hello, firstly, im kate and my nana, has alzheimers, she hasnt been out of the house for 5 years and has no idea who anyone is in the family except my Grandad who she lives with. He is an amazing man and cares for her totally on his own with no outside help at all.( he is a very proud man.) Lately he himself has been poorly and for the first time he has admitted that there will become a time when he can no longer cope on his own. There is no one else in the family who would be able to care for her, so hes has begrudgingly looked into her being moved to a home, which he refers to as hotel, but the expense is so great that i dont think they could afford it but they do have some savings, its such a shame that they would take the savings to pay for her care. I'm sure there are a lot of people in the situation. I just wanted to know your experiences of care homes, and also ask if any of you have had family sectioned, and what there needs to be to have it done, he told me today that she would have to be a danger to herself, (which she would be if grandad ever left the house) but I dont know if its more complicated than that ?Also do you have to pay if someone is sectioned to a hospital or is it classed as nhs. Sorry for so many questions, jsut after some ideas from people who know ! kate
hello, new to this and after some advice please
- Thread starter katiec
- Start date
Hi Katie and welcome to Talking Point.
Firstly, has your grandfather ever had a carer's assessment done? That would allow him to tap into any assistance offered by your local authority such as respite care.
If your grandfather does decide on residential care as some point in the future, the general rule is that the house that is being lived in by the spouse is not counted and all savings are split down the middle. The LA will start to pay for care (on a sliding scale) when your grandmother's share of those savings drops below £21000. As to sectioning: theoretically if someone is sectioned for a considerable period of time then yes, this is an NHS cost. However, it's not quite as simple as that because there are many different kinds of sectioning. the mind website (mind.org.uk) has the most comprehensive info about when the NHS pays. Furthermore, in certain circumstances the NHS will pay for care without sectioning - this is called NHS continuing care.
Firstly, has your grandfather ever had a carer's assessment done? That would allow him to tap into any assistance offered by your local authority such as respite care.
If your grandfather does decide on residential care as some point in the future, the general rule is that the house that is being lived in by the spouse is not counted and all savings are split down the middle. The LA will start to pay for care (on a sliding scale) when your grandmother's share of those savings drops below £21000. As to sectioning: theoretically if someone is sectioned for a considerable period of time then yes, this is an NHS cost. However, it's not quite as simple as that because there are many different kinds of sectioning. the mind website (mind.org.uk) has the most comprehensive info about when the NHS pays. Furthermore, in certain circumstances the NHS will pay for care without sectioning - this is called NHS continuing care.
thank you for that information, it was great,
I wish we knew what to do, but can i ask another question, i dont know if anyone knows,
Nana and Grandad arent actually married and they have no children together, but they have been living together for the best part of forever and outrightly own a house together. Ive been reading about who can have power of attorney etc and just wondered whether grandad counts as the nearest relative or whether that would be my mum or my uncle as they arent married and he isnt the father of her children ?
After reading posts on here, ive realised just how poorly nana is, she hasnt had an assesment or even seen the doctor for 3 years, she does eat, but is very frail and grandad has to carry her upstairs to the loo and clean up when they dont make it in time. She is unable to make a complete sentance without starting a new one about something else which has no relevance to anything. The only thing she is able to do is sing the old songs that grandad puts on the record player for her, and she knows she lived in sunderland as a child.
Does anyone have any advice on how to get grandad to see he needs help, hes too stubborn and proud, he is the most amazing man i know and i just want to be able to help ??
I wish we knew what to do, but can i ask another question, i dont know if anyone knows,
Nana and Grandad arent actually married and they have no children together, but they have been living together for the best part of forever and outrightly own a house together. Ive been reading about who can have power of attorney etc and just wondered whether grandad counts as the nearest relative or whether that would be my mum or my uncle as they arent married and he isnt the father of her children ?
After reading posts on here, ive realised just how poorly nana is, she hasnt had an assesment or even seen the doctor for 3 years, she does eat, but is very frail and grandad has to carry her upstairs to the loo and clean up when they dont make it in time. She is unable to make a complete sentance without starting a new one about something else which has no relevance to anything. The only thing she is able to do is sing the old songs that grandad puts on the record player for her, and she knows she lived in sunderland as a child.
Does anyone have any advice on how to get grandad to see he needs help, hes too stubborn and proud, he is the most amazing man i know and i just want to be able to help ??
With regard to the legal situation, I would strongly advise you call the Alzheimer's Helpline 0845 300 0336
As I understand there is no such thing as "next of kin" in a legal sense. However, normally someone who lives with another person in a marital type relationship are considered to have all the normal rights, but you should absolutely check that with the society.
Could you not sit him down and point out that if he won't ask for/accept help now he could make himself so ill that he's unable to take care of her at all? I don't want to worry you unduly, but it's not uncommon, sadly, for a partner to work themselves into an untimely grave by refusing to accept help. You may have to be quite pushy with him. Perhaps as a first step it might be possible for him to accept help with tasks that need to be done, but aren't directly related to her care, such as cleaning and shopping.
As I understand there is no such thing as "next of kin" in a legal sense. However, normally someone who lives with another person in a marital type relationship are considered to have all the normal rights, but you should absolutely check that with the society.
Could you not sit him down and point out that if he won't ask for/accept help now he could make himself so ill that he's unable to take care of her at all? I don't want to worry you unduly, but it's not uncommon, sadly, for a partner to work themselves into an untimely grave by refusing to accept help. You may have to be quite pushy with him. Perhaps as a first step it might be possible for him to accept help with tasks that need to be done, but aren't directly related to her care, such as cleaning and shopping.
Hello Katie,
You raise such a lot of issues...and I'll try to do my bit to help..but I'm no expert...
Jennifer has given you good advice...
But if you can prioritise here it may help.
Perhaps your Grandad would agree to a visit from the GP? You could say that Nana should have a check up..and maybe notify the GP in advance of your concerns...
My feeling is you need to get some professional help in place for your grandparents' sake..and think about the financial side once things are stable.
Their health and well-being would seem to me to be the priority just now. Try starting with the GP...
Love gigi xx
You raise such a lot of issues...and I'll try to do my bit to help..but I'm no expert...
Jennifer has given you good advice...
But if you can prioritise here it may help.
Perhaps your Grandad would agree to a visit from the GP? You could say that Nana should have a check up..and maybe notify the GP in advance of your concerns...
My feeling is you need to get some professional help in place for your grandparents' sake..and think about the financial side once things are stable.
Their health and well-being would seem to me to be the priority just now. Try starting with the GP...
Love gigi xx
Hi Katie
Sorry to hear of your Grandparents situation - I think what most people have advised here, in your Grandparents case, the GP is probably the first port of call and then, with your Grandparents permission refer to Social Services for an Assessment of Need (client and carer).
In a professional capacity I have dealt with a case almost similiar - sadly the situation esculated and the carer ended up being admitted to hospital and the service user needed to be placed in emergency respite - a situation I had hoped to avoid, but was inevitable given what I had ascertained in the joint review. What I'm trying to say is that your Grandparents sound as if they do now need support, firstly to ensure your Nan can be safely maintained and secondly to sustain Grandad in his caring role - a little support is often a big help, so long as the carers are good and reliable - it also gets Nan used to accepting support from 'outside' - maybe a short stay/respite might help. Social Services will generally carry out a financial assessment to ascertain contribution - if Nan is the client, it would just be her finances or if living together (married or not) and it's all joint, then her 50% is assessed. Bit of a minefield.
Good luck!
Sorry to hear of your Grandparents situation - I think what most people have advised here, in your Grandparents case, the GP is probably the first port of call and then, with your Grandparents permission refer to Social Services for an Assessment of Need (client and carer).
In a professional capacity I have dealt with a case almost similiar - sadly the situation esculated and the carer ended up being admitted to hospital and the service user needed to be placed in emergency respite - a situation I had hoped to avoid, but was inevitable given what I had ascertained in the joint review. What I'm trying to say is that your Grandparents sound as if they do now need support, firstly to ensure your Nan can be safely maintained and secondly to sustain Grandad in his caring role - a little support is often a big help, so long as the carers are good and reliable - it also gets Nan used to accepting support from 'outside' - maybe a short stay/respite might help. Social Services will generally carry out a financial assessment to ascertain contribution - if Nan is the client, it would just be her finances or if living together (married or not) and it's all joint, then her 50% is assessed. Bit of a minefield.
Good luck!
thank you so much for your replies,
Grandad is so old school he cant bear for anyone to help out and i know its going to be a task to talk him around. I think in his heart he does know that he cant go on forever like this, and we know nana will only get worse. I think I will get him to get her checked by a doctor, I know he is worried financially which is why ive asked the questions so that if nothing else i might be able to go some way at putting his mind at rest, and its his first admission that she may not be able to stay at home forever, in the past he totally refused to even talk about the situation.
Its hard for us as we live about 2 and a half hours away and i feel like i should be able to do more. Its heartbreaking to watch everytime we go things are getting worse, Grandad has lost 3 stone in about 2 months and so I know we just have to keep on at him to get help,
thank you for your kind words and listening.
Grandad is so old school he cant bear for anyone to help out and i know its going to be a task to talk him around. I think in his heart he does know that he cant go on forever like this, and we know nana will only get worse. I think I will get him to get her checked by a doctor, I know he is worried financially which is why ive asked the questions so that if nothing else i might be able to go some way at putting his mind at rest, and its his first admission that she may not be able to stay at home forever, in the past he totally refused to even talk about the situation.
Its hard for us as we live about 2 and a half hours away and i feel like i should be able to do more. Its heartbreaking to watch everytime we go things are getting worse, Grandad has lost 3 stone in about 2 months and so I know we just have to keep on at him to get help,
thank you for your kind words and listening.
