Care Home search begins....

[Kikki21]

So we have started looking at care homes for my mum, we went to visit the one where one of my friend’s works in admin. Our welcome was not great ( my friend wasn’t there) first of all it was hard to find & when we got there the deputy manager tried to put us off by saying well you couldn’t have come at a worse time!

Not a great start at all but she did show us round a bit & a carer then took over. We just weren’t impressed at all. There seemed plenty of staff on duty & they all seemed to be ok. There was a lot of wandering around but it didn’t seem at all restful. The vibe was all off.
We saw the rooms & most were small, the largest room didn’t have a great view & none of them were ensuite which we feel would be important for my mum.

Plus they have a lot of vacancies. Mmm.

We pulled up outside another care home & it immediately looked better. We rang to get in but no one answered & it is one of those that asks you to ring for an appointment. I know everyone says just turn up but it appears a lot of them round here DON’T want you to do that.

 

[Helly11]

Hi Kikki21, we are just starting this process, but need to do it quickly, as Dad is in hospital, but needs to come out as soon as possible into a care home. The hospital put us on to an organisation called CHS Healthcare who research local care homes with places available and give families a shortlist to visit - we only made contact with them today, so I can't vouch for how good they are, but the service is free, so may be worth checking out? I note you are in the East Midlands - I am in Derby and we are looking for somewhere in the Lichfield/Tamworth/Burton area, so we may be able to help each other?

 

[SnowWhite]

I was in the same position last summer and viewed 14 in a couple of weeks. I turned up unannounced at all and they all allowed me in except one. One wouldnt let me over the threshold when I said Mum had recently been diagnosed with alzheimers “shes not for us then.” Lovely!!

i would say go with your gut feeling. If you feel theyre unfriendly (as you said) then walk away. i went to several that stunk of wee and walked away. try and speak to some residents if possible.

 

[Kikki21]

Hi Kikki21, we are just starting this process, but need to do it quickly, as Dad is in hospital, but needs to come out as soon as possible into a care home. The hospital put us on to an organisation called CHS Healthcare who research local care homes with places available and give families a shortlist to visit - we only made contact with them today, so I can't vouch for how good they are, but the service is free, so may be worth checking out? I note you are in the East Midlands - I am in Derby and we are looking for somewhere in the Lichfield/Tamworth/Burton area, so we may be able to help each other?

Hi @Helly11 we are in the same situation with my mum. She is in an assessment hospital unit & she will need to move ASAP. I might give that organisation a ring. We are looking at South Notts areas so south of the City & Rushcliffe. We will be moving back to this area or trying to asap but it is proving difficult. We currently live in Long Eaton so not far from you.
I won’t put my mum in the first care home for sure!

 

[canary]

You are right to go with the vibes. Your mum needs somewhere homely and caring, though I wouldnt worry too much about the decor and views - I dont think the residents are too worried about that. I would agree, though, that an ensuite is important.
One thing that I always recommend is to ask the manager what behaviour they would not be able to cope with. Many homes say they are dementia specialists, but faced with common dementia symptoms like resistance to personal care and wandering they will ask you to find somewhere else.

 

[Amy in the US]

Kikki, I'm glad to see your update. I haven't been reading or posting as much lately, but have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing.

Care home shopping is no fun.

I agree to go with your gut instinct, but also want to warn you to try not to be too influenced by things that might bother you, but that will not matter to your mum.

Given the toileting issues, I agree an en suite is better for her. I can't imagine how she would cope otherwise.

Try not to be put off by the small rooms. I also struggled with this and it took time for me to understand and accept that the smaller room was actually better for my mother. Even knowing this, the move from her assisted living apartment to her room in the memory care ward, was hard for me because the room is much smaller. Again, I had to accept that she needed this. She never complained and I'm not sure she notices. And this care home is good about getting the residents into the common areas for the better part of the day, so she mostly just sleeps/rests in her room. I know it's a shock, especially coming from her home, but it's really okay.

Anywhere which does not welcome you, and doesn't greet you warmly, isn't giving a good first impression.

Ask what they cannot deal with, as well as what they can do.

Try to observe staff interactions with residents. The most important thing about any care home, is the care that the staff provide. If they are kind and caring, that is a lot more important than how updated the decor is. I know the staff at my mother's care home genuinely care for my mother and I trust them.

I hope you are able to find the right place. Sending hugs and good wishes. Please keep us posted when you can, and hang in there!!

 

[Witzend]

Good luck - we've been through this twice. Both times found the one that felt right only after a lot of looking.,

I too would discount any that ask you to make an appt. just for an initial look around. Another thing I'd say - try not to be influenced by Homes and Gradens decor - from experience it's there to impress relatives who are choosing. Cosy and homely - even if a mite shabby round the edges - is much more important esp. for anyone with dementia.
And the general atmosphere - something you can only feel.
Worst I ever experienced - where a non dementia aunt of Dh's had put herself for a month while her cleaning lady/helper was away, had v nice decor, sea views, etc - but the staff all looked surly and miserable, and the atmosphere was very unwelcoming. The aunt hated it and couldn't wait to get home. She had a 'thing' about feeling hungry between meals, and once put a bread roll from lunch in her bag, in case. Staff treated her like a naughty schoolgirl and from then on would search her bag!! It's not as if the place was at the cheaper end, either.

 

[Pickles53]

@Kikki21 I live in Rushcliffe and my mum was in a care home a couple of years ago in this area so happy to offer suggestions. Please send me a message if that would help. At the time we were looking, Notts County Council had a good directory of care homes on their website which included their own quality ratings as well as CQC. I found that a good starting point and helped narrow down a shortlist for visits.

My mum was 100% self-funding though I’m not sure that’s the same for you?

 

[SnowWhite]

Good luck - we've been through this twice. Both times found the one that felt right only after a lot of looking.,

I too would discount any that ask you to make an appt. just for an initial look around. Another thing I'd say - try not to be influenced by Homes and Gradens decor - from experience it's there to impress relatives who are choosing. Cosy and homely - even if a mite shabby round the edges - is much more important esp. for anyone with dementia.
And the general atmosphere - something you can only feel.
Worst I ever experienced - where a non dementia aunt of Dh's had put herself for a month while her cleaning lady/helper was away, had v nice decor, sea views, etc - but the staff all looked surly and miserable, and the atmosphere was very unwelcoming. The aunt hated it and couldn't wait to get home. She had a 'thing' about feeling hungry between meals, and once put a bread roll from lunch in her bag, in case. Staff treated her like a naughty schoolgirl and from then on would search her bag!! It's not as if the place was at the cheaper end, either.

That sounds just like where my Mum was. It was spotlessly clean but I soon realised they spent more time cleaning than they did on caring. They put no importance on socialising with the residents or encouraging them to interact with each other. they just dumped them in the TV room and left them. They also treated my Mum like a child and if she said she wanted to have a meal in her own room they told her she wasnt sociable!

I would also say dont pay too much attention to the grounds. Some places are set in lovely, large grounds but the residents never get to use them.

 

[Georgina63]

Hi @Kikki21, not an enviable task, but there's some great advice already given above I had a big list of questions to ask when I went looking (a couple of years ago) but I think one of the most important was to do with the staff and how long they have been there. Where my parents are, there is a strong management team and a core of kind and caring staff who have been working there for several years. When you find somewhere you like, maybe visit unannounced at different times to get a feel for what it's like at various times of the day. As others have said, I think you get a feel for a place almost instantly (like looking around any potential new home), and if something feels wrong, then it quite possibly is! Gx

 

[Witzend]

I do agree with asking about staff turnover. Worth asking some of them individually, rather than asking management, IMO
Quite a few of the staff who were there when my mother entered her care home, were still there when she died nearly 8 years later.
They were generally very kind and caring. There was only ever one I didn't quite take to - who frankly I thought was in the wrong job. There was never anything I could actually complain of, though.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I looked at 16 for dad with his needs in mind on how a layout of a building would give him freedom to walk and how caring the staff seemed..I thought there would be a lot of choice even self funding but gradually I had to widen my area and have to be honest soon realised depressingly that actually there were not many that would take dad's moderate stage so apart from the usual like looking at the CQC reports...how the staff interacted with residents and each other...finding out how they would handle dad's challenges and strategies they would use and if his needs medical or mentally increased could they take him to end of life....did they see the person first dementia second....I wasn't fussy about decor etc it was more that although a dementia care home stated just that in reality when you view some only wanted early or non challenging..
Dad was a pacer night time walker and resistant to personal care. Easy independent access to his bedroom because he couldn't coherently make himself understood and quiet lounge areas so layout was important although obviously as he declined an suite and layout became irrelevant .I always went unannounced avoiding lunchtimes. Didn't look at 2 that insisted on appointments. I never minded being kept waiting ..listening and watching you can pick up quite a lot. He had assessments at 2 secure dementia homes which had said that they could handle his challenges ...looking for a way out as a frail elderly gent and pacing..but he was turned down...actually I was really upset at time as I was getting desperate
But it was clear they didn't offer the dementia expertise they claimed. 1 NH had the dementia residents down in the basement of a large manor house like something from the dark ages...no interaction from staff...segregated from the early dementia residents in lovely wall pannelled communal rooms when I asked the dementia residents were only bought up to mix a couple of times a year! At least she was honest I suppose. I knew within 5 mins of waiting to be seen I had seen enough to know that wasn't a good place for dad and wad so bothered I contacted CQC. The NH I chose and bearing in mind no one home offers everything to everyone offered dad most of what was important with a couple of compromises. All the staff from manager carers activities coordinator nurses housekeeping made eye contact and spoke with me ...couldn't take dad as he couldn't be part of the decision and we would not have got there...staff were engaged with residents and smiling. A resident was agitated in the lounge and staff quickly came to reassure and I passed a room where behind closed doors an obviously agitated resident was being spoken to kindly by a carer. The main thing I found is go with your gut instinct taking all your criteria for your mum into account you will probably not go far wrong. My criteria for dad...kind caring staff to keep him safe and looked after to end of life and that was achieved

 

[Kikki21]

Thank you all for replying.
I have to say the staff we encountered at the first care home all seemed lovely & seemed good with the residents but the atmosphere was really off & my other half felt it too. It probably didn’t help that it was lashing down with rain either so it felt very depressing.
The lounges were not spacious or roomy though & it just didn’t feel right.

We are bound by location for our businesses & the matter of looking after my mum’s house. So we have to move closer to everything & that means by mum’s care home should be close by too. Houses to rent are few & far between at the moment. Although I have just seen one & enquired about it.

Also what will they do with my mum in the assessment unit. I know they want to discharge her soon but how long will it take to find a suitable care home?

 

[Helly11]

Hi @Helly11 we are in the same situation with my mum. She is in an assessment hospital unit & she will need to move ASAP. I might give that organisation a ring. We are looking at South Notts areas so south of the City & Rushcliffe. We will be moving back to this area or trying to asap but it is proving difficult. We currently live in Long Eaton so not far from you.
I won’t put my mum in the first care home for sure!

Hi Kikki21, I'm not sure if they cover that area, but I believe there are similar organisations in other parts of the country, so you probably have the equivalent in your area.

 

[Helly11]

Thank you all for replying.
I have to say the staff we encountered at the first care home all seemed lovely & seemed good with the residents but the atmosphere was really off & my other half felt it too. It probably didn’t help that it was lashing down with rain either so it felt very depressing.
The lounges were not spacious or roomy though & it just didn’t feel right.

We are bound by location for our businesses & the matter of looking after my mum’s house. So we have to move closer to everything & that means by mum’s care home should be close by too. Houses to rent are few & far between at the moment. Although I have just seen one & enquired about it.

Also what will they do with my mum in the assessment unit. I know they want to discharge her soon but how long will it take to find a suitable care home?

Hi again, Kikki21, I had an 'interesting' chat with the ward sister today, who told me about the 'bigwigs' breathing down their neck to move patients on - I assured her I would fight any bigwigs trying to pressurise us into a hasty decision. To which she replied that I would lose! For goodness' sake, my sister and I need time for a place(s) to be found, for us to view the options on offer - around our work etc (we can't just bail out at a moment's notice) - and then to review contracts etc. Originally they wanted to try to discharge Dad this Friday coming! We are pushing back, but it is all such a battle. This may prove to be an interim placement until we find something better, but I don't want Dad somewhere dreadful for even an hour.

 

[Amy in the US]

Kikki, you raise a good point and I meant to comment on it. Yes, you want a care home in as convenient a location to you as possible. It has made a huge difference in my life, having my mother 15 minutes away instead of 100 miles. You are definitely on the right track there.

When my mother was sectioned, the hospital initially told me to take all the time I needed to find a care home. A few days later they changed their tune and started telling me "as soon as possible" and "48 hours" and so on. To be fair, this wasn't the nurses or doctors, it was the flaky social worker. I firmly today them I would do it as fast as I could, but I had to find the right place and they were not to pressure me or give me a deadline, and the social worker backed off at that point. Don't be afraid to ask for help or to stand your ground to get your mum what she needs.

 

[Juliasdementiablog]

Hi Kikki 21 and Helly11 I agree with what Canary and Amy have said. I would add, I think this is the most important decision you have to make for the welfare and wellbeing of your loved one. So please don't be rushed into it. Most care homes in the UK are inadequate, however good they appear to be, if they don't have really good staff training and support systems that enable staff to implement best practice in dementia care, including understanding dementia (it takes a while for all of us to really understand the cognitive impairment faced by different people with different dementias) best communication skills (so as to support and not undermine the person with dementia) and great engagement abilities / skills (to meaningfully engage person with dementia in activities that feel purposeful and fun, in ways that don't undermine confidence). It's complicated.... My mum's home is amazing, staff are caring, good view out of window (which does matter to my mum) and open attitude of management to working with families. But staff don't have adequate training to support my mum's wellbeing. It's not their fault - they are exceptional people who are committed to looking after my mum the best way they can. It makes them distressed, when my mum is distressed.

 

[Kikki21]

Hi Kikki 21 and Helly11 I agree with what Canary and Amy have said. I would add, I think this is the most important decision you have to make for the welfare and wellbeing of your loved one. So please don't be rushed into it. Most care homes in the UK are inadequate, however good they appear to be, if they don't have really good staff training and support systems that enable staff to implement best practice in dementia care, including understanding dementia (it takes a while for all of us to really understand the cognitive impairment faced by different people with different dementias) best communication skills (so as to support and not undermine the person with dementia) and great engagement abilities / skills (to meaningfully engage person with dementia in activities that feel purposeful and fun, in ways that don't undermine confidence). It's complicated.... My mum's home is amazing, staff are caring, good view out of window (which does matter to my mum) and open attitude of management to working with families. But staff don't have adequate training to support my mum's wellbeing. It's not their fault - they are exceptional people who are committed to looking after my mum the best way they can. It makes them distressed, when my mum is distressed.

Thank you @Juliasdementiablog & I can tell you if they try to rush the process they will get short thrift!
We are having to fit a lot in at the moment so we may not get to see as many care homes as we would like over the next few days plus working as well which staff in these places seem to fail to realise that most people can’t just drop everything!

 

[canary]

Re the view and other amenities - yes if its important to them, go for it, but so often we look for things that we think will be important to the resident, when actually its not.

When mum went into her care home it was for 6 weeks reablement/assessment following a TIA, so she was put in the smallest room overlooking the car park. I was told that if she came there permanently then when a larger room at the back that had a nice view over the garden and fields beyond it became available then she could move in there. I went and looked at the rooms at the back and fell in love with the views and the spaciousness of the rooms, but when mum stayed in the care home and a room became available she didnt want to move. She liked her small cosy room and she particularly liked the view over the car park as she could watch all the comings and goings.

It was a lesson to me that what I thought would be important to her, actually wasnt.

 

[Scriv]

We are going through the same thing at the moment with the hospital and SWs pressurising us to accept the first offer of a CH (which we are not happy with ) and discharge my pwd fast. Sect 2 ends on Friday.
We have found a different one which is suitable, but we will have to wait a week to know if we have a place there, so I guess we will be fighting to stop them kicking him out before he is suitably placed.
I do empathise.. it is all so wearing