Update- first 2 nights in care home

[father ted]

So as you all know after 8 years living with me, Mum went into local Care Home earlier this week.

She had stopped going to day care, she had stopped getting dressed most days, she had not had a bath for a few months, she was waking me up 4/5 times a night, she had poor appetite and not drinking much and quite anxious.
Well today I visited she was sitting in the lounge, dressed smartly, nails painted, hair washed and styled by one of the carers( not washed for 5 months). She looked far better than she has in months. She was pleased to see me told me she had actually had a bath and could find her own way to the toilet. They said she had made friends with a man there who she had lunch with on her first day and that the two of them chat a lot. And that last night Mum had slept ALL night, no getting up! Mum did say to me I don't know why I'm here and with this sudden change I am wondering too! It is very early days and I am quite prepared for a bomb to drop at anytime. She is on her best behaviour and in hostess mode I think. She may not be able to keep it up for too long. They did say she has refused to join in any activities so far but I still came away happy.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Good Father Ted...am glad the first couple of nights have gone quite well and will hope for the best that it continues. You sound realistic in thinking you may get blips as it is very early days but so far so good and don't wonder why she is there...remember the difficult days and nights which most probably will reappear at some point but thats for the staff now to handle while you visit as a daughter!Dad never joined in group activities but your mum may warm to them as she gradually settles in. Your mum has slept...So can you now!

 

[Grannie G]

I still came away happy.

That's what its all about father ted. Its such good news.

 

[Amy in the US]

That is so good to hear, @father ted, and thank you for the update.

My mother did very well in her care home, better than anyone expected. Given how she was in hospital and move in day st the care home, the staff frankly weren't surprised she would settle at all. But she did.

Looking back, I think a lot of her anxiety was caused, or made work, by her being at home. Now she was alone with no help, and that's not the same for your mum of course, but on some level my mother seemed to grasp that she no longer needed to worry about all the "home" things she could no longer manage.

I hope your mum does settle and that you feel she is safe and cared for. I know you still have a full time job caring for your daughter and that this is an adjustment for all of you.

 

[DMac]

That's great news, father ted. It's very early days yet, so be prepared for a bumpy ride ahead. But let's hope this is an early sign that your mum will, given time, settle well into her new environment.

 

[yak55]

So as you all know after 8 years living with me, Mum went into local Care Home earlier this week.

She had stopped going to day care, she had stopped getting dressed most days, she had not had a bath for a few months, she was waking me up 4/5 times a night, she had poor appetite and not drinking much and quite anxious.
Well today I visited she was sitting in the lounge, dressed smartly, nails painted, hair washed and styled by one of the carers( not washed for 5 months). She looked far better than she has in months. She was pleased to see me told me she had actually had a bath and could find her own way to the toilet. They said she had made friends with a man there who she had lunch with on her first day and that the two of them chat a lot. And that last night Mum had slept ALL night, no getting up! Mum did say to me I don't know why I'm here and with this sudden change I am wondering too! It is very early days and I am quite prepared for a bomb to drop at anytime. She is on her best behaviour and in hostess mode I think. She may not be able to keep it up for too long. They did say she has refused to join in any activities so far but I still came away happy.

Excellent news

 

[Kikki21]

That’s really good news & hope it continues!

 

[Prudence9]

I have everything crossed father ted, but that is wonderful news!

The (qualified) relief in your post is obvious. I hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend xxx

 

[karaokePete]

Great result. Don't question it - see it as proof that you made the right decision.

 

[karaokePete]

Great result. Don't question it - see it as proof that you did the right thing.

 

[Marcelle123]

So as you all know after 8 years living with me, Mum went into local Care Home earlier this week.

She had stopped going to day care, she had stopped getting dressed most days, she had not had a bath for a few months, she was waking me up 4/5 times a night, she had poor appetite and not drinking much and quite anxious.
Well today I visited she was sitting in the lounge, dressed smartly, nails painted, hair washed and styled by one of the carers( not washed for 5 months). She looked far better than she has in months. She was pleased to see me told me she had actually had a bath and could find her own way to the toilet. They said she had made friends with a man there who she had lunch with on her first day and that the two of them chat a lot. And that last night Mum had slept ALL night, no getting up! Mum did say to me I don't know why I'm here and with this sudden change I am wondering too! It is very early days and I am quite prepared for a bomb to drop at anytime. She is on her best behaviour and in hostess mode I think. She may not be able to keep it up for too long. They did say she has refused to join in any activities so far but I still came away happy.

Good news! No doubt, yes, there'll be a few 'bad days' lurking up ahead, but potentially your mother has a chance to have her anxieties relieved and enjoy the attention she will receive.

My mother just died, as I expect you know, but I am more grateful than words can say that she had her last year in the lovely dementia care home near us. John often says she was better looked after there than she'd ever been, with her meals cooked, clothes washed, hair styled, nails done & everyone prepared to go along with what she wanted.

I wouldn't go as far as that! But I do know that Mum was happier there than she had been during her last two years 'home alone' even though I was round the corner and saw or spoke to her every day. And it made me feel better too - naturally I questioned my decision at first, but Mum was settled and safe and when she was ill, I knew she'd get the attention she needed.

Hope all continues to go well and that your Mum continues to enjoy lunchtime conversations with her gentleman friend.

 

[cat64]

Two years ago we were in exactly the same stage as you.....terrified we had done wrong by moving mum!!......BUT with hindsight and time it was definately the right time and I'm sure you will feel the same soon.

My mum wasn't cooking, washing much less and piling the make up on! ! [ she looked orange ..layers of foundation] struggled to use money and the crunch was when she left the gas on, wouldn't feed the dog and kept leaving the doors unlocked!

She took a while to settle but now 2 years on I am so relieved ...the care home have been amazing keeping her safe, warm, fed and stimulated.[ in her own way...mum wouldn't join in much either but she played their piano sometimes,read books and talked to more people than she had for weeks!!]
We are now unfortunately nearer to end of life care as mum has deteriorated a lot in the last 6 months.

cherish the times you have with mum and hope she continues to settle in her own way.

 

[father ted]

Thank you all for your kindness.

My condolences to you Marcelle123 and my good wishes to you Cat64 and hope your Mum is comfortable and that when her time comes it is peaceful and easy.
I agree with everything both of you have said.