Can I just run away and hide?

smartieplum

Registered User
Jul 29, 2014
259
0
Very hard few days. I've contacted Social Care about respite and been told it can take 6 weeks! Awaiting allocation of social worker. Mum's been up all night. I'm having to lock everything away. She's aggressive, shes stuffing dish cloths between her legs and peeing on them, she wants to 'go home". I've started a befriender two afternoons a week, for an hour. Im going for a hair cut today (hooray). She has an apt tomorrow with the psychiatrist (any pointers on how to deal with this?). Is it going to take me having a break down or disappearing before anyone takes any notice? As you guys are all aware from your own experience, the stress is unbearable. What a stinking disease.
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,731
0
South
I am sorry it is so difficult for you at the moment, smartieplum. If you are taking your mum to the psychiatrist appointment, tell it like it is. Say you've asked for respite, say you are at the end of your tether.
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
734
0
London
I am glad you have got in contact with social care, the first step but 6 weeks is really too long to wait in your circumstances. Please go back to them and stress it is urgent. I am not sure what further steps you can take, short of taking Mum to social care offices and 'sitting it out' with her till they take action.
2 hours a week befriender is nowhere near enough, so unfair to you. I am assuming there are no siblings nearby who are willing and able to relieve you for a while.
Don't wait 6 weeks, or be told that they are dealing with more urgent cases. The cases may be urgent but that doesn't make your less urgent, keep on at them. Good luck.
 

Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,270
0
East Midlands
I’m so sorry that you are having such a hard time of it. Keep on at Social Services, it is clear you need more help than what you are getting now with your mum. Are you in a position to maybe hire some carers through an agency in the meantime to help you in the short term?

Befrienders can only do so much but obviously do provide some respite.
 

smartieplum

Registered User
Jul 29, 2014
259
0
I do have siblings nearby but they just let me get on with it. I have said many times they need to help more but that doesn't happen. Mum looks physically fine and that makes everyone think things are okay. Is she supposed to walk about with her knickers on her head before help is offered? I hate this life.
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
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New South Wales Australia
How did the psychiatrist go !? Hopefully very helpful. I’m wondering if something extra is happening to mum like a UTI infection. Sounds like a candidate !! That can make things extra hard with delerium. Can you present at a hospital and get a blood and urine test ?? We can here in Australia- but sometimes you wait for hours and that may not be at all practical.
Usually the first questions at a hospital they ask the patient is Name, date, and where are we !? If they can’t answer that straight up then urine and blood tests .
Hope you are managing !! Can you keep her hydrated ??
All the very best !! Hope you can get better support soon! M-Joy
 

mab

Registered User
Mar 6, 2010
198
0
Surrey
Two phrases pop instantly to mind. Your mum is a 'Vulnerable adult' and the SS have a 'Duty of care'. Don't be afraid to use them... as often as necessary!
Hope the psychiatrist's appointment goes well for you today.
 

smartieplum

Registered User
Jul 29, 2014
259
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wee update. She's started trazodone, is having a befriender two afternoons aweek, and referrals for day care and respite are ongoing. we are going to "coffee and company" on Saturday through Bailliestin home care and my sister is willing to take mum on Saturday night! So, i haven't been idle. I have the doc for me on Wednesday.
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,731
0
South
wow. I hope all the things you've managed to sort out make a big difference to you. And that the urge to run away lessens too :)
 

smartieplum

Registered User
Jul 29, 2014
259
0
the "wanting to go home" is horrible. Anyone got any pointers on how to deal with it, and my reaction to it.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
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N Ireland
Sometimes the wanting to go home is an abstract notion where the PWD are not seeking a place but the security they felt in their childhood home. They seek this because of the fear, anxiety and confusion created by their current predicament which they feel but don’t understand. Would reassurance and maybe talking about her childhood home - or even looking at family photographs help?
 

netsy22

Registered User
Oct 31, 2015
260
0
the "wanting to go home" is horrible. Anyone got any pointers on how to deal with it, and my reaction to it.
Have you asked her where or what she means by "home"? My mum doesn't know where home is but still wants to go there. I think it means where I am, or back where she used to live with my dad 20 years ago. It's such an emotive thing to say but your reaction to it can change - realise that she really means she wants herself to be as she was, which is not possible, so try to detach from the emotion, tell those little love lies (as on other threads), and don't let it get to you.
 

smartieplum

Registered User
Jul 29, 2014
259
0
Have you asked her where or what she means by "home"? My mum doesn't know where home is but still wants to go there. I think it means where I am, or back where she used to live with my dad 20 years ago. It's such an emotive thing to say but your reaction to it can change - realise that she really means she wants herself to be as she was, which is not possible, so try to detach from the emotion, tell those little love lies (as on other threads), and don't let it get to you.
Yes, i think your right
 

Onmyown

Registered User
May 30, 2017
385
0
Me too I want to run away now. Mums just gone to bed,I’m so tired I snapped at her I’ve been on the go since 9am. Just sat through a movie she wanted to watch bored stupid then finally she took her pills and I thought great she’s off to bed now? Went upstairs to put hot water bottle in her bed and then when I came down she was sitting down having tea? All I said was I thought you were going to bed and she threw a tantrum said you are always trying to get rid of me.? It’s almost 1am now and all I want is time for me watch a movie,switch off? She went to bed and slammed her door? So fed up with this EVERYNIGHT .
 

Onmyown

Registered User
May 30, 2017
385
0
I have a brother who does nothing to help here. He will stay twice a week but arrives at midnight and leaves in the morning does nothing regarding her care and wouldn’t even wash a cup or run the Hoover around etc I don’t ask for much?
 

smartieplum

Registered User
Jul 29, 2014
259
0
Me too I want to run away now. Mums just gone to bed,I’m so tired I snapped at her I’ve been on the go since 9am. Just sat through a movie she wanted to watch bored stupid then finally she took her pills and I thought great she’s off to bed now? Went upstairs to put hot water bottle in her bed and then when I came down she was sitting down having tea? All I said was I thought you were going to bed and she threw a tantrum said you are always trying to get rid of me.? It’s almost 1am now and all I want is time for me watch a movie,switch off? She went to bed and slammed her door? So fed up with this EVERYNIGHT .
OMG yes! I think they go to a secret dementia course on how to be awkward. My me time is usually 1 am. Her thing to watch just now is The Chase
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
I have a brother who does nothing to help here. He will stay twice a week but arrives at midnight and leaves in the morning does nothing regarding her care and wouldn’t even wash a cup or run the Hoover around etc I don’t ask for much?

I have a brother like that, lives around the corner and manages ten minute visit twice a week. Doesn't even take his coat off or have a cup of tea, just talks about himself and lets his flippin dog jump all over dads bed.

I really don't like him at all any more but I have to sit and pretend to be pleasant.Actually I can't stand the sight of him, he is an ignorant pig and I hope he has a lousy holiday.

I feel better now.