Keep on running

[northumbrian_k]

My ribs have recovered enough after my fall to encourage me to try a bit of running with our dog. Today I just wanted to keep on running away from the person dementia has made of my wife.

From this morning, when a simple enquiry about tea towels enraged her so much I was ordered to leave the house, to this afternoon when the last vestige of snow in the valley was mistaken for a rabbit, everything that I have said or done has been wrong. I haven't exercised the dog (except for a 4 mile walk this morning). I don't feed him properly (but he looks in great condition and was at his perfect weight this morning). She doesn't need my help, can look after herself, is going out to find a new house and will not be coming back. She is moving in with her sister (the one with the invisibility cloak). I shouldn't encourage the dog to play with his favourite squeaky ball in case he swallows the fluff. My turbo training session was cut short as it is difficult to work hard and follow a routine when being peppered with questions and accusations.

One of the worst days in a while. I know that my wife can't help the way that she speaks to me and that I should try to deal with her compassionately. I just don't seem any good at it.

 

[nanafatana]

I know very well the feeling of wanting to run away.The thing isonce i have calmed down i feel so guilty for feeling like that We won't be the only ones to feel like that will we ?

 

[JaquelineM]

Northumbrian_k , please don't beat yourself up about finding the criticism and accusations hard to bear , there can't be single member of TP who doesn't feel like this sometimes , you would have to be a veritable saint not to mind . However much we know that the PWD can't help their behaviour it's impossible not to sometimes feel upset by it . I do hope you have a better day tomorrow

 

[JigJog]

Awwww northumbrian_k. I know those feelings only too well.

There is the theory; we know that they can't help it, we know how we should respond etc etc but then there is the practice. The stress that builds up when we live with, love and care for a person with dementia is unbelievable. Only those who have experienced it can really understand. It's like nothing else. Relentless at times.

But you are a runner and a cyclist and you can come through this. Running has been my salvation. My stress relief. My sanity. You are right, it's frustrating to not be able to get the training routines you would like, but I just put those on hold and just grabbed any chance I could to just get the running shoes on and go. It didn't matter how far. If I could just get out for half an hour, I was happy; any weather. Like you, I ran with the dog. I was the crazy woman running along the river singing at the top of her voice!

My husband is now in a care home and I have been able to join a local running club and meet new people. I'm glad I kept the running ticking over, though never as much as I wanted. It helped me to cope with the stress and now it's helping me to heal.

Be flexible, be patient. Grab any and every chance to run and ride when you can. But remember, you are important too.

I remember having the chance to have a Sunday to myself a couple of years ago. It coincided with a challenging 10k race close to home. I entered. Standing on the start line; wow I couldn't believe the feelings. I cried tears of joy all the way round. The freedom.

I won a prize! Fastest it my age category. I rang home with great excitement to receive the response, 'I thought you'd gone shopping!' Aww well.

Hang on in there. You're doing the toughest job but you will get through it.

Best wishes
JigJogx

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @northumbrian_k, I have to say I second everything said by JaquelineM. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Prudence9]

There must be something in the air n_k, I'm having a dreadful week with Mum.

Hope things improve for you xxx