Lonely now as my husband finds it hard to make conversation and can go hours without speaking unless I speak to him. Forgets anything I tell him within 10 minutes. He was such a clever man, all gone now
Lonely
- Thread starter Brookfield
- Start date
Hello @Brookfield, welcome to TP. You will find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.
Life as a carer can become lonely so it's important to try to keep hobbies etc., going. Do you attend anything like a Memory Café with your husband? If so could you either join in or maybe leave him there while you do something for an hour.
There is always TP as no matter what the time of day/night there will often be someone around to interact with you.
Take a good look around the site and maybe consider starting your own thread about daily life with dementia. A few such threads exist and you may soon build a group of virtual friends.
Life as a carer can become lonely so it's important to try to keep hobbies etc., going. Do you attend anything like a Memory Café with your husband? If so could you either join in or maybe leave him there while you do something for an hour.
There is always TP as no matter what the time of day/night there will often be someone around to interact with you.
Take a good look around the site and maybe consider starting your own thread about daily life with dementia. A few such threads exist and you may soon build a group of virtual friends.
Hi brookfield..i hope you find this site invaluable as i have..my mum end stage dementia and i too was feeling lonely and afriad and over whelming saddest..but i joined this site 4 weeks ago and can honestly say it been amazing for me there is always some one on..and our all going though this horrifying journey..so you are not alone..i hope you all the best and hugs.xxx
@Brookfield @Baby Bunty I have every sympathy for you as I am experiencing a similar situation with my husband no longer the man he was even 6 months ago. He has deteriorated quickly although he can still function enough in familiar places. I have had to adjust a lot and the forums help to give advice, let off steam and know that you are not completely alone if you can chat online.
Hi Grahamdtown..so glad this forum has helped..i know my situation is completely different..as its mum..and still go home to my supportive husband..i really feel for you both off you as you watch your husband being inflicted by this cruel disease. Hope you both have family support. .thinking off you both.xxx
Hello Brookfield, I know exactly how you feel. I do try and go to my craft group once a week, it's quite often the only real conversation I have, but it keeps me sane. If you don't belong to a group look in your local library to see what's available. You need that time out for your own wellbeing.
Dementia is a lonely and cruel disease. It's my mum who has it but she was my rock and best friend and as I'm divorced helped bring up my kids. I've only just found this place but it helps during the night when I pine for her or need to know I'm
Not alone, there are also support groups which I might try
Not alone, there are also support groups which I might try
Welcome to TP, Brookfield. My OH is not quite as bad as that, but that feeling of never having anyone to talk to properly is so hard to deal with. Sorry you're left isolated.
I think it's great that others on the thread have their craft groups, I have yoga, carers groups (www.carers.org) which are invaluable, and ramblers. All of these are sporadic and dependent on OH being able to be left, but if you can find something it is well worth it.
Hi Brookfield, I am in the same situation, my Oh has little speech and has just started to forget who I am. Groups are great but he can't be left and TP is good. I have 2 hours a week off at the moment when I get hair done etc but I really miss the company. We did everything together and I miss him so much for his funniness and caring. I'm trying to find a new hobby which will stimulate me at home but havent found it yet but have read quite a lot of books!!!
Hugs
Hi @Brookfield ,
I am alone, too.
OH moved to his house in the country twelve years ago when he retired. I moved to his house three years and a half ago, when I retired, too.
We have been together for 17 years and married since 2009.
We had never lived in the same home before I retired. Holidays and weekends are different.
Everyday routine is much worse, above all since he has had dementia.
When I first joined TP , someone wrote that dementia is a test of our relationships. Well, it scored very poorly.
My problem is not living alone far from my home town, my son , my friends..
My problem is living in isolation with him.
If I were completely alone ( with my three dogs ), I could cope much better.
Instead, here I am, under house arrest.
No freedom, I can't leave him alone for more than few hours when I am lucky.
On most occasions he wants to go with me.
No conversation. He doesn't often understand what I say. It is not his fault, I know, but it frequently happens I open my mouth to say something and close it without uttering a word, because I realize it is useless.
I have also to be careful to avoid him getting angry when I say something which he regularly misunderstands.
Hope your relationship was good before your OH's dementia.
Good memories help to cope.
I am alone, too.
OH moved to his house in the country twelve years ago when he retired. I moved to his house three years and a half ago, when I retired, too.
We have been together for 17 years and married since 2009.
We had never lived in the same home before I retired. Holidays and weekends are different.
Everyday routine is much worse, above all since he has had dementia.
When I first joined TP , someone wrote that dementia is a test of our relationships. Well, it scored very poorly.
My problem is not living alone far from my home town, my son , my friends..
My problem is living in isolation with him.
If I were completely alone ( with my three dogs ), I could cope much better.
Instead, here I am, under house arrest.
No freedom, I can't leave him alone for more than few hours when I am lucky.
On most occasions he wants to go with me.
No conversation. He doesn't often understand what I say. It is not his fault, I know, but it frequently happens I open my mouth to say something and close it without uttering a word, because I realize it is useless.
I have also to be careful to avoid him getting angry when I say something which he regularly misunderstands.
Hope your relationship was good before your OH's dementia.
Good memories help to cope.
Hi Brookfield, I know how it feels not to be able to have a conversation.My OH
always could make me laugh and cheer me up if i was feeling down.How i wish we
could have that time back again.Thinking of you
always could make me laugh and cheer me up if i was feeling down.How i wish we
could have that time back again.Thinking of you
Hello Wishful, thank you for your support. I joined an aqua aerobic group last year and have made some lovely friends. I am also learning to play golf. Although I leave my husband at these times I am not sure how much longer I can continue as am constantly worried about him, there has been quite a big dip in the last few weeks.
Hello Rosie4u. We are the same age. My husband is quite a bit older than myself. He is still able to go out on the bus every day on his own. He loves to shop, fruit mainly - so much of it! And chocolate. I have to throw the fruit out and give away the chocolate. I worry about the timer when he can't remember the bus home. It happened once and a person drove him home after getting on the wrong bus. It was after he went to a local football match - he hasn't been since.Hi Brookfield, I am in the same situation, my Oh has little speech and has just started to forget who I am. Groups are great but he can't be left and TP is good. I have 2 hours a week off at the moment when I get hair done etc but I really miss the company. We did everything together and I miss him so much for his funniness and caring. I'm trying to find a new hobby which will stimulate me at home but havent found it yet but have read quite a lot of books!!!
Hugs
Hi Margherita:
I just finished reading your post that you wrote in reply to Brookfield's "Lonely" thread and I really, really feel for you. Dementia is a hard enough illness to cope with but when you feel isolated and alone as well it's 10 times more difficult. My parents were from a town in Northern Italy and when we went to visit it seemed like there was not too much to do except eat, drink & visit. Hope you find a hobby or craft that will make the time pass quicker. I am fortunate that I live in a big city where there is always something to do and most things are within walking distance.
I must commend you on the fact that you think before you talk and avoid getting him angry. I wish I could be more that way, maybe one day I will learn, I tend to talk first and think later which causes many unnecessary arguments. My husband doesn't seem to understand either and it causes much frustration.
Hope you find a nice craft or hobby that will keep your mind occupied. It seems the warmer weather is around the corner and the flowers will be in full bloom.
Hi @dancer12 ,Hi Margherita:
I just finished reading your post that you wrote in reply to Brookfield's "Lonely" thread and I really, really feel for you. Dementia is a hard enough illness to cope with but when you feel isolated and alone as well it's 10 times more difficult. My parents were from a town in Northern Italy and when we went to visit it seemed like there was not too much to do except eat, drink & visit. Hope you find a hobby or craft that will make the time pass quicker. I am fortunate that I live in a big city where there is always something to do and most things are within walking distance.
I must commend you on the fact that you think before you talk and avoid getting him angry. I wish I could be more that way, maybe one day I will learn, I tend to talk first and think later which causes many unnecessary arguments. My husband doesn't seem to understand either and it causes much frustration.
Hope you find a nice craft or hobby that will keep your mind occupied. It seems the warmer weather is around the corner and the flowers will be in full bloom.
I was born in Genova, but lived in Milan (where I still have my home) from 1979 to 2014. Now I live in the country near Acqui Terme, in Southern Piedmont. Lovely area, called Langhe...hills covered in vineyards and woods.
When I avoid unnecessary arguments, it is not out of wisdom, but out of a disheartening sense of being powerless. It is frustrating to know OH won't understand what I say or, should he understand, he won't remember .
That's why I seldom have arguments
I am in exactly the same position and can sympathise with everyone.in the last 3 years all my interests have fallen away due to not being able to leave my husband safely and he wants my company all the time.he depends on me to make sense of everthing. It certainly does sort your friends out ! Life has become incredibly slow, restictive and isolated. I have begun to find pleasure in the smallest of things, a nice bar of soap, a good book , a piece of music , flowers brought in. I'm trying to understand his world now and get in it.but I feel I'm losing mine.I too carve 2 expensive hours out a week but as I cant go out for long other groups are not possible also how much time is left anyway to be together.my husband is 11 years older than me I feel my last decades are now being prescribed for me and it's hard not to feel cheated. Just wanted to express sympathy and say you are not alone.
My husband is 14 years older than me.
What makes me angry and resentful is that he does not recognize my sacrifice and, as a consequence, he is not in the least grateful. He thinks I am doing my duty, only.
I'm afraid this is quite an unrealistic expectation @margherita
I doubt many of us are/were shown gratitude .
My husband thought I was controlling him and trying to take away his independence and it was very hard to take when I was breaking my back trying to do the best for him.
It`s only here on TP people understand.
I do agree, it is never going to happen. It is the nature of the illness. My husband was a giver, not a taker. He was a kind, considerate man and a natural carer. I was bewildered when he became self absorbed, thoughtless, selfish and his natural empathy disappeared. I also initially took it personally.
Again I agree. On top of everything else concerning dementia, it is very hard. I do not know what the answer is to dealing with this aspect of dementia. Or even if there is an answer. Somehow or other we find our individual ways of living with it. Struggling with it.
Once again I agree - it is only here on TP that people truly understand the countless challenges
that dementia throws at us.
Loo xxx