Innovative ways to keep in contact?

[VOA]

Racking my brain to think of ways long distance close family members can maintain contact with Mum. Phone calls are now such a challenge for her we are wondering if it is fair to keep making them. She is bewildered by a disembodied voice on the line let alone actually speaking into the hand set.

Letters & cards aren't much better. If I hand her an unopened envelope she looks at it for ages, turning it over in her hands, & makes little or no attempt to open it. Once she's encouraged to do so she'll look at the note or card obviously not grasping what she's reading. So all in all not really a way to keep any meaningful contact going.

Relatives live such a long way away it isn't practical to visit often & as each month passes Mum's condition is getting progressively worse so naturally the fear is she'll simply forget who they are. I'm close & I get to see her every other day, she's in residential care. Obviously I keep mentioning close family who can't visit regularlly to keep memories as alive as possible. But just wondering if any of you kind people have any tips we may not have thought of.....

Even photos are a problem. Mum seems to have largely lost her depth perception (is this common?) & can't really make out photographic images. Plus of course, without movement & speech the image of a loved one is a bit meaningless - especially as in her world we are all around 40 years younger than we actually are!!

Any ideas or tips gratefully received. Many thanks.

 

[Lawson58]

Racking my brain to think of ways long distance close family members can maintain contact with Mum. Phone calls are now such a challenge for her we are wondering if it is fair to keep making them. She is bewildered by a disembodied voice on the line let alone actually speaking into the hand set.

Letters & cards aren't much better. If I hand her an unopened envelope she looks at it for ages, turning it over in her hands, & makes little or no attempt to open it. Once she's encouraged to do so she'll look at the note or card obviously not grasping what she's reading. So all in all not really a way to keep any meaningful contact going.

Relatives live such a long way away it isn't practical to visit often & as each month passes Mum's condition is getting progressively worse so naturally the fear is she'll simply forget who they are. I'm close & I get to see her every other day, she's in residential care. Obviously I keep mentioning close family who can't visit regularlly to keep memories as alive as possible. But just wondering if any of you kind people have any tips we may not have thought of.....

Even photos are a problem. Mum seems to have largely lost her depth perception (is this common?) & can't really make out photographic images. Plus of course, without movement & speech the image of a loved one is a bit meaningless - especially as in her world we are all around 40 years younger than we actually are!!

Any ideas or tips gratefully received. Many thanks.

My husband Skypes his brothers in UK and can still manage this on his own for the most part. If the occasional issue pops up then he gets very cranky with me and expects me to fix it somehow. You might need to be there to help but it might fill the gap for a while.

 

[VOA]

My husband Skypes his brothers in UK and can still manage this on his own for the most part. If the occasional issue pops up then he gets very cranky with me and expects me to fix it somehow. You might need to be there to help but it might fill the gap for a while.

Thanks for the idea but unfortunately Mum wasn't comfortable with technology pre-Alzheimer's & her condition status means she couldn't really do this. She can't even grasp the concept of TV any longer. When I visit Emmerdale is often on & the cast join in our conversation as she feels they are in the room too!!
Many thanks for taking the time & trouble to reply. It's good to know there are others out there when we are all doing our best to cope with this awful disease.

 

[Linbrusco]

What about different family members video a short message, and who they are, etc and send to you to put on a memory card. You can also scan in older photos.
If you get a cheap digital photo frame that plays a memory card, you can replay when you are there.
May or may not work...

 

[Hair Twiddler]

Hello @VOA,
I was there where you are when my mum's dementia took it's grip on memories of friends and relatives.
For a while photos and descriptions of events did bring people to life in our conversations, or so I thought at the time. I believe that in my mum's case she agreed and picked up on verbal and visual clues to please me and feel included. As time passed it became obvious that mum wasn't interested in talking about her sisters and brothers, she had forgotten all about them, even the fact that they had existed. I changed my conversations towards the "here and now" people who were in the same room or even our daft dog (who came to visit the care home and was a big hit with all of the residents)

You say,
"Mum's condition is getting progressively worse so naturally the fear is she'll simply forget who they are"
I know that is your fear and I totally understand and wholey sympathise but it is your fear. Your mum is not fearful. She loves your company and long may she. When her other relatives can visit they should do so but do prepare them to the possibility that they may not be recognised.

I do hope my slant on this has not upset you - not my intention. Just my observations from inside a similar situation.
Take care. Twiddler x.

 

[VOA]

What about different family members video a short message, and who they are, etc and send to you to put on a memory card. You can also scan in older photos.
If you get a cheap digital photo frame that plays a memory card, you can replay when you are there.
May or may not work...

Thanks for the idea. Strangely Mum seems reluctant to look at photos & it's almost as if she's struggling to make 3D sense out of a 2D image. could try her with a digital frame as the lighting makes the image clearer & gives it a bit of depth. Mind you goodness only knows how I'd keep track of a digital frame in the care home - I'm already in a version of 'Groundhog Day' regularlly searching for errant hearing aid & specs!!

Many thanks for your reply )

 

[VOA]

Hello @VOA,
I was there where you are when my mum's dementia took it's grip on memories of friends and relatives.
For a while photos and descriptions of events did bring people to life in our conversations, or so I thought at the time. I believe that in my mum's case she agreed and picked up on verbal and visual clues to please me and feel included. As time passed it became obvious that mum wasn't interested in talking about her sisters and brothers, she had forgotten all about them, even the fact that they had existed. I changed my conversations towards the "here and now" people who were in the same room or even our daft dog (who came to visit the care home and was a big hit with all of the residents)

You say,
"Mum's condition is getting progressively worse so naturally the fear is she'll simply forget who they are"
I know that is your fear and I totally understand and wholey sympathise but it is your fear. Your mum is not fearful. She loves your company and long may she. When her other relatives can visit they should do so but do prepare them to the possibility that they may not be recognised.

I do hope my slant on this has not upset you - not my intention. Just my observations from inside a similar situation.
Take care. Twiddler x.

Thanks so much, Twiddler. Your perspective helps a lot & makes a great deal of sense to me. It sounds like your experience is very similar to ours but I gather from your wording you are somewhat further down the road.

Mum was the 7th of 8 siblings, all of whom are sadly gone but the lovely thing is her conversation is all about seeing & talking to them - especially her much beloved brother P. They are utterly 'real' to her which is so lovely.

None of what she talks about is in any way current, to the extent she always asks after her own mum & wants to know if she's still working hard, eating well etc. (my Granny would be 130 by now!).

Mum's wonderful little dog now lives with us & dutifully accompanies me on each visit fully prepared to perch on her lap for however long. To Mum he's now a sort of amalgum of every dog she ever had but he brings her so much joy thankfully.

Think I've got a pretty good handle on things (famous last words) it's just this issue of it being impractical for other very close relatives being able to see or contact Mum often enough to remain current to her. Trying to spare their feelings as much as anything although obviously they understand the situation as well as I do.

 

[mancmum]

Father uses skype. In his memory the person he has skype was actually in the room with him. He can't do it himself I do it or a staff member has helped. He has an i-pad to do it on using care home wifi signal. I bought a cover which is made of an expanded foam which is about half an inch thick and goes all around the i-pad. It also stands about half an inch forward of the screen. I glued name tapes onto the case with a glue gun which seems to have worked so far.

We are able to use postcards and these are good because they give continued pleasure. They are in fact very short stories. So father can read them again and again and he likes the fact that someone has sent them to him.

 

[Amethyst59]

We use face time successfully...I mean, I have to set it up and terminate the conversation...but it works well. It might be worth trying?

 

[VOA]

Father uses skype. In his memory the person he has skype was actually in the room with him. He can't do it himself I do it or a staff member has helped. He has an i-pad to do it on using care home wifi signal. I bought a cover which is made of an expanded foam which is about half an inch thick and goes all around the i-pad. It also stands about half an inch forward of the screen. I glued name tapes onto the case with a glue gun which seems to have worked so far.

We are able to use postcards and these are good because they give continued pleasure. They are in fact very short stories. So father can read them again and again and he likes the fact that someone has sent them to him.

Thanks for your input. I'm rather 'old school' when it comes to things like skype but it's obvious I need to find out more about it. It hadn't occured to me it would be like being in the room with a person so therefore more of a connection than the disembodied voice from a phone.

 

[VOA]

We use face time successfully...I mean, I have to set it up and terminate the conversation...but it works well. It might be worth trying?

Certainly going to find out more about how it works & give it a try. Thanks for taking the time to reply.