Oh dear
You really do have my sympathy, it does seem like many of us have these problems.
From my own experience I have honestly found that walking away is a life saver. Quite often what I say under my breath is unrepeatable - but it is my release - my way of getting it off my chest without inflaming the situation further.
My OH just does not listen. There are only two words he ever wants to hear and those are 'Yes Tom' - there are no other legitimate answers to any of his questions. I think this condition is very 'self centered' - they are the only people in their universe but I suppose that given the way in which the disease affects the brain then we should not be surprised...hurt yes, but not surprised.
The obsessions are what get me down.....for the last two years he has been totally obsessed about the dish cloth...yep you read it right. The dish cloth! Not sure if I am unique but when I bake, cook etc I use a damp cloth to wipe down the surfaces, however if in the middle of this activity he approaches the sink and the dish cloth has not been rung out to within an inch of it's life - folded up and placed carefully to the left side (I am serious here - stop laughing) - then I get lectured & I mean, lectured. I have now got to the stage where I leave the dishcloth perfectly dry and folded on the left side of the sink and use a wet paper towel - which I dispose of in the fire......things we do to 'keep the peace'.
I suppose the only thing I don't get is bad language, yes I am made to feel like the village idiot, yes everything I do is wrong, yes I am apparently fat and ugly (nice) but I don't have the added insult of foul language. However, my father who up to 3 years ago never said Boo to a Goose, swore, never argued, never hit anyone, never even got a parking ticket became a violent aggressive who, every time I entered his room told me in no uncertain terms to "F" off!
My father has Alzheimer's and after 74 years of marriage to my mother (not counting the 4 years they went out before getting married) he no longer knows who she is - the last time she visited he introduced her "to his wife" - another resident of the Nursing Home! I am 70 and my father does not know me...all very sad.
I sometimes feel that I could now write a dissertation on what it is like to be 'between a rock and a hard place'. I have returned to my hobbies over the last number of years so that I can, even for a few moments each day, lose myself in something other than 'his dementia' and that is great.
I am sorry for the OH that we can't spend more time together enjoying each other's company, but that is not going to happen any more.....so as wives, partners, carer's we just have to get on with our own lives as much as we can....self preservation and good sense because if the carer is ill, out of sorts, tired...then the job we didn't ask for, didn't expect but got landed with...just because....becomes all the more difficult.
Enjoy your daughter's company, enjoy the grandchildren, go out for a coffee with a friend....in the house, plug in your ear phones even just for a few minutes, listening to a relaxing /uplifting tune can help.
Finally, how did you feel when you wrote down how you felt....I started a 'diary' a good few years ago. It is on the computer, and when I am low, fed up, annoyed or whatever, I bash the keyboard and 'get it off my chest' that way.
Love and support
Mx
You really do have my sympathy, it does seem like many of us have these problems.
From my own experience I have honestly found that walking away is a life saver. Quite often what I say under my breath is unrepeatable - but it is my release - my way of getting it off my chest without inflaming the situation further.
My OH just does not listen. There are only two words he ever wants to hear and those are 'Yes Tom' - there are no other legitimate answers to any of his questions. I think this condition is very 'self centered' - they are the only people in their universe but I suppose that given the way in which the disease affects the brain then we should not be surprised...hurt yes, but not surprised.
The obsessions are what get me down.....for the last two years he has been totally obsessed about the dish cloth...yep you read it right. The dish cloth! Not sure if I am unique but when I bake, cook etc I use a damp cloth to wipe down the surfaces, however if in the middle of this activity he approaches the sink and the dish cloth has not been rung out to within an inch of it's life - folded up and placed carefully to the left side (I am serious here - stop laughing) - then I get lectured & I mean, lectured. I have now got to the stage where I leave the dishcloth perfectly dry and folded on the left side of the sink and use a wet paper towel - which I dispose of in the fire......things we do to 'keep the peace'.
I suppose the only thing I don't get is bad language, yes I am made to feel like the village idiot, yes everything I do is wrong, yes I am apparently fat and ugly (nice) but I don't have the added insult of foul language. However, my father who up to 3 years ago never said Boo to a Goose, swore, never argued, never hit anyone, never even got a parking ticket became a violent aggressive who, every time I entered his room told me in no uncertain terms to "F" off!
My father has Alzheimer's and after 74 years of marriage to my mother (not counting the 4 years they went out before getting married) he no longer knows who she is - the last time she visited he introduced her "to his wife" - another resident of the Nursing Home! I am 70 and my father does not know me...all very sad.
I sometimes feel that I could now write a dissertation on what it is like to be 'between a rock and a hard place'. I have returned to my hobbies over the last number of years so that I can, even for a few moments each day, lose myself in something other than 'his dementia' and that is great.
I am sorry for the OH that we can't spend more time together enjoying each other's company, but that is not going to happen any more.....so as wives, partners, carer's we just have to get on with our own lives as much as we can....self preservation and good sense because if the carer is ill, out of sorts, tired...then the job we didn't ask for, didn't expect but got landed with...just because....becomes all the more difficult.
Enjoy your daughter's company, enjoy the grandchildren, go out for a coffee with a friend....in the house, plug in your ear phones even just for a few minutes, listening to a relaxing /uplifting tune can help.
Finally, how did you feel when you wrote down how you felt....I started a 'diary' a good few years ago. It is on the computer, and when I am low, fed up, annoyed or whatever, I bash the keyboard and 'get it off my chest' that way.
Love and support
Mx
