I won't be any trouble

[love.dad.but..]

When I was looking after dad the week after mum died suddenly at home ...dad had chest pains and spent overnight in hospital and as is usual he had a wristband put on which I removed the following day at his house.

A month or so later I found him busily writing something on the wristband...he took ages to write it and when he had finished and gone out of the room it was a note to his long dead older brother who moved to New Zealand in the 60s...it said...

"Please can I visit you I won't be any trouble"...brought me to tears...he must have been feeling dreadful but couldn't verbally articulate that.

Anyway dad died last March and I have finally today felt like going through his little cupboard he had by his chair in his NH room...and so found the wristband at the back of a little drawer. I had forgotten all about
it....tears are flowing....blast this rotten illness that can still bite you on your bottom when you find something so sad 10 months later!

 

[Izzy]

Oh goodness. How poignant. I think you're so right about things coming back to bite you months later. It's almost a year and a half since my husband died and I'm still brought up unexpectedly by the smallest of things.

 

[Loopiloo]

Oh how very sad.... This horrible disease which does horrible things to the one with it and those who love them.

It is almost 19 months since my husband died and although I am gradually remembering happier times I still think a lot about the years my husband had dementia and how he suffered. I know there were times when he had clear thoughts and emotions but as you say, could not articulate them.

It is heart breaking, no wonder your tears are flowing. I wish I could say something comforting. But as you say, dementia can still bite you unexpectedly.

Loo xxx

 

[LadyA]

That's brought me to tears, can only imagine what it did to you, @love.dad.but.. .

 

[Amethyst59]

Oh bless his heart...but the note was found by a loving daughter, who was looking after him at the time. How much worse, if you had found the note and known he was all alone when he wrote it. You did your very best for him, take comfort in that ...and now he is at peace with your mum x x

 

[Bunpoots]

It is the littlest things which seem to bite the hardest too. I'm not surprised you had a few tears.

 

[Soobee]

That made my eyes water x

 

[karaokePete]

Sending a virtual hug. Stay strong.

 

[mab]

That certainly brought tears to my eyes too.
Maybe they are now visiting together ....?

 

[Scouts girl]

I understand how sad this must be for you to find after many months but we can just hope that our loved ones who have passed away because of this awful illness are with their loved ones somewhere free from dementia.
I hope you find strength and comfort in your memories of your mum and dad. Xxx

 

[love.dad.but..]

Thank you everyone. That curved ball took me completely by surprise. We found mum in the hall when we arrived for her 80th birthday lunch she had died the night before at tea time.. we found dad sitting in the car. The shock and trauma accelerated his mental decline. Trying to help dad with his grief and the dementia fog as well as trying to keep my grief beneath the surface so I could function for dad was probably the hardest time of dad's dementia during the following 4 years even with the many challenges although probably closely followed by the love lies in getting him to his NH and leaving him there.

Discovering the wristband just took my memory straight back to finding mum and the month that followed feeling so very sorry for dad.

Thank you all for reading. Like many on TP it is easier often to share things like that here than with family. Supportive OH has his own worries with leukaemia rather than having to re live my sad memories with me !

 

[CeliaThePoet]

I'm grateful for you for sharing your experience, though I admit it reduced me to abrupt tears at my desk when I read it yesterday, and I carried it around all evening. I'm thinking about you and hope you feel lighter today.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I'm grateful for you for sharing your experience, though I admit it reduced me to abrupt tears at my desk when I read it yesterday, and I carried it around all evening. I'm thinking about you and hope you feel lighter today.

Thank you CeliathePoet that is very kind and...Oops! Sorry that I caused the tears!

 

[Grannie G]

Discovering the wristband just took my memory straight back to finding mum and the month that followed feeling so very sorry for dad.

Poor dad. How sad.