Now I am going off in my mind in a completely different direction thinking of Kenneth Williams and Oh I say Matron!
referring to my mother as "mum"
- Thread starter evitakat
- Start date
Now I am going off in my mind in a completely different direction thinking of Kenneth Williams and Oh I say Matron!
I agree 100%. We never called my mother 'mum' either - she hated it, thought it sounded fat and frumpy!
I have never understood why they couldn't at the very least say, 'your mum,' or 'your mother'. As for this sort of thing over my mother's head, it would infuriate her even when her dementia was quite bad. There's a lot of talk of 'dignity in dementia' but somehow this doesn't extend to the simple matter of using someone's own name!
I think so called professionals somehow have the idea that it's 'cosy' or 'friendly'. Not to me - it's rude and patronising.
However I suspect I'm in a minority. I have a good friend who would often ask, 'How's mum?', meaning my mother. Sounds all wrong to me - I'd always at least add the 'your'.
I have never understood why they couldn't at the very least say, 'your mum,' or 'your mother'. As for this sort of thing over my mother's head, it would infuriate her even when her dementia was quite bad. There's a lot of talk of 'dignity in dementia' but somehow this doesn't extend to the simple matter of using someone's own name!
I think so called professionals somehow have the idea that it's 'cosy' or 'friendly'. Not to me - it's rude and patronising.
However I suspect I'm in a minority. I have a good friend who would often ask, 'How's mum?', meaning my mother. Sounds all wrong to me - I'd always at least add the 'your'.
One particular social worker I dealt with did this regarding my dad. And it sounded particularly patronising. "Well Dad will bla blah blah" nooo, not YOUR dad. MY dad. My father. Call him by his name or say "your father/dad" but don't presume you can say "Dad" like you've known him more than the couple of years (for a combined total of around 3 hours) of actuality.
I was always fairly offended when health care or other professionals referred to my mother by her first name rather than by "Mrs blank"
I make it a habit to turn the tables now: call me by my first name and you get called by your first name. Don't like it? Then tell me and we can get on an appropriately professional Mrs/ doctor basis.
I have a couple if doctors who are happy ( or at least deal with) me calling them by their first names, one who has always addressed me as Mrs x, and one who was basically forced into the appropriate form.
Sorry I've digressed. Yes its not so much mum or mother (she was always mummy to me) but the whole "does he take sugar" vibe. And she was my mother, not some random mother.
I'd be inclined , if confronted with someone who said "hows mum" to say "which mum? Yours or mine?"
I make it a habit to turn the tables now: call me by my first name and you get called by your first name. Don't like it? Then tell me and we can get on an appropriately professional Mrs/ doctor basis.
I have a couple if doctors who are happy ( or at least deal with) me calling them by their first names, one who has always addressed me as Mrs x, and one who was basically forced into the appropriate form.
Sorry I've digressed. Yes its not so much mum or mother (she was always mummy to me) but the whole "does he take sugar" vibe. And she was my mother, not some random mother.
I'd be inclined , if confronted with someone who said "hows mum" to say "which mum? Yours or mine?"
Living in Australia, I have been reading this thread with some surprise. I cannot think of one professional person that we have had to deal with in the last few years (and there have been many) that we were not on a first name basis.
If we are seeing some one for the first time, they always introduce themselves by their first name and then say that they are one of the doctors, nurses, physios etc. Staff at our local surgery always use first names and I have to say that I never feel that any of them are being disrespectful or patronizing. Indeed, they do everything they can to be kind and helpful.
I have a couple of friends whose mums are both suffering with Alzheimer's. I don't know what these ladies' first names are so I always ask after their mums. No offense meant and none taken.
I think that people can call you by your full title and still be quite rude and disrespectful and that it's the way people deal with you that matters and a good or bad attitude can be conveyed in a variety of ways. And frankly I couldn't care less what someone calls me just as long I am getting the best treatment and care that is available.
Maybe we are just a whole lot more informal than in other parts of the world but I personally could not take issue with how we are treated.
If we are seeing some one for the first time, they always introduce themselves by their first name and then say that they are one of the doctors, nurses, physios etc. Staff at our local surgery always use first names and I have to say that I never feel that any of them are being disrespectful or patronizing. Indeed, they do everything they can to be kind and helpful.
I have a couple of friends whose mums are both suffering with Alzheimer's. I don't know what these ladies' first names are so I always ask after their mums. No offense meant and none taken.
I think that people can call you by your full title and still be quite rude and disrespectful and that it's the way people deal with you that matters and a good or bad attitude can be conveyed in a variety of ways. And frankly I couldn't care less what someone calls me just as long I am getting the best treatment and care that is available.
Maybe we are just a whole lot more informal than in other parts of the world but I personally could not take issue with how we are treated.
Maybe you should!
In the village where I lived in UK we had a 'real' Lord and Lady living in the village. I didn't know who she was when for the first time that I met her, she was about to walk into the kitchen with very wet and muddy boots. I stopped her and insisted that she remove them. Second time she was about to do the same thing but I helped her get her boots off. Third time, she automatically took her boots off before she entered the kitchen. Fourth time she actually knocked on the door. By this time I had discovered her title and understood but wouldn't accept why she thought she could be rude to me.
However, by the time I left the village, we were on first names basis and she would sometimes phone and ask me down for coffee. She wasn't willing to show me respect at first but she got there in the end. With a little bit of help from me.
English is a terribly lazy language. When I lived in East Anglia I had to get used to words (and half sentences) being missed out. I often find that I type a response on here, and on checking it before I post, discover that what I have written is ambiguous and I have to add more words. Im one of the ones who would ask someone I know "hows mum?" or (if I didnt know them very well) "hows y'mum?" Its not intended to be be disrespectful or patronising - I hadnt even thought about it. God, Im going to be so paranoid about what I say now
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