this before. Would appreciate any views on achieving this.
My patience is certainly being stretched. Am beginning to feel like an unpaid nurse. The day starts with checking his blood sugar levels and chasing him to take his medication. After making breakfast I ensure he takes his insulin followed by two inhalers (which he is still having difficulty with). He moans and grumbles all the time about taking this medication making me feel I am doing something awful. No gratitude for all my efforts. He was very rarely Ill until a few years ago and now he has diabetes, asthma and Alzheimer's. i have had to take on all the ordering, collecting and administration of all of this as well as learning about each illness. I have probably made the mistake of ending up doing it all and not keep pushing him to do it, but it was getting such hard work nagging and losing my patience, that I eventually took over.
Today I seem to be developing a sore throat. No sympathy for me. This was the man who if I was ill took over cooking, washing, cleaning and was very caring. Now he seems to be a selfish person only interested in his own problems. Should I have just encouraged him to keep helping, I found it easier to do it myself instead of keep nagging.
I am still trying to keep our hobbies going and most mornings we are going out (not this week though). I feel it important to keep him socially active and also I need to mix with other people, The drawback comes that I would spend my whole time chasing and nagging him to get ready and this is why I find it easier to just do everything myself. I really need to get him helping more as I feel he is getting selfish. I assume this is part of the illness because he was never like this before. Would appreciate any views on achieving this.
I’m sorry, I haven’t read your whole thread...just the latest post. I have exactly the same problem. It has been quicker and easier to do everything myself...and now it is such a burden. This morning though, I did get him to get his own clean clothes out of the cupboards for after his shower. He felt a bit sorry for himself, and it needed me to remind him what he needed, and I won’t have the patience to do it every day.
Our situation is a little odd, in that we each have kept our own house, even after marriage. His is ...well, full. It wa the family home for over 50years. Although I try not to interfere too much, I am sorting some things. So the piles and piles of socks are going...just leaving the ones he wears. Ditto pants. Done the shirts and trousers. I hope this means he will be able to get his own things...but I need to tell him to do it. Left to his own devices he would be in the same clothes all week.
He does very little in the kitchen now...but I do get home to make coffee sometimes. (Instant). It is never done without numerous questions...but it gets done. And last night, I was so tired, I asked him to clear the table and wash up. Haven’t seen the kitchen yet, so not sure how that went!
The being self centred seems to be common on every thread I have read. I don’t think there is an answer to that one, sadly.
Our situation is a little odd, in that we each have kept our own house, even after marriage. His is ...well, full. It wa the family home for over 50years. Although I try not to interfere too much, I am sorting some things. So the piles and piles of socks are going...just leaving the ones he wears. Ditto pants. Done the shirts and trousers. I hope this means he will be able to get his own things...but I need to tell him to do it. Left to his own devices he would be in the same clothes all week.
He does very little in the kitchen now...but I do get home to make coffee sometimes. (Instant). It is never done without numerous questions...but it gets done. And last night, I was so tired, I asked him to clear the table and wash up. Haven’t seen the kitchen yet, so not sure how that went!
The being self centred seems to be common on every thread I have read. I don’t think there is an answer to that one, sadly.
I am finding now my husband does not seem to be able to use the toilet properly he often misses the pan and im up several times at nihgt cleaning the floor then having to wash the bath mats. it does get me dowm when i phoned the mental health nurse as i was worried she said oh yes this does happen just get yourself some cheap bath mats. that was it.
i am the same my husband always looked after me if i was ill, however now i had trouble with my back a few weeks ago but my hubby didnt notice i was strugling to get about, but i had to get the dinner and cookt it and wash up, i dont think he noticed, i di feel so lonely and get fed up and tired having to do everything.
