My mum’s going to the care home tomorrow!
- Thread starter Kikki21
- Start date
Sometimes it is so uncanny isn’t it that the issues are so similar! Although I’m sure you wouldn’t want my other problems now!
Hi Kikki, a little bit of practical help - I buy my mum's tights from Cosyfeet. They stock extra roomy and in a petite fit.
I know exactly how you feel about your mum and the care home as so many others on the forum do too. It doesn't make the roller coaster of emotions any better but there is some comfort that we are all here to support each other and we totally understand xxx
The forum is a good support tool. BTW love the kitty in your picture
Aww thank you - that is THE Kikki cat - she is 15 & loves a good cuddle!
Thank you @YorkshireLass i will look them up, it is a bit of a battle trying to find stuff for my mum. She used to have shoes made for her by the NHS but I haven’t a clue if they offer that service anymore. Her feet are really swollen.
I hope my mum will continue to settle in the care home. I will feel a lot better when we find somewhere to live closer to her as at the moment that isn’t the case which is causing me stress. Xxx
Thank you for your kind thoughts @gene genie at a time of sadness for you, it is much appreciated. I hope you are as ok as you can be X
Yes is the simple answer.. My mum went in to care 2 days ago. I feel awful as it'
Solely my decision as don'[ have siblings with being adopted. Mums dementia has progressed rapidly and options narrow as support packages where she was living was not enough. I had to finish work last September to further support mum. I've done everything possible to avoid a care home but eventually it all become extremely stressful. Its the most diificult and worse decision ill ever make but its for the best. Let the carers do ghe caring and we can spend quality time with our parents that we love dearly.QUOTE="smartieplum, post: 1514439, member: 45550"]My mum has moved today to her permanent care home. She was in hospital then intermediate care for a few weeks. She was fine in the first home but I went in to put her things in her room and she was so agitated. I can't tell you how upset I am with this. I was fine until today. I feel I've let her down. I have to tell her white lies when leaving her and hate that. I feel so sad. She does have bad dementia but I feel she's not half as bad as some of the other residents. I know it will take time for us all to settle down but I feel I've let her down. I would have her home if I could. Anyone else have this type of experience.[/QUOTE]
My mum moved into a care home about six months ago, after day care at the same place. It is very hard, but just wanted to say that she has been very happy there, though she has had a set back after an emergency operation. We didntcsay that it would be forever, and reinforced that myself and my Dad would always visit regularly. Even after her decline in hospital, she wad glad to go back to the care home and has never talked about her old home.
My mother passed away 5years ago now, in her 80s. We moved her into a home a few months before she died. It was th best thing for her, she liked the company (even tho family visited her several times a day)it was not the same. She settled really well and was well liked. Unfortunately she had a fall which broke her hip and she did not recover, but I am certain that if this didn’t happen she would still be alive today. She had had dementia a fe w years and even tho we turned off the gas, so she couldn’t cook, put key safe on outside of house, etc it was her smoking which caused the most worry as she would nod off to sleep with cigarette in hand. It was extremely difficult decision to put her into the home and we ran from the home the day we took her in. The home told us to not visit for a few days and as it was snow came down and that prevented us visiting. When we did we found her really settled and we knew she was safe and had done the right thing. We felt we had done for her what she had done for us all her life - keep her safe.
They most certainly are & the antics of my two keep me amused a lot of the time!
And that’s why my mum had to go into a care home to keep her safe. I had no idea her toileting had become so extreme & she is up day & night with it all. That increases her risk of falling & if she was at home & fell then she wouldn’t be able to get back up.
Hi, I've no idea what the NHS do anymore to be honest! Not sure if this website is any use to you but they do very wide fitting shoes and also ones that are stretchy fabric in a traditional shoe style. The ones I buy my mum open widely for ease of putting on. They are quite expensive but they last. The slippers are really good too. My mum only wears slippers now and the ones from Widerfit have really substantial soles which keep her feet stable when walking. Kikki it's really hard to deal with the move into care and it does help if you are nearer. I go to see my mum everyday but if she is fast asleep I stay a short while and go home. On other visits I'm there a couple of hours. The relatively short distance let's me do this. Hope you get sorted soon xx
At the moment the care home visit would take us 30 mins to get there & then our visit followed by 30 mins to get back - if we move to the area then it will take us 5 minutes! That’s a big difference to us. When she was at the large hospital we visited nearly every single day - i’ve lost a lot of time & become very frazzled with all the stress.
Yeah my mum’s feet are swollen, wide fitting relatively speaking & small - she is a child’s size 12 ish! Xx
Well that's nearly a week. My sister went up today and said mum looked very content. I visited yesterday and the carers said she had beaten them at dominoes twice. She never played dominoes before! My brother also said she looked happier. Her appetite is good. She has a Tyler the Tiger and loves it. If you're looking for something to keep your mum happy, I'd thoroughly recommend it. Now if I could only lose the awful guilt. I want her content. She has a lot of her own wee things around her. Anything she needs, we'll get it for her. I'm going up tomorrow and bringing the cat.
Hi Kikki21, I think the other residents might also prove something of a challenge at Dad's home. One gentleman shouts out, one lady frequently gets teary and another is quite bossy and always summoning me over to tell me some tale or other about what is missing (no water or tea, apparently, the other day...) and what is not right at the home! Dad is very quiet and is probably bemused by it all. However, he was quite engaged and chatty (for him) again yesterday, which is definitely a marked improvement from when he was in hospital, at which point I thought he'd withdrawn from us all forever. My mum is like yours - she has dementia, too, but sits there rolling her eyes at me at some of the other residents' comments. I keep telling her not to worry and that they are just a bit confused - she has no idea that so is she!
PS Your circumstances sound identical to mine - frazzled by all the hospital visiting and stress and now with a 30-minute drive to Dad's home (or 25 minutes to Mum's and a further 20 minutes from there, if I'm taking her). Still, I am just relieved to have moved up from London last September, or this would all have been completely unmanageable!
I can relate. Mum is very pleasant. The staff seem happy with her but the other residents seem really bad and I fear they will bring get down more quickly than she would if she was still home. There is one wee horrible woman who keeps coming into her room and distressing her.
