Struggle getting mum out of bed

[spuddle]

Hi, and happy new year.
I'm hoping for some advice on how to help mum out of bed in the morning if anyone else has had a similar problem.
Mum sleeps very well, usually getting a good 9 hours sleep. Up until recently her mobility has been good (for an 84 yr old) but she has become quite unsteady since a short stay in hospital. She has a carer come to assist getting her up in the morning and for the last 7 weeks me or my sister have been staying with her
It is becoming very difficult to get her out of bed in the morning but once she is up she tootles about quite happily. She screams and thrashes about when we touch her to help her up. We ask her what is wrong, if she is in pain etc? She just says (or screams) that she doesn't want to... very much like a toddler ( she is at that kind of stage). We don't want to just leave her in bed sleeping, worrying that it will upset her "routine" but are at a loss as to how to help. I've set a music alarm to wake her gently for half hour before we try waking her. Her carer is only supposed to have half hour visit but lately it is taking 2 of us an hour just to get her up. We've also tried bringing her toast up to her bedroom to try and tempt her with the smell of hot buttered toast. Ive tried lying next To her singing " there were 2 in the bed and the little one said roll over".... while trying to get her to roll over. Other times we have gone for a quick but very shouty shove and pull to get her to the side of the bed. this feels harsh but it seems to avoid a prolonged upset gor her. I'm quite sure that she is physically capable but just seems to have hit some kind of mental block about the whole process. I would be very grateful for any suggestions on how to help or if anyone has had a similar problem. Thanks.

 

[Tin]

Is she in a single bed? It would be easier. try building up the pillows behind her. My mum just cannot get up from a flat position and all her life she has always used one flat pillow, so on the mornings that she is having a problem I put thicker cushions on the bed so that she is in a kind of sitting position in bed. I do have a very thick 'v' shaped pillow and when her mobility is very bad I make sure this is in place before she goes to bed. I am on my own with a bad back at the moment so finding this position a lot easier to deal with. She has a small double bed, but I am going to change this to a single bed very soon, when she rolls into the middle of present bed I find it really difficult to move her to the edge.

 

[DeMartin]

Wonder if she is stiff and aching in the morning, perhaps a dose of pain pill and some lighthearted range of motion/stretchs would help loosen everything up.

 

[Cuz]

Hi Spuddle,
I share your pain and concern.Getting Dad up and in to a chair next to his bed is now quite a trauma for all. Sometimes he is good and will move with you but mostly not. We try to take him a cuppa first then coax him to work with us over the next hour. Often all methods fail and its is just damn difficult to say the least. We did have one episode where he refused to move for over 60 hours, at this point we had no choice but to change him in situ in bed. We have not found a method yet that works. So good luck and stay strong.

 

[LynneMcV]

I feel for you.

My husband became difficult to get up in the mornings about 5mths ago now. It became quite a traumatic experience for both of us and generally ended with him shouting and hitting out in frustration.

Like you, I didn't want him to be sleeping his days away - especially as he started to miss out on getting to weekly groups and the chance to socialise.

I had to accept that I wasn't going to get him up without a fight - and that wasn't the way I wanted each and every day to start for either of us.

In our case I found a reasonable balance. On days where we had nothing specific planned I let him stay in bed - on these days it is around 1.30pm before he is ready to get up. I wouldn't say he is thrilled when he gets up, but at least he remains mosty calm and happy for the rest of the day.

On days when we do have plans to go somewhere we sleep downstairs. He has a riser/recliner armchair which he sleeps quite well in it. The bonus is that when he wakes and finds himself in the front room, rather than the bedroom, he is happy to get up more or less straightaway, rather than go back to sleep. The controls on the riser /recliner also help ease him to his feet.

I don't think there is much that can be done about the need to sleep longer - it seems to be part and parcel of the dementia progressing.

 

[Fullticket]

I have terrible trouble getting mum to get up. I now have carers in Monday to Friday to do the job for me - and shower her and wash her hair, which has taken the load off of my conscience. No idea how they do it but they are here for an hour and they manage to deliver her to me in the kitchen all clean and shiny for her breakfast. Long may it last. Weekends though she will remain in bed all day unless I get tough with her (hits self with big guilt stick!). She goes into the local care home for respite every so often and they asked me once if it was OK to insist she gets up, otherwise they can't shift her until lunch time and it disrupts their routine and the cleaning schedule. I told them they can use as many levers and sticks as they like if it gets her out of her bed (I know they won't obviously!) but it reassured me in one way that it is not just me she is resisting in the mornings.
I am having to look at ways of easing the passage from bed to floor as the bed's low and she is finding it difficult to heave herself up onto her feet. It seems sometimes that you just sort out one problem and another three arrive to be dealt with.

 

[spuddle]

Wonder if she is stiff and aching in the morning, perhaps a dose of pain pill and some lighthearted range of motion/stretchs would help loosen everything up.

Thanks very much for reply. We have been wondering about this.

 

[spuddle]

Thanks very much for reply. We have been wondering about this.

 

[spuddle]

Thank you all very much for your replies (i haven't worked out how to reply individually. We are trying anything and everything so thanks again xxx

 

[Loopiloo]

am having to look at ways of easing the passage from bed to floor as the bed's low and she is finding it difficult to heave herself up onto her feet. It seems sometimes that you just sort out one problem and another three arrive to be dealt with.

When you have managed to get her legs out of bed and feet on the floor, might it help her to stand up, if you positioned a zimmer close to her, with you firmly holding it steadily in front of her, while she used the zimmer to lean on and heave herself to her feet?

Loo

 

[Fullticket]

Thanks Loopiloo
We have tried that and until a few weeks ago we were getting on fine. It's since she was hospitalised in November we have been noticing more and more problems in just about everything - mobility, memory, cognitive ability anxiousness and most seriously she has forgotten she needs to drink and eat (tbh I preferred it when she refused just to spite me!).

 

[la lucia]

Hi, and happy new year.
I'm hoping for some advice on how to help mum out of bed in the morning if anyone else has had a similar problem.
Mum sleeps very well, usually getting a good 9 hours sleep. Up until recently her mobility has been good (for an 84 yr old) but she has become quite unsteady since a short stay in hospital. She has a carer come to assist getting her up in the morning and for the last 7 weeks me or my sister have been staying with her
It is becoming very difficult to get her out of bed in the morning but once she is up she tootles about quite happily. She screams and thrashes about when we touch her to help her up. We ask her what is wrong, if she is in pain etc? She just says (or screams) that she doesn't want to... very much like a toddler ( she is at that kind of stage). We don't want to just leave her in bed sleeping, worrying that it will upset her "routine" but are at a loss as to how to help. I've set a music alarm to wake her gently for half hour before we try waking her. Her carer is only supposed to have half hour visit but lately it is taking 2 of us an hour just to get her up. We've also tried bringing her toast up to her bedroom to try and tempt her with the smell of hot buttered toast. Ive tried lying next To her singing " there were 2 in the bed and the little one said roll over".... while trying to get her to roll over. Other times we have gone for a quick but very shouty shove and pull to get her to the side of the bed. this feels harsh but it seems to avoid a prolonged upset gor her. I'm quite sure that she is physically capable but just seems to have hit some kind of mental block about the whole process. I would be very grateful for any suggestions on how to help or if anyone has had a similar problem. Thanks.

We had a grab bar fitted to my mother's bed and a physio came and trained me in getting her to roll on her side and use it to pull herself up to sitting. The domiciliary carers were taught the same.

It made a big difference. I work on the principle of 'use it or lose it' so use the same keywords - push up, stand up, straighten up, repeatedly. I won't help until she has attempted it herself first.

This kept us going for a whole year although a current hospital visit seems to have clobbered her mobility on the head, sadly.

Anyway, ask for an urgent assessment and see if anything can be fitted to help. We also had blocks fitted on the sofa to make it easier to get up from. Best of luck with it.