17 years old, parent was diognosed with early onset nearly 3 years ago

[Em17]

Hello, i have just joined and was thinking of starting a thread as my dad was diognosed with early onset when i was nearly 15. As he has had it for nearly 3 years im seeing him getting worse with each passing day. As a young adult studying science i understand why he acts the way he does, but am still confused and tend to get frightened when he does act out. I have never met anyone my age who has a parent with alzheimers, my brother who is 15 has been going on this journey with me which has been terrifying. The most unerving thing that has been put on me is lasting power of attorney, my mum and i will both be sharing it. This process will begin once i have turned 18 at the end of the year.

 

[DeMartin]

Hi @Em 17, so sorry to hear about your family problems. Other people will come along to help, I know that you are approaching 18, and then will be a legal adult, child line, despite the title offers support and a listening ear to people up to 19 years. Google them or call them on 0800 1111.
I hope they can offer you support.

 

[nellbelles]

Hi Em
It must be very difficult for you all, I admire you stepping up for POA.
I’m glad your studies give you insight into your dads illness but I’m sure nothing can prepare you for the emotional roller coaster that dementia causes for the whole family
Please keep posting I hope we can help you and your family while you support your Dad at this difficult time.

 

[Em17]

Hi @Em 17, so sorry to hear about your family problems. Other people will come along to help, I know that you are approaching 18, and then will be a legal adult, child line, despite the title offers support and a listening ear to people up to 19 years. Google them or call them on 0800 1111.
I hope they can offer you support.

Thank you ill be sure to contact them!

 

[Em17]

Hi Em
It must be very difficult for you all, I admire you stepping up for POA.
I’m glad your studies give you insight into your dads illness but I’m sure nothing can prepare you for the emotional roller coaster that dementia causes for the whole family
Please keep posting I hope we can help you and your family while you support your Dad at this difficult time.

Hello, thank you for your comment, im really starting to like this forum as ive never spoken to anyone outside my immediate family who are going through the same thing, so i think ill definatly keep postinng.

 

[Izzy]

Hi @Em17 and welcome to TP.

I'm glad you're finding the forum useful. I wondered if you'd also find this useful -

https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/looking-after-yourself/young-carers/

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @Em17

Don't worry about the power of attorney. I have put my daughter on my dad's POA but only as a back up incase anything has to be decided in an emergency and I'm not there. Talk to your mum I expect her intention is to carry on doing everything herself and your name is down incase you need to be able to access their finances etc if she can't.

I don't expect my daughter to do anything. She's just an extra safeguard.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry that you are having to go through this at such a young age
I dont have any words of wisdom, but wishing you strength for things to come
xx

 

[Oasis2]

Hello, i have just joined and was thinking of starting a thread as my dad was diognosed with early onset when i was nearly 15. As he has had it for nearly 3 years im seeing him getting worse with each passing day. As a young adult studying science i understand why he acts the way he does, but am still confused and tend to get frightened when he does act out. I have never met anyone my age who has a parent with alzheimers, my brother who is 15 has been going on this journey with me which has been terrifying. The most unerving thing that has been put on me is lasting power of attorney, my mum and i will both be sharing it. This process will begin once i have turned 18 at the end of the year.

HI Em@17, I've recently just joined this forum to, I wish I'd of found it before hand, I can't imagine how you must feel, My mom was diagonised with dementia when I was 27. I'm finding my journey more difficult as times going on I'm 35 this year. My only advice to you would be don't bottle your feelings up, like I tend to do. It won't help you, hence so pleased I've now found this forum. Don't forget that your 17, don't put your life on hold, be you and cherish every memory and don't be afraid to be upset or even angry.
Take care xxx

 

[Em17]

Hi @Em17
Thank you for the link, i havnt gone through properly yet, but from having a quick look through this looks very helpful!

 

[Em17]

Hi @Em17

Don't worry about the power of attorney. I have put my daughter on my dad's POA but only as a back up incase anything has to be decided in an emergency and I'm not there. Talk to your mum I expect her intention is to carry on doing everything herself and your name is down incase you need to be able to access their finances etc if she can't.

I don't expect my daughter to do anything. She's just an extra safeguard.

My mum herself can become really unwell, she has fibromyalgia and lupus, i know she wants to be the one to do everything but i know that high levels off stress can do some damage. I find that im worrying about my mum becoming really unwell and then myself having to take the roll on. Discisions may not need to be made for a couple of years down the line, i think that as i have a lack of knowledge on what would happen if i do have to decide on something in an emergancy, that it freaks me out. Thank you for your comment.

 

[DeMartin]

This forum is always open, need to vent at 2am? Someone in America, Canada Australia will be awake. Even in the UK there are night owls.

 

[Em17]

HI Em@17, I've recently just joined this forum to, I wish I'd of found it before hand, I can't imagine how you must feel, My mom was diagonised with dementia when I was 27. I'm finding my journey more difficult as times going on I'm 35 this year. My only advice to you would be don't bottle your feelings up, like I tend to do. It won't help you, hence so pleased I've now found this forum. Don't forget that your 17, don't put your life on hold, be you and cherish every memory and don't be afraid to be upset or even angry.
Take care xxx

Thank you so much for your lovely comment! In all honesty i was stuck on what to do, as my friends dont understand and i hate having to randomly bring things up. When the diognosis was given to my dad when i was 14 i struggled to inform anyone. It wasnt until i was 16 that we lost our home due to my dad having to leave his well payed job, school were then informed and it all came out. I struggle a lot with approaching people about my worries, but now that ive found this forum, im glad i can now share things and talk with those going through the same situation. I hope you and your family are well.

 

[Em17]

This forum is always open, need to vent at 2am? Someone in America, Canada Australia will be awake. Even in the UK there are night owls.

This is what i love about this forum, people from all over the workd connecting and supporting one another with concerns and feelings. I feel much better already and i only signed up yesterday!

 

[Em17]

Im so sorry that you are having to go through this at such a young age
I dont have any words of wisdom, but wishing you strength for things to come
xx

Thank you for your lovely comment! I do find it difficult as many dont understand, especially if i come into school one day being happy and the next day quiet and seemingly distanst and upset. I have had people tell me that they dont like it when i come in for the day and become distant, which sometimes annoys me as even though i have explained they lack understanding and start acting weird with me.

 

[canary]

My mum herself can become really unwell, she has fibromyalgia and lupus, i know she wants to be the one to do everything but i know that high levels off stress can do some damage. I find that im worrying about my mum becoming really unwell and then myself having to take the roll on. Discisions may not need to be made for a couple of years down the line, i think that as i have a lack of knowledge on what would happen if i do have to decide on something in an emergancy, that it freaks me out. Thank you for your comment.

One of the nice things about TP is that if you did find yourself in that situation (and you may never) you can always post the dilemma on here and ask everyone what they would do. You would probably get replies from people who have been through the same thing.
Dont worry about it.
xx

 

[DeMartin]

This is what i love about this forum, people from all over the workd connecting and supporting one another with concerns and feelings. I feel much better already and i only signed up yesterday!

Do you belong to guides/rangers, any external activities? It’s always good to have an external support group, and it can come from many activities, many of us oldies love to help and support youngsters. We lurk in choirs, knitting groups, charity shops. We offer an ear and a lifetime of experience.

 

[Em17]

One of the nice things about TP is that if you did find yourself in that situation (and you may never) you can always post the dilemma on here and ask everyone what they would do. You would probably get replies from people who have been through the same thing.
Dont worry about it.
xx

Thank you, im glad that i know i can post on here being open and honest and have helpful advice x

 

[Em17]

Do you belong to guides/rangers, any external activities? It’s always good to have an external support group, and it can come from many activities, many of us oldies love to help and support youngsters. We lurk in choirs, knitting groups, charity shops. We offer an ear and a lifetime of experience.

Sadly no, as i havnt long started 6th form i havnt really had a huge amount of time to go out and join groups. I did used to go horse riding which i did for 12 years then stopped to get my head down for gcses, i had the intention of going back but as i lost my home and my dad had to go on benefits, we cant afford lessons. It was something that i always looked forward to. I have attended a post diognostics support group which was 7 sessions long, that did give me a huge amount of knowledge. Unfortunatly, my subjects are time consuming and mean i have to do a tonne of revision to keep up. I have found that i have to work twice as hard as everyone else in my classes as i sometimes am unable to concentrate and absorb all information given to me, purely because i think of other things and i get unbelievably stressed.

 

[Oasis2]

Thank you so much for your lovely comment! In all honesty i was stuck on what to do, as my friends dont understand and i hate having to randomly bring things up. When the diognosis was given to my dad when i was 14 i struggled to inform anyone. It wasnt until i was 16 that we lost our home due to my dad having to leave his well payed job, school were then informed and it all came out. I struggle a lot with approaching people about my worries, but now that ive found this forum, im glad i can now share things and talk with those going through the same situation. I hope you and your family are well.

Your situation makes me think so much about mine and I have my terrible days where I just want to cry and hate the world, but my heart honestly goes out to you and your family, you are so young to be dealing with this. I have two young boys which most of the time keep my mind off things, but its always there in the back of my mind. Like I said before don't forget your a teenager you need to be living your life being you, your Dad wouldn't want you missing out. It is hard when it comes to people understanding, I think people still look at dementia being an old person's thing, and people who have never been affected by it, are quite ignorant to it, they just think its people getting confused. Theres so many different aspects to this disease and everyone copes so differently. No way is right or wrong we are all human and deal with things differently.
Hope your all doing ok.
Take care of yourself xx