phoning ambulances !

bert

Registered User
Jul 9, 2008
39
0
birmingham
hi there all. ive been off work for quite a few weeks with my 78 year old dad who has got dementia, im 34. a morning carer has been calling every morning for the last week (this took quite a while to set up)and theyre going to encourage my dad to wash himself. hes sleeping in his clothes and wearing them the following day, im fed up of it. hes been letting the carer in every day so hopefully they'll build a rapport with him and he'll let them assist with washing.
however, i was in bed early the other morning when 2 paramedics walked into my bedroom!! because i wasnt up my dad thought i was seriously ill or dying and got a neighbour across the road to phone an ambulance. i explained the situation but they asked would i have my blood pressure and heart, etc, tested as procedure, which i did.
early yesterday morning, another neighbour was calling my name up the stairs as my dad was concerned about my health again! myself and my girlfriend went downstairs and told her what happened with the paramedics a few days before. ive been to see all the neighbours to tell them im in good health and be dubious if my dad wants an ambulance for me.
i can see the funny side of it even if it wasnt at the time!
it seems hes paranoid about me being ill. is this unusual?

thanks

bert:)
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Morning Bert,

My husband worries when I go out..if I'm not back when he thinks I should be he becomes agitated and fretful..

If I nod off in the chair he wakes me up to see if I'm ok..

So we have an element of what you're experiencing...but not at the same level.

Your dad probably realises how dependent he is on you and becomes anxious about losing you..

I think it's called "Seperation Anxiety"...similar to that of a child who loses sight of a parent..


I'm not sure, in your case, what you can do about it..

Perhaps someone else will have a bright idea...



And it may be that this is a phase and will pass.


Love gigi xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Hello Bert

I`m also in a similar position although my husband wouldn`t know how to phone an ambulance.

He doesn`t like to be alone in a room in the house even if he knows I am in another room.
If I`m ill, he will wake me to ask if I`m OK or want a cup of tea.

If I go out he either stands at the window and looks for me or stands at the gate looking for me.

Recently he came out looking for me, meeting me on my return. This is worrying as I could walk home in a different direction.

Now your neighbours know, you should be all right.

Good luck with the carers.

Love xx
 

Nebiroth

Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
3,510
0
It's by no means uncommon for someone with dementia to develop an obssession with some bizarre or incomprehensible worry (my dad's latest is that the man who lives opposite us is moving to Salisbury and we owe him money). In your case it seems to be linked with the classic "Separation Anxiety" which, as has been said, is just like the fear of becoming detached from a parent a small child experiences... because they instinctively know they are totally dependent on that parent and would be helpless without them.

The only thing you can do is exactly what you have done, which is to tell all the neighbours to take any tales of your illnesses with a pinch of salt .
 

citybythesea

Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
632
0
57
coast of texas
Bert

No, it is not. Mom is gone now, but the first few years of her living with me had some very familiar moments. I can only say that eventually it does wain and a new phase starts. MOm was always concerned with me in general and after I moved her in with us she was concerned that she was ruining my relationship with my other half. I spent my time telling her not to worry...as did Jack on a few occassions. (Very thoughtful of him considering they didn't get along when she was well)

I can say that I would be willing to bet that over time you will become a type of "security blanket" for him...if you already haven't. From what I've seen and heard this can be nerve racking, but at the same time it puts you in more control than the average carer has over his or her patient. I hope things get better for you.

HUGS

Nancy
 

citybythesea

Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
632
0
57
coast of texas
...forgot to add

..with mom after I initially realized that I was her security blanket I took on the role of parent. When she would get up looking for me i would get back up and "put her to bed" and tell her that it was time for bed and I would see her in the morning.

When mom did her small bit on wandering I had a gate attached at the top of the stairs...with a latch that she could not open. Mind you tho' that my mother was never left alone in the house without another competant person. Those exceptions made were done after she was asleep and I would be at the neighbors with a monitor in my hand (You can find some really good ones with ranges that can accomodate.) I know it's hard. My suggestion would be to look at this as if he were now your child. Don't treat him like that....not now and if you have to be very polite and round about it. Sometimes in later stages it can end up with you having to do just that and it is better to keep the relationship adult for him as long as possible.



HUGS

Nancy
 

bert

Registered User
Jul 9, 2008
39
0
birmingham
thanks for all the replies. the comments about separation anxiety sound spot on. we're fortunate to have great neighbours so things could be worse. ive since been told 2 ambulances turned up! by the way, my dad has been letting the carers into the house and allowed one of them to shower him so things are looking up

bert x

:)
 

Chrissyan

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
570
0
65
N E England
I left my 14 year old son with my Dad for two days last October to go to a family wedding at the other end of the country. A neighbour stopped my Dad phoning the police to say my son had been abducted on the Monday morning when he had gone to school before my Dad got up.:eek: An another occasion someone visiting an elderly neighbour over the road during the day couldn't get an answer. They asked my Dad if he knew where she might be, he called the police to break in.:eek: She was, as per usual,out & about on her mobility scooter.:rolleyes:
Hopefully this phase with your dad will pass.

Good news about your dad's shower, can I borrow them to come & do my dad.:D
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
0
london
I’ve never experience anything like that with my mother, worrying that I am ill, but mum does do it with my middle daughter.

Oh mum has me ringing her up left right centre, as mum thinks something going to happen to her.

My middle daughter has not live with us for the 2 years & this worry with my daughter has just happen out of the blue.

My middle daughter finds this behavior very surprising, so do I , as my middle daughter was the only one of my daughters that mum liked to argued with, even when she was not living with us , also if any of my 2 daughter are not around in the morning mum things something happen to them & wants to know all there movements what time they getting up, what time they getting back .

Its worse now , because they on summer holiday so don't get up till late & in out all different hours of the day, one of them stays at friend place for the night.

But I do remember when I was livening at home in my younger years . Mum wanted to know all my movements & never like me to sleep in , even on a Sunday, so may be mum copying that behavior with my daughters, mind you mum has always woke me up up early, since living with me expecting me also to get up early with her . which I do now as mum can't make her own breakfast anymore .

but they asked would i have my blood pressure and heart, etc, tested as procedure, which i did.

Oh well at lest you had a health check, with out having to go to the doctor to get one :D

with mom after I initially realized that I was her security blanket I took on the role of parent. When she would get up looking for me i would get back up and "put her to bed" and tell her that it was time for bed and I would see her in the morning.


My mother like that now , but its with:- if I don't kiss her tuck her into bed every night , mum looking or calling for me to give her a good night kiss . Which I found very hard to do sometimes , as I forget, because this has only stared to happen in the last few mouths . Also have to kiss mum now before she gets in to bus to go to day center , if I forget ( as I do ) mum turn her head saying give me a Kiss .
 
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