I've stopped counting

[Mameeskye]

I just realised that I had stopped counting weeks and looking at the clock every Wednesday to friday.

I feel sad in a way, worried that I do not care yet also pleased that this shadow is lifting.

I picked up a box buried in some papers this week. I couldn't for the life of me work out what it was. I opened it and the scent got to me, of Mum's wardrobe in the NH, and brought back the tears briefly. It was a couple of her Christmas decorations.

I am so glad that this did not happen at the start of winter, in the spring was a good time, for those of us left behind, when there is growth and life about us, to remind us that life continues.

Love you Mum

Mameeskye

 

[Skye]

I just realised that I had stopped counting weeks and looking at the clock every Wednesday to friday.

I feel sad in a way, worried that I do not care yet also pleased that this shadow is lifting.

Dear Mameeskye, please don't worry. You certainly care, but you have your life to live, and your two lovely boys to care for.

You'll never forget your mum, and little things, like the box, will trigger the tears for a long time to come.

But the body heals itself, and so does the soul. Be glad that you are healing, and can for the most part remember your mum with love and less pain.

It's what she would want.

Love and hugs,

 

[Tina]

Dear Mameeskye,

I stopped counting weeks, too, some time after loved ones of mine died, but it took a fair few months. I, too, at some stage stopped thinking about "the time". And I, too, still cry about little things now and again...something happens and I can hear my nan's voice; a whiff of perfume or the face cream my aunt used to use; laughing about something funny and knowing my uncle and gramps would have enjoyed it because it was so typical of their sense of humour...

I'm often scared I might forget...but the memories are still vivid and intense, I can still hear the voices, the sound of laughter, typical things they used to say....

I remember and smile a lot, and I can do that because I know they would have wanted me to. Never have David Harkins' words been more appropriate : "you can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn back, or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

The off days still happen too. Those are the times when I find it a bit hard to remember and be glad for what I had because I miss them so much here and now. But the good spells are much longer now.

Thinking of you.
Love Tina xx

 

[CraigC]

Dear Mameeskye,

One thing I have learnt over the last few months is grieving has no rules or boundries and is a very long process. I too have just about stopped counting although the six month landmark is coming up along with scattering the ashes.

Your post really touched me as the scent does it for me too. I intentionally kept a couple of mums scarves and keep them in a drawer for the future as I never ever want to forget her wonderful smell. I've not had the strength to hold them up close yet, but get a waft when I open the bottom drawer where they are safely tucked away - the smell lifts me and brings me down at the same time. Smell is a powerful emotional sense and brings back powerful memories for me.

Also just started looking at photos, not sure how you cope with this. It is hard and sets me off everytime but taking it slowly.

Life continues, but like you I miss my mum dearly. Would love to just pick up the phone and tell her how much I love her.

good to talk
x

 

[LIZ50]

Dear Mameeskye

I am still at the stage where I count the weeks - 8 weeks now but if feels as though the pain is getting easier to deal with and I've decided that I feel able to deal with scattering Mum's ashes this weekend although I'll probably be a blubbering wreck afterwards.
I still can't look at photos of Mum yet - in fact, a lovely photo of her that I had in my lounge I've had to put away in a drawer as it still hurts too much to look at but I guess I'll know when the time is right for it to resurface.
With regard to the scent, I wear the perfume that Mum always wore as I bought some for her birthday in February - Tresor by Lancome - and it makes me feel that she is close to me and with me always.
Yes, life does go on even when we are hurting and, like you, I feel a certain relief that Mum passed away in the Summer as she loved the warm weather and would always say to me on a sunny day 'lovely day today Liz' and I now find myself saying every morning 'lovely morning today Mum' but I say it with a smile on my face as I remember my darling Mum and the beautiful person that she was.
Keep smiling Mameeskye.
Love Liz xx

 

[Lynne]

I miss my mum dearly. Would love to just pick up the phone and tell her how much I love her.
x

Craig: You just did.

.