Activities during the day

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
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What does your pwd do during the day?

My dad now goes to a day centre place once a week. He's been going for about three months now (although they were closed over the Christmas period) and it's only in the last two weeks that he's got used to it and seems content to go there. It's been a blessing as he doesn't do much during day especially as he can't go out without family/his carer and only one of this friends visit him but on a very occasional basis.
Someone visits him every morning and evening to ensure medication and food is taken and he's alright, and on about 2-3 of those days he's taken out his home to go to their home or go shopping, but during the day on other days he's at home at day. We initially thought he'll be watching TV and I've brought him books of interest to read too but only on the odd times I've come in to see the TV on or him flicking through one of the books.

He may be fine with all that and I may be worrying over nothing but I get the sense that sometimes he's at home not just staring at the walls. I would like to do or get him something more for him to do during the day at home, any ideas? What does your pwd do and is it something they can do on their own?
 

SnowWhite

Registered User
Nov 18, 2016
699
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Strangely enough I was going to post something similar. My Mum has a TV and a radio in her room at her care home but never puts either of them on. As I left today I put on the winter olympics and she thought that was lovely. I wondered whether she had forgotten how to turn it on and off so I asked the carers to offer to do it for her but they say she usually chooses not to. She used to love listening to the radio and certainly knows how to switch that on but doesnt bother.

I take her in magazines she likes and she just flicks through them and theyre usually in a pile on the side. I have tried easy word search books and large piece jigsaws but she says she is “too busy”. Doing what I’m not sure.

I cast on some crochet for her and she does a couple of rows of that now and then. When I think back her hands were never still she was always knitting, sewing, crocheting, baking, gardening etc and now she seems to just sit there. I put together a small photo album for her of her siblings and her parents and the village school where she grew up. I included some photos of knitted items she had made for charity, her garden and so on. I labelled each photo clearly on the front and she does enjoy looking through that. Can your Dad still write? My Mum had the most beautiful handwriting and is sad and very aware that she can no longer write. She tells me she sometimes tries but just cant do it.
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
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USA
Myss, I hate to be the one to mention this and don't mean to upset you, but have you considered that your dad may not be able to work the television/remote control? Of course, he may also not wish to watch television.

My mother was always very much a reader. She still likes to have books around her, even though she can no longer read. Of course, she doesn't know she can't read, so it makes sense she would want books, as in her head, she reads all the time! (The joys of anosognosia.) So I keep her well supplied with books. I get inexpensive paperbacks at local second hand shops and also library book sales, so it won't matter if they go missing, and it's easier on the budget as well.

Are there any hobbies he used to have, that he could still enjoy, in a modified form? Or any way to play to his interests and what would be familiar to him?
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
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What does your pwd do during the day?

My dad now goes to a day centre place once a week. He's been going for about three months now (although they were closed over the Christmas period) and it's only in the last two weeks that he's got used to it and seems content to go there. It's been a blessing as he doesn't do much during day especially as he can't go out without family/his carer and only one of this friends visit him but on a very occasional basis.
Someone visits him every morning and evening to ensure medication and food is taken and he's alright, and on about 2-3 of those days he's taken out his home to go to their home or go shopping, but during the day on other days he's at home at day. We initially thought he'll be watching TV and I've brought him books of interest to read too but only on the odd times I've come in to see the TV on or him flicking through one of the books.

He may be fine with all that and I may be worrying over nothing but I get the sense that sometimes he's at home not just staring at the walls. I would like to do or get him something more for him to do during the day at home, any ideas? What does your pwd do and is it something they can do on their own?
I’ve come to realise that the PWD needs 24/7 care, company, people to talk to, to belong, have their place.
We could not do all of that for 24 hours a day.
I’m convinced a good care Home is the way to go.
It’s hard and it’s heartbreaking but the PWD soon gets used to their new environment and also the routine.
They make friends and they are part of a group
Of people with dementia.
They have changed so their environment needs to change.
Nothing is the same anymore.
I realise that now.
We have to think what is best for our loved one now they have changed.
As long as they are happy a care Home is the answer x
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
0
Hi SnowWhite - my Dad can still write but doesn't do it often. He didn't write in any major way before either, so I doubt it's something he'd want to do as a new hobby.

Hi Amy - you haven't upset me! I thought the same about him and remote controls. I know he's happy to watch TV and he's fine at turning it on, but he has Sky and needs to turn on that to watch the TV.. The person who comes round in the morning will do that but I doubt he'll turn it over until someone is there in the evening.
The majority of my Dad's interests were practical and manual, i.e. F1 driving, fixing engines, cruising, etc, so we are limited. I think the day centre got him to do some exercise class once - that alone was an eyeopener! - he doesn't do any of the more gentile pastimes and it took some encouraging to get him into books even though he is an avid newspaper reader.

Hi yak55 - that's nice that a care home helped your pwd but my Dad's wishes is to stay in his home as long as possible, and as long as he's in no danger, I don't think it would be in his best interests to make such a drastic move just in order to get him to take part in an extra activity once a week. He does have people to talk to as there's someone coming round up to twice a day every day and a place to belong to being his home, I just wanted to see if there was any other activity other pwds did that simulated their time that my Dad could also do. :)

I may try and see if he can join an additional day centre as the one he goes to is only open once a week.
 

Jordrecr

Registered User
Jan 24, 2018
27
0
What does your pwd do during the day?

My dad now goes to a day centre place once a week. He's been going for about three months now (although they were closed over the Christmas period) and it's only in the last two weeks that he's got used to it and seems content to go there. It's been a blessing as he doesn't do much during day especially as he can't go out without family/his carer and only one of this friends visit him but on a very occasional basis.
Someone visits him every morning and evening to ensure medication and food is taken and he's alright, and on about 2-3 of those days he's taken out his home to go to their home or go shopping, but during the day on other days he's at home at day. We initially thought he'll be watching TV and I've brought him books of interest to read too but only on the odd times I've come in to see the TV on or him flicking through one of the books.

He may be fine with all that and I may be worrying over nothing but I get the sense that sometimes he's at home not just staring at the walls. I would like to do or get him something more for him to do during the day at home, any ideas? What does your pwd do and is it something they can do on their own?
I think this is sadly part of dementia losing the ability to be able to take that step to process doing an activity. I now have accepted there is nothing you can do re this. Dad was at home every day just sitting in his chair in front of the tv. I often stayed with him for a week and it was nigh on impossible to get him to do anything. He wouldn’t even come out to the local park to sit on a bench in the summer and I noticed stop going in the garden would sit indoors on a glorious day. He was an avid reader and around November this stopped he would get a daily paper but I noticed it sits in the side unopened. He often now doesnt even switch the tv on and if he does never changes channels. Also I noticed he can’t follow a drama on tv only factual programmes. He is now in a home with lots of activities but refuses to join in. He was an avid cyclist and mountain walker so at 89 one can’t do this anymore, being an outdoors person also leaves you at a disadvantage interest wise when your elderly I think. I put this all down to part of the disease the inability to organise your life anymore. He tells everyone he’s bored in the home but this was the same at home, at least there he is not alone and there is life around him. I did say the other day get your jigsaws out as used to love doing them and he said “I can’t I just can’t”. Other family members have tried and he just refuses. Which sums up how his brain is making him feel. I reckon they just sit trying to remember why they can’t remember and it starts to occupy their whole day.
 

Amethyst59

Registered User
Jul 3, 2017
5,776
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Kent
When I was at this stage with my PWD, we bought an Echo. He had lost the ability to play cds every day or change stations on the radio, but could ( and can) still ask Exho to play a certain song or artist, ask the time, day or date. He can get the weather forecast or even ask what is happening tomorrow, as I have linked my calendar in. I know, too, that’s it is possible to get an app so that you could control your dad’s TV remotely...so it could be turned on at any time, not just when a carer visits. Probably another day out is the way forward for you both though.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
Can you increase the days at his centre? My husband goes four days now and takes part in lots of things with them. At home he is very limited. We can only take short walks as he has a bad knee. He can read but it means nothing now. He spends a lot of time looking through his weekly sports magazine and as he forgets he’s seen it then looks at it many times.

He cannot follow TV or radio and only hears fragments which make sense.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
Hi @myss. Just wanted to pass on to you something the mental health nurse said to me about my own Mum a couple of years ago. I live with my Mum and she would sit all day doing nothing. Having been a 2 book a day reader, knitter, sewer, committee joiner, puzzle-doer, she seemed content to just sit in her chair in our living room. She showed no interest in television because she had become unable (due to the damage in her brain) to follow the plots of anything or the characters. She tried to read, but had the same problem and just could not retain the previous pages she had read, in her memory. So all this stopped and it seriously worried me. She would literally sit, for 14 hours a day, doing nothing, in spite of all my encouragement. When I mentioned this to the mental health nurse on one of her assessment visits, she told me not to judge my Mum's behaviour by my own wants or needs, or the so called 'normal' behaviour of someone without dementia. She said that if Mum is content to just sit, then she is content and I should not worry about it or think how I would feel in the same situation with my 'normal' brain because it just does not apply to someone with dementia. Simple advice I know, but it had a profound effect on me when I heard it years ago and it just might help you too.

Carmar, what very good advice from your MH nurse.
My mother was very similar. Having been a knitter, a great reader, a doer of crosswords and gardener, she would just sit in front of the TV all day. Whatever I suggested, the answer was, 'I can't be bothered.' It did eventually dawn on me that her brain just couldn't cope with anything else and it was kinder not to badger her to be 'busy'.

Although she could no,longer follow any kind of drama, she did up to a point enjoy wildlife documentaries - no plot to follow - and a doc. series that was a success was one about hugely obese Americans who were too fat even to get out of bed, etc.. I just wished I'd thought to record it, so she could watch again. She would sit there saying, 'Dear oh dear!' over and over!
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
0
Hi jordrecr - it's been a comfort to read that you've felt or been through the same situation in regards to activities. 25% of the time Dad will be up to doing most things, mostly ordinary things like going to have a bath, putting on the kettle, going out by car, etc, this is why I was surprised to hear he joined in a keep-fit class!

Hi Amerthyst/marionq - both of you said another day out at the day centre, I mentioned this as well in my second post. The one he goes to now is only open once a week, the other other ones I know of starts a bit too early for him and then he would be dependant on one of my siblings taking him there which has fallen through on a previous occasion.
With regards to Echo, I just read up about this briefly. It's not so much the turning on of the TV that's an issue - as someone is with my Dad each morning and evening, it's the turning over of channels on his Sky that I don't think he does, so may be watching something of no interest or watching the walls instead. Again, I may be worrying over nothing.

Hi Carmar - your post re. what the mental health nurse said had the same effect on me that happened to you. I do ask him every time I visit if he is alright and he doesn't mention boredom although I felt that perhaps 'something' else to do at home may deter him from the odd behaviours like putting things in strange places or rearranging the lounge furniture in a difficult positions.

I think another day at a day care centre/Dementia Cafe may be helpful, if not some puzzles. Apart from that, I'm going to assume he's content to do what he does unless he tells me otherwise. Thank you ALL for the replies. :)
 

Dottydaydream

New member
Nov 29, 2017
5
0
Hi my mum goes to a day centre 3 times a week and loves it joins in everything. At home I can't get her to do anything. She just lays on her bed with the television on in the next room . She runs her day by her diary and the tv listings for times. We have looked at care homes as she hates being on her own. As she is self funding this would be a massive decision but I really feel she really would benefit from living with people
 

Princess t

Registered User
Mar 15, 2016
184
0
I went to see mom in her care home yesturday, she was in lounge , tv on. She looked at me and said she knew tv was on but she just couldn't concentrate on it or make sence of what was going on. They do baking bingo day trips and gentle keep fit, my mom just sits there saying she can't be bothered, nothing interests her any more. It's very hard to have a conversation with her, the only thing she likes doing is watch the people she lives with go to toilet and comment on how long they were in there.....she has a good view of toilet door!!!
 

Redlib

Registered User
Sep 19, 2016
40
0
We are struggling with similar issues with my mum. She has just moved into a CH which has activities etc which usually she joins in with. The problem lies in her unoccupied time - if she is left to her own devices she will get anxious and agitated. Obviously the staff cannot do 1 to 1s all the time, mum has lost interest in the telly, papers are unread, she can’t knit any more etc - she herself is bewildered and asking ‘but what shall I do?’
 

SnowWhite

Registered User
Nov 18, 2016
699
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We are struggling with similar issues with my mum. She has just moved into a CH which has activities etc which usually she joins in with. The problem lies in her unoccupied time - if she is left to her own devices she will get anxious and agitated. Obviously the staff cannot do 1 to 1s all the time, mum has lost interest in the telly, papers are unread, she can’t knit any more etc - she herself is bewildered and asking ‘but what shall I do?’

You say your Mum cant knit anymore - has she completely forgotten how or do you mran she cant follow a pattern. My Mum cant follow a pattern anymore but I cast on about 25 stitches in a lovely bright colour and she can do garter stitch and we just make squares. She can do the same with crochet. Progress is very slow but it gives her something to do.
 

Redlib

Registered User
Sep 19, 2016
40
0
You say your Mum cant knit anymore - has she completely forgotten how or do you mran she cant follow a pattern. My Mum cant follow a pattern anymore but I cast on about 25 stitches in a lovely bright colour and she can do garter stitch and we just make squares. She can do the same with crochet. Progress is very slow but it gives her something to do.
It just comes out in a tangled mess - it is very sad as she was a brilliant knitter.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
My dad gradually lost the ability or understanding to do many activities and being to turn the tv on or off went quite early. He then wasn't following tv programmes because he couldn't understand speech subtitles didn't help. However for a time I thought back to what comedy shows he used to enjoy and a lot of them included segments of visual comedy similar to mime. These really seemed to work for a while and lovely to hear dad stepping out of uncommunicative world to chuckle with laughter if only for 15 mins or so. The dvds were Dad's Army, Last of the Summer Wine, Eric Sykes did a few actual totally mime dvds with older comedians like Charlie Drake Jimmy Edwards etc. Dad also liked cricket and football so I bought an Ashes cricket one and his beloved football club so a DVD of a couple of games...ones which they won of course!:D it is obviously reliant on someone putting the DVD on but it added to dad's fairly monotonous days before any interest disappeared completely. Also gave us some lovely dad daughter moments and a good tool for conversation too
 

DeMartin

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Jul 4, 2017
711
0
Kent
Hi SnowWhite - my Dad can still write but doesn't do it often. He didn't write in any major way before either, so I doubt it's something he'd want to do as a new hobby.

Hi Amy - you haven't upset me! I thought the same about him and remote controls. I know he's happy to watch TV and he's fine at turning it on, but he has Sky and needs to turn on that to watch the TV.. The person who comes round in the morning will do that but I doubt he'll turn it over until someone is there in the evening.
The majority of my Dad's interests were practical and manual, i.e. F1 driving, fixing engines, cruising, etc, so we are limited. I think the day centre got him to do some exercise class once - that alone was an eyeopener! - he doesn't do any of the more gentile pastimes and it took some encouraging to get him into books even though he is an avid newspaper reader.

Hi yak55 - that's nice that a care home helped your pwd but my Dad's wishes is to stay in his home as long as possible, and as long as he's in no danger, I don't think it would be in his best interests to make such a drastic move just in order to get him to take part in an extra activity once a week. He does have people to talk to as there's someone coming round up to twice a day every day and a place to belong to being his home, I just wanted to see if there was any other activity other pwds did that simulated their time that my Dad could also do. :)

I may try and see if he can join an additional day centre as the one he goes to is only open once a week.
.you mentioned your dad has sky. My dad did as well. I used to program in reminders of programs he would enjoy, rugby, snooker, wire in the blood!!
It was controlling but he did get to see those things he wouldn’t have wanted to miss.
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
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Hi DeMartin - I have a strong feeling he wouldn't know what to do with the reminder, he still doesn't fully understand how to do the back up!
 

tryingmybest

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May 22, 2015
638
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Is it not possible for you to take your Dad out yourself on day trips out? My Mum has been living with me for 3 years now and I'm her sole carer. She needs 24/7 care as is unable to do anything for herself apart from drink and eat so I do absolutely everything for her. Like others have said, she too has lost the ability to read, knit, follow storylines in tv programmes etc, and the only thing she likes doing whilst sat in her chair is to watch dvd's of Andre Rieu. I have every one he's ever brought out (and I can't tell you how sick I am of them!!) but Mum loves them and will happily watch them all day long!! I've tried other music dvds to no avail. His music brings her to life and she sings/conducts and taps her feet and laughs and smiles.

However, I have to restrict this for my own sanity, (and there are only so many times a week I can stay in listening to Andre Rieu or do hand and foot massages and paint Mums nails), so every afternoon take her out somewhere. Mum still enjoys going out in the car (we live in a very remote hamlet so have to go everywhere by car as the nearest shop is 6 miles and nearest day centre 30 miles) and I have a lightweight wheelchair I bought for just £50 from eBay as Mum can't walk now, although was a keen rambler. It doesn't have to cost much to go out everyday. Sometimes it's just a drive around the area or to the local park or river and I'l pack up a flask and sandwiches or cake. Or we will have a mooch around the local garden centre and have tea and cake. Yesterday we had a fantastic time going to a garden of a large house and I pushed mum all through the woods which were carpeted with millions of snowdrops. The cathedral in the town often has free lunchtime concerts with choirs or musicians playing which Mum enjoys (even though it's not Andre Rieu!). I have 5 dogs but sadly cannot manage to walk all of them at once with Mum in her wheelchair, so take one at a time and she thinks shes walking them herself holding onto the lead (which for safety is tied to the wheelchair too!). I manage to find somewhere different everyday and there are so many places where if you do have to pay, the carer goes free and it's a reduced price for someone in a wheelchair. I find taking my Mum out everyday then tires her out, and she is easier to "manage" at night as she paces terribly up and down the landing, clonking her frame about looking for me if she is unstimulated in the day.

Prior to my Mum coming here to live with me, when my late Father was put into a home by my Stepmother, I was working full-time and it was an 80 mile round trip to visit him but I still went twice a week and took him out. He was so lonely and bored there and was definitely not ready for a care home but his face would light up when I took him out. Even a drink in the pub garden meant so much to him or just to sit by the village duck pond with a hot pasties from the bakers. I always remember the first time I took him out and he said how I had no idea how lovely it was to feel the sun on his face after being inside all the time which he just wasn't used to.

I just think it so sad that so many pwds are just stuck inside their houses or care homes and never get out anymore. I realise that for some, the outside world is a frightening place, and for some it's not possible due to severe mobiliy problems but if it is at all possible, the stimulation of just being outside in the fresh air or being somewhere different and the health benefits are huge.
 
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myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
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Hi tryingmybest - although I have taken him out on special occasions like birthdays, bank holidays, etc, but my siblings and I work during the day, and then we have our own households to think about, i.e. chores, bills to pay, kids, studying, etc in addition to what needs to be done for my Dad. So taking him on regular days out on our own few spare days off work is not so easy to arrange.
Plus the last two occasions he was taken out, after he was brought home and settled, he walked out on his own and got lost, so unfortunately there's extra planning required than before.