OH angry and refusing to see me

[Steve115]

Last week I posted about my wife refusing all medication which had resulted in my being banished from her room in the NH. This literally came about in a time frame of 5 minutes or so. I had left her room to get some tea and when I returned she just shouted at me to get out and that she did not want to see me again .....EVER.

At the time is was put down to the lack of medication and the nursing staff worked to get things back to normal.

Today I was told that she now takes her medication normally and things seem to be back to normal in her world. However, she does not want to see me and refuses to talk about seeing me.

As we always do I have put this down to Dementia. However, the fallout is quite significant as it open the possibility that she may never want to see me again. And of course there are all sorts of other questions about health, medication and care that probably will arise if that is the case.

There does not seem to be anything personal as there is no specific accusation just that she does not want to see me any more.

Has anyone else experienced this at all? Does it pass? Where do we go from here?

Steve

 

[Amethyst59]

Last week I posted about my wife refusing all medication which had resulted in my being banished from her room in the NH. This literally came about in a time frame of 5 minutes or so. I had left her room to get some tea and when I returned she just shouted at me to get out and that she did not want to see me again .....EVER.

At the time is was put down to the lack of medication and the nursing staff worked to get things back to normal.

Today I was told that she now takes her medication normally and things seem to be back to normal in her world. However, she does not want to see me and refuses to talk about seeing me.

As we always do I have put this down to Dementia. However, the fallout is quite significant as it open the possibility that she may never want to see me again. And of course there are all sorts of other questions about health, medication and care that probably will arise if that is the case.

There does not seem to be anything personal as there is no specific accusation just that she does not want to see me any more.

Has anyone else experienced this at all? Does it pass? Where do we go from here?

Steve

@Steve115 this must be so upsetting for you. I have my hands full here right now...but am replying to your post to ‘bump’ it to the first page. It seems to have been missed by members, who I am sure could advise.

 

[love.dad.but..]

This must be very upsetting for you this illness dementia really throws unexpected problems into the mix. My dad would often have moments when I knew it was best to leave him for 10 minutes sometimes his face and body language showed this as soon as I saw him ...Sometimes unpredictably when he had been fine he would tell me to go (wasn't usually that polite word!)
And then when I returned he would be different and better. It was a phase for him that lasted quite a long time sadly until he declined to becoming less communicative. Am assuming the reaction is when she sees you rather than you being told she has said that? If just you..does it happen just in her room? If it is maybe you can ask staff to bring her to a communal area where there are other distractions so her attention is not immediately just on seeing you. It may not even be the fact that it is you that she has suddenly taken against...it could just be that seeing you reminds her of something deep in her mind that she cannot now make sense of if you see what I mean.Do you find the staff supportive to you in trying to think of a way round this. I would speak to the staff...find out if she is like that with staff or other residents and if only you...and then ask them to help with suggesting strategies from their experience to move forward.

 

[Steve115]

Thank you both for your replies.

Love.Dad.But I think that your statement ".it could just be that seeing you reminds her of something deep in her mind that she cannot now make sense of if you see what I mean" was probably pretty close to the truth.

I went to the NH this afternoon and was welcomed by my wife who was really sad. She told me that she thought that she had divorced me and that I would not be coming back and it made her feel really sad. She was also very confused about a number of things and at one point thought I was someone else, but that thought was transitory thank heavens.

I explained about what had happened and that I was not going to leave her and she gradually relaxed. Everything is now back to "normal".

As you say at the time something clicked in her mind setting her against me but it has now settled and she has no memory of what or why. But it did leave her feeling very sad.

Thank you all again for your support.

Steve

 

[love.dad.but..]

Whilst upsetting for you and your OH that she seemed sad at least this visit shows that her reaction and moods are changeable and hopefully you will have more pleasant visits inbetween the difficult ones. Dementia/Alzheimer's is such a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges for sufferer and carer alike. Wishing you both a peaceful next visit