I am thinking of moving my mum from her care home in South Wales, to one near me in Brighton. In mum's current home most the staff are kind. The management fairly open. The staff are trained to take care of people with dementia but the training is minimal and they really struggle. They have to do 12 hour shifts, are tired, sit around watching TV, nattering with each other in the corridor while all the residents are together in living room. They seem very task orientated which they do sensitively, but they are not able to proactively engage with the residents. Activities are rare and when they happen, are often inappropriate. If I was sitting around all day locked into a small space I think I might get extremely agitated as my mother does. She tries to leave and has complete meltdowns when she discovers she is locked in. Some care home, like Butterfly certified ones, are great for good, respectful and proactive engagement with residents. There aren't any Butterfly accredited ones in Brighton. Does anybody know any other certification systems, or national systems that represent high standards in person-centred care. I want to get a shortlist of homes together to go and look at, but I have no idea of how to choose homes to go on the shortlist. I find sales information on websites is often a bit misleading.
How to find a good home with really good person-centred care (within 30 minutes from Brighton)!
- Thread starter Juliasdementiablog
- Start date
When I looked at homes for my husband two negatives jumped out at me. One was the smell of urine and the second was that staff stood around talking to each other. My husband would have hated both. He is very clean and sociable and would have felt alienated.
We then visited a large care home run by a charity for veterans. Fewer veterans nowadays means they draw clients from a wider demographic. The difference was startling. Clean, bright, cheerful, friendly. Loads of activities by specialised staff and regular volunteers. John has had two spells of respite with them and they have proved to me that good care homes do exist. Plenty of staff who are well trained is the answer.
We then visited a large care home run by a charity for veterans. Fewer veterans nowadays means they draw clients from a wider demographic. The difference was startling. Clean, bright, cheerful, friendly. Loads of activities by specialised staff and regular volunteers. John has had two spells of respite with them and they have proved to me that good care homes do exist. Plenty of staff who are well trained is the answer.
Yes, I agree with you about trained staff. Where my mother is right now, the staff are trained, they are attentive and warm, the home is well-situated, and nicely designed. However, the staff are not given adequate training in person-centred care. They have no idea how to engage with residents when they are upset, or how to avoid them getting upset. How to keep them engaged in meaningful activities relevant to them. Dementia is distressing enough, I believe all staff should be given adequate training to provide the best possible care.
Hi, is Crawley too far?
Mum is in a charity care home in Ifield.
No complaints. Mum has been a resident for almost 6 weeks.
Good luck in finding one that suits.
Last edited by a moderator:
Crawley is not too far. Can you share the name. I think non-profit, or small family owned, is probably the way to go. Thanks for sharing, and hopefully your mother continues to settle in.
hi @Juliasdementiablog
just to mention that sharing the name of a care home on the forum is against TP T&Cs - maybe try an internet search
or try this site
https://www.carehome.co.uk/
just to mention that sharing the name of a care home on the forum is against TP T&Cs - maybe try an internet search
or try this site
https://www.carehome.co.uk/
Hi, I am new here. This afternoon I went for support, and a good weep, at my mother's large care home in Brighton. I received a very sympathetic ear and advice, including pointing me in the direction of this site. I saw a manager who is also a trained dementia nurse and is readily available.
What do I think of the care home? Well, nowhere is perfect but they do seem to do their best. My mother has been there nearly three years, first in residential before her long overdue diagnosis of mixed dementia. She then went into hospital with kidney failure and it was thought she would not pull through. She was discharged at my request to the nursing unit of the same care home for what we thought would be end of life care. That was in May 2016. She has remained in nursing care although her needs are now minimal. She is 94, I am 70.
The home has a dedicated dementia floor with over 30 rooms. These people seem to get more stimulation in the form of activities but some of them are younger and quite fit. There are many other people living with dementia throughout the home who have the opportunity to engage in activities - some do and others aren't interested.
You say that your mother is in care in South Wales. I wonder if she is in the care of the same group? Do you want her nearer you for the sake of her care or convenience of visiting her? I visited my mother every day for the first year, then alternate days since then. I do it out of perceived duty and I am ashamed to say that I have reached the stage that I wish I didn't have to visit ever again. I feel my own life is running away like the sand in an egg timer.
What do I think of the care home? Well, nowhere is perfect but they do seem to do their best. My mother has been there nearly three years, first in residential before her long overdue diagnosis of mixed dementia. She then went into hospital with kidney failure and it was thought she would not pull through. She was discharged at my request to the nursing unit of the same care home for what we thought would be end of life care. That was in May 2016. She has remained in nursing care although her needs are now minimal. She is 94, I am 70.
The home has a dedicated dementia floor with over 30 rooms. These people seem to get more stimulation in the form of activities but some of them are younger and quite fit. There are many other people living with dementia throughout the home who have the opportunity to engage in activities - some do and others aren't interested.
You say that your mother is in care in South Wales. I wonder if she is in the care of the same group? Do you want her nearer you for the sake of her care or convenience of visiting her? I visited my mother every day for the first year, then alternate days since then. I do it out of perceived duty and I am ashamed to say that I have reached the stage that I wish I didn't have to visit ever again. I feel my own life is running away like the sand in an egg timer.
Dear DespairingDiana Thank you so much for your response. Don't be ashamed to say that you visit out of duty and that you would like not to visit. Given that is how you feel, it is an amazing act of generosity that you persist in visiting.
I don't think the care home my mum is in is in the same chain as your mums. It is part of a very small chain. I want my mother in Brighton, because right now I am living in South Wales, away from my husband, home and friends, in order to visit my mother regularly. Also since I lost my job it limits what I can do for work living in South Wales. I hoped to keep mum in South Wales as that is where she is from, though she lived many years in Hong Kong, and her church and friends are there, as well as my sister. The home my mum is in is very good in many ways but they don't do specialised, individually tailored care to meet the needs of their residents. The staff who are all very kind, just don't have the necessary training to understand dementia let alone dementia care. My mother often thinks she has been imprisoned for something she has done when she discovers she can't get out, which distresses her deeply. Every time she finds she is locked in she gets very distressed. If I was to move her I would want to know how the home identifies the needs of the residents, and how they manage to avert or reduce distress. I'm aware of other homes that have strategies such as this one: One woman wants to leave the care home at around 3pm everyday to collect the children. The staff help her get ready to leave, and by the time she has her shoes, coat and bag on, she has forgotten what she first wanted to do. Staff then ask her if she wants a cup of tea, and the potential distress has been averted.
My sister isn't able to visit my mother, and would be happy for me to bring my mother back to Brighton.
Could you reduce your visits and do something together with your mum that you enjoy doing? It might mean that when you do visit you enjoy it more.
My apologies for only just replying to your reply! I had gone away to hide as it were and was not aware that you had replied until I came back online today.
As it happens I have reduced my visits but I am not sure it helps me that much as my head is still full of "caring". I visit with my husband and we help my mother to do the crossword - it ends up as a game of charades, but it keeps her occupied on something other than having a go at me!
The home she is in sounds like the sort of place you are looking for. It is a large home with a dedicated dementia floor where there are men and women of various ages. They get lots of stimulation and activities. I have witnessed distraction techniques such as you suggest.
My mother is in the nursing section on another floor and is bedridden. She is also antisocial and expects us to keep her entertained. There are activities she could be involved in but she emphatically refuses unless we are also involved. The Lifestyles team keep visiting her to tempt her out of her room without success.
I would say it is a very good home most of the time. It does not come cheap though.
I believe that it is against the rules to mention names, so is there a way we can make contact so that I can give you more details? If you want them, that is!
Thanks so much DespairingDiana. So helpful. I have seen your message through my blog. and will respond directly to you there.
