Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
[QUOTE="Sam Luvit,
I don’t want to be in a tangled heap at the bottom of the stairs either, it’s a 14 stair flight, so it couid be messy. I just can’t seem to force myself to let her do it alone[/QUOTE]
@Sam Luvit there are walking gait belts with handle grips available on Amazon. Just thinking it might help with the stairs situation so you can be behind your mum instead of in front going backwards!
I don’t want to be in a tangled heap at the bottom of the stairs either, it’s a 14 stair flight, so it couid be messy. I just can’t seem to force myself to let her do it alone[/QUOTE]
@Sam Luvit there are walking gait belts with handle grips available on Amazon. Just thinking it might help with the stairs situation so you can be behind your mum instead of in front going backwards!
I hope that you have gone to bed Sam (though I suspect not) and can get a good nights sleep.
OH has developed a nasty chesty cough. When I heard it this morning there was a real aha! moment when all the recent problems suddenly made sense.
The man from SS didnt come today. I got a phone call from his office saying that he was unwell. Probably best under the circumstances, though it does seem to be dragging on and I will be glad to get it sorted.
OH has developed a nasty chesty cough. When I heard it this morning there was a real aha! moment when all the recent problems suddenly made sense.
The man from SS didnt come today. I got a phone call from his office saying that he was unwell. Probably best under the circumstances, though it does seem to be dragging on and I will be glad to get it sorted.
Absolutely feel your pain (and sorry for the snippages, I wanted to make it more concise to quote)...
My father spent three months in hospital after a fall in 2015. Initial CT scan showed nothing and was presumed a UTI (due to confusion when paramedics arrived). He'd been showing signs of dementia and/or stroke for a few years previous (mobility decline, spacial awareness, drool, plus lots more) and he had previously been referred to a memory clinic which he forgot to attend. While he was in hospital, I asked and asked and repeatedly asked for an MRI scan, which they refused because they didn't think he needed one. They listed his symptoms as being due to UTI, diabetes, COPD. A speech therapist (SALT) saw him towards the end of his "stay" due to his right side drool, and she referred him for an MRI as she saw "Parkinsonian symptoms".
He was then discharged. SIX MONTHS (yes!) later, his GP phoned me to tell me the MRI had shown he has small vessel disease and global atrophy, so his diagnosis was Alzheimer's, vascular dementia, and wernicke-korsakoff syndrome.
In Sept last year he went into hospital with speech issues (they suspected a stroke). CT scan showed three "old" strokes (which weren't there in 2015). They presumed this new episode was a TIA. They discharged him 3 weeks later when THEY considered he was "baseline" (he wasn't) and the social worker in the hospital flatly denied - AND ARGUED WITH ME - my father has dementia OR had a dementia diagnosis, and this is despite me pointing out that his actual physical medical tests PROVED dementia (quite apart from his GP's diagnosis!). The OT promised me that he would be assessed at home.
He was discharged in October and NOBODY has been to see him for further assessments (despite everyone's assurances) and I found out last week that he no longer has a social worker (AGAIN!) as they've put him back onto their "review" list - basically they've parked his file into a cabinet until things change EVEN THOUGH things HAVE changed!
So yes. I know precisely what you're going through, and I wish it wasn't so
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You do know that one day I’m going to get on a plane or drive to Heathrow & collect these hugs, don’t you @Amy in the US
I just kept hugging youngest while he was here. He totally gets it & kept opening his arms & holding me. His fiancée is a lucky girl, he’s so thoughtful. He’s no mummies boy, just caring & loyal. Bit like his mum ... best friend / wrorst enemy you can have lol
Sometimes being held is all you need to keep on going
Hi @Moggymad
No, I didn’t know about those. I will try a search, but if you have a link that wouId be fantastic. “Big pleading grin”
I could see mums Alzheimer’s kicking in, so decided she needed to be out of hospital, discussed with brother & pushed hard to get her out. Pretty much, I’ll just find a way of dealing with it.
I am now looking at bits of our lives & trying to think of what I should do. I’m not a lot of use to her with broken limbs, so I need to try to be sensible.
No, I didn’t know about those. I will try a search, but if you have a link that wouId be fantastic. “Big pleading grin”
I could see mums Alzheimer’s kicking in, so decided she needed to be out of hospital, discussed with brother & pushed hard to get her out. Pretty much, I’ll just find a way of dealing with it.
I am now looking at bits of our lives & trying to think of what I should do. I’m not a lot of use to her with broken limbs, so I need to try to be sensible.
Lol @canary as if I’d be in bed so early. I know I have to try to fall out if bed & find coffee by 09.00, just in case the Carer arrives on time, but although I usually start pushing Mum off to bed around midnight, tonight as I backed out of the Sky planner film, we found 100 best dogs & it got late early. So, she’s just gone to bed. She was, I don’t know, in need of reassurance, pathetically grateful, full of guilt, all of the above. So I’ve sat with her, cuddled, joked around & finally tucked her in. Pooch is snuggled with her. I hope he stays a while.
I hope your OH is resting & you can crawl between your sheets & dream of sunny days & white beaches. Throw in some eye candy waiters & delicious cocktails & I might push you off the sun lounger
Fingers crossed the SS man is recovered at a convenient time for you & OH, so the assessment works in your favour without too much stress.
Go get some sleep. I will try to follow my advice soon lol
I hope your OH is resting & you can crawl between your sheets & dream of sunny days & white beaches. Throw in some eye candy waiters & delicious cocktails & I might push you off the sun lounger
Fingers crossed the SS man is recovered at a convenient time for you & OH, so the assessment works in your favour without too much stress.
Go get some sleep. I will try to follow my advice soon lol
Sorry @Sam Luvit i don't know how to do the link that's why I didn't do it but if you search on Google for 'walking gait belts/Harness it will come up with some pics. I chose Amazon to look at, they're not too pricey.
Got images of you out for a walk with one hand hanging on to your mums gait belt & the other hanging on to pooch's lead!
Absolutely feel your pain (and sorry for the snippages, I wanted to make it more concise to quote)...
My father spent three months in hospital after a fall in 2015. Initial CT scan showed nothing and was presumed a UTI (due to confusion when paramedics arrived). He'd been showing signs of dementia and/or stroke for a few years previous (mobility decline, spacial awareness, drool, plus lots more) and he had previously been referred to a memory clinic which he forgot to attend. While he was in hospital, I asked and asked and repeatedly asked for an MRI scan, which they refused because they didn't think he needed one. They listed his symptoms as being due to UTI, diabetes, COPD. A speech therapist (SALT) saw him towards the end of his "stay" due to his right side drool, and she referred him for an MRI as she saw "Parkinsonian symptoms".
He was then discharged. SIX MONTHS (yes!) later, his GP phoned me to tell me the MRI had shown he has small vessel disease and global atrophy, so his diagnosis was Alzheimer's, vascular dementia, and wernicke-korsakoff syndrome.
In Sept last year he went into hospital with speech issues (they suspected a stroke). CT scan showed three "old" strokes (which weren't there in 2015). They presumed this new episode was a TIA. They discharged him 3 weeks later when THEY considered he was "baseline" (he wasn't) and the social worker in the hospital flatly denied - AND ARGUED WITH ME - my father has dementia OR had a dementia diagnosis, and this is despite me pointing out that his actual physical medical tests PROVED dementia (quite apart from his GP's diagnosis!). The OT promised me that he would be assessed at home.
He was discharged in October and NOBODY has been to see him for further assessments (despite everyone's assurances) and I found out last week that he no longer has a social worker (AGAIN!) as they've put him back onto their "review" list - basically they've parked his file into a cabinet until things change EVEN THOUGH things HAVE changed!
So yes. I know precisely what you're going through, and I wish it wasn't so
Hi @rainbowcat
Oh, I so understand your frustration. I emotionally blackmailed my dad into seeing his GP about constant headaches. He had a brain scan, showed fluid on the brain, but the GP filed the results & no treatment offered. It was only a fall some 4 months later when Mum was out, my losing my temper with the paramedics, saying I was supick to death of him falling & nothing being done, that got the brain scan results. He then showed symptoms of a stroke while in hospital, but butt covering came into play. Two bouts of pneumonia later, he died, brother & I agreed to drop it as no way Mum couid deal with the trauma of legal action on top of losing her husband of 55 years
Here I am again, this time with Mum. Blooming NHS seems determined to make us orphans. Same resus cubicle. Same it’s all ok attitude. Same fight. I’m so tired of it. I have no faith in the system. I have no faith in her GP.
I’m 100% sure that if it was “just”Alzheimer’s there wouId be nothing. It’s only the stroke that’s got me any support. How sad is it, that you almost wish for something so awful, to get some help. The carers, nurses, Physio etc have been great, taking her Alzheimer’s into account, while treating the stroke symptoms. She was struggling before. She was tired, not sleeping, depressed before, but now they listen
I can only suggest you write a letter, listing a time line for your dad, with as much back up as you can, then request a review. Personally, I suggested they make sure they had their medical insurance up to date, coz they wouId need it (for dad) & printed off lots of copies (about 8) for the meeting. I refused to be brow beaten & kept referring to my time line. Too many things hadn’t happened & it was too far gone for him, but I made them sweat.
Im so sorry that you do understand. It’s a rubbish place to be isn’t it
I’ve googled ... why shouldn’t it be used as a restraint? We strap kids into chairs so they don’t hurt themselves ...
I’ve looked, but most seem to be for transfer from bed to chair etc
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tommhanes-...671821&sr=8-17-spons&keywords=gait+belt&psc=1
I’m finding it hard to see how It helps in supporting her, or maybe I’m looking at the wrong thing
To do a link ... when you have the item showing in the page, highlight the address / URL / the “www. .....co.uk”, copy & paste. On a tablet, put your finger in the address, select all, copy & paste ... I’m sure @nitram is better at explaining this than I am ... it’s kinda late (my excuse)
YES! Yes yes yes. The SW and hospital (first time round) pretty much said that even if he DID have dementia, there wasn't anything more that could be done with an actual diagnosis that wasn't already being done. BUT the point is, HE WOULD HAVE HAD THAT DIAGNOSIS for everything else, and anything in the future! I just wanted that formal diagnosis, to confirm everything we had witnessed, so that we could move forward (at a snail's pace, it seems!).
Oooh, I've done more than that. Having observed care visits of just 4 minutes (instead of the scheduled 30!) I have gone "formally" nuts at his GP, social services, and his care team. Not JUST about the "care" visits (how the *bleep* does a microwave meal even get heated in that time?!? Let alone emptying pee bottles, etc!) but about the general neglect of a "vulnerable man" who is "at serious risk of harm" etc etc. This is currently being digested by everyone thanks to Adult Safeguarding taking notice, and I'm not going to let this go.
I hope you have a lot more support as time goes on! I was also going to suggest that if you need to go out etc and the carers aren't on time regularly, you might consider a keysafe. This has worked out very well for my father (about the only thing that has, lol) - of course this doesn't stop your mother feeling or being rushed, but at least you would know you could pop out for dog walking etc without being tied to the carer timings. See how it goes in the meantime
Like this? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Secure-Transfer-Walking-Release-Plastic/dp/B00M8DTHNI
That does look useful. Is there an OT or physio, you can ask for advice?
Sam, that particular one seems to be in stock in the States but not the UK. If you (or anyone) on TP ever needed anything from the US Amazon website that you can't get shipped to you, I would help.
Well, maybe not if it's jelly beans for @Amethyst59; I'm not sure we should support that habit…teasing! I am teasing! When you come to collect me from Heathrow I'll have hugs for everyone and jelly beans for Amethyst!!
That does look useful. Is there an OT or physio, you can ask for advice?
Sam, that particular one seems to be in stock in the States but not the UK. If you (or anyone) on TP ever needed anything from the US Amazon website that you can't get shipped to you, I would help.
Well, maybe not if it's jelly beans for @Amethyst59; I'm not sure we should support that habit…teasing! I am teasing! When you come to collect me from Heathrow I'll have hugs for everyone and jelly beans for Amethyst!!
Oh, and I meant to say, I think the idea with the gait belts is that it gives you something to hold onto rather than a person's arm or hand or whatever, so you help with balance and weight transfer, but don't bruise them if they start to slip by grabbing an arm. Not a very technical explanation but I'm sure there are videos on YouTube, although I'd get a professional to show you.
Yes that's what I was thinking. Good idea to ask OT what might be available here. Thanks Sam I'll give it a try next time.
You may find that the OT/physio disapproves of gait belts. They seem to be considered a no-no these days,
Morning @rainbowcat
I think you said his GP confirmed dementia, you can still get a Council Tax disregard if the GP will sign the form with date of diagnosis, tbh, I don’t think an official diagnosis makes much difference for much else, apart from the attitude of nurses & carers. OT were helpful with grab rails etc, but that might be because I kicked off major time last year. (ASC discharged her from their services as she was cured! I congratulated them on finding the cure for Alzheimer’s & asked them to share. Turned out they didn’t even know about that, but were discharging from a broken hip Op)
I so hate that you have to kick off, cry, badger to get anything done. I know it’s money, or rather, the lack of it, but it’s wrong. Our parents, OH’s have us fighting for them. What about those who have no one?
Mum is already saying she wants to stop the carers. She hates so many people coming round all the time. I can see the personal care visits ending & her still struggling. I don’t know how long she will get help for or what can be offered after this crisis care ends.
We have a key safe, left in from mums hip replacement Op care. Took me a few guesses to get the right combination as Mum couldn’t remember lol. I’m just nervous of leaving her alone right now. I want to check with the various services & get their take on it. I try to take pooch for a 30-40 minute walk in the morning while Mum has an hour visit. I pretty much leg it round the block, 10 minutes for 2 more walks, but I don’t feel right leaving her. I know I will have to at some stage, but she can’t do the stairs alone & she refuses to use the downstairs one.
How did we get to this mess :-(
I think you said his GP confirmed dementia, you can still get a Council Tax disregard if the GP will sign the form with date of diagnosis, tbh, I don’t think an official diagnosis makes much difference for much else, apart from the attitude of nurses & carers. OT were helpful with grab rails etc, but that might be because I kicked off major time last year. (ASC discharged her from their services as she was cured! I congratulated them on finding the cure for Alzheimer’s & asked them to share. Turned out they didn’t even know about that, but were discharging from a broken hip Op)
I so hate that you have to kick off, cry, badger to get anything done. I know it’s money, or rather, the lack of it, but it’s wrong. Our parents, OH’s have us fighting for them. What about those who have no one?
Mum is already saying she wants to stop the carers. She hates so many people coming round all the time. I can see the personal care visits ending & her still struggling. I don’t know how long she will get help for or what can be offered after this crisis care ends.
We have a key safe, left in from mums hip replacement Op care. Took me a few guesses to get the right combination as Mum couldn’t remember lol. I’m just nervous of leaving her alone right now. I want to check with the various services & get their take on it. I try to take pooch for a 30-40 minute walk in the morning while Mum has an hour visit. I pretty much leg it round the block, 10 minutes for 2 more walks, but I don’t feel right leaving her. I know I will have to at some stage, but she can’t do the stairs alone & she refuses to use the downstairs one.
How did we get to this mess :-(
Hi @Amy in the US
Careful. Offering to help with getting things could find you with a lounge full of stuff lol. I just love on line shopping. I could order a house full of stuff any day of the week
I must have missed the confession of jelly bean addiction, mine is nuts, I just can’t put a bag down once it’s opened. Maybe we should form a group to combat our addictions. Maybe not. I can’t do without munching on nuts.
I’ll ask Physio about any aids they recommend for the stairs. I was imagining a bungee type harness, I could just pull back slightly & race her to the top. .
Wouldn't it be amazing to meet up, I’ll bet the chat & hugging would be deafening. Pom poms at the ready for the meet lol. That’s put a smile on my face today.
Careful. Offering to help with getting things could find you with a lounge full of stuff lol. I just love on line shopping. I could order a house full of stuff any day of the week
I must have missed the confession of jelly bean addiction, mine is nuts, I just can’t put a bag down once it’s opened. Maybe we should form a group to combat our addictions. Maybe not. I can’t do without munching on nuts.
I’ll ask Physio about any aids they recommend for the stairs. I was imagining a bungee type harness
, I could just pull back slightly & race her to the top. . Wouldn't it be amazing to meet up, I’ll bet the chat & hugging would be deafening. Pom poms at the ready for the meet lol. That’s put a smile on my face today.
Hi @canary, I’m going to ask first & order if they think it’s any good. Getting Mum to use it might be a different matter though
How’s your OH doing? Are you getting any peace or sleep?
Im sorry your mum is getting fed up with the carers. It does unfortunately seem to be par for the course. I never got mum to accept any and as I wasnt living with her I couldnt insist
The only possible light at the end of the tunnel is that I know from OH that if I make something part of a new routine, then after about 3 weeks it is just accepted.
The other thing, of course, is that your mum could well be picking up on and mirroring your own impatience with the carers
The only possible light at the end of the tunnel is that I know from OH that if I make something part of a new routine, then after about 3 weeks it is just accepted.
The other thing, of course, is that your mum could well be picking up on and mirroring your own impatience with the carers
