Grumpy OH
- Thread starter Beads
- Start date
Well done you margherita playing him at his own game. Only you do it better as you say. That's so funny .At least they will soon be gone then you might not see him for a long time .The longer the better. Speak soon xxxHi @Beads ,
I'm so glad you will be on holiday, far from your husband's bad moods. You need a break.
I'm sure you will enjoy every minute of it
My stepson arrived with his son this afternoon.
I pretended to be glad to see themand disappeared into the kitchen .
When it was dinner time (8.00 pm) I told them it was ready ( in perfect butler style).
He played the role of the affectionate son and I played the role of the pleased hostess.
I am sure he is false, but I can be worse than him.
Looking forward to your book.
It would mean you are better.
Thinking of what you told the out of hour doctor, being a carer is a real desease.
It would mean you are better.
Thinking of what you told the out of hour doctor, being a carer is a real desease.
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Oh, Mia...you have been so poorly! It is so hard for you, you should have had someone to look after you...and you should have time to convalesce...but I’m guessing you are just having to push on through? It is hard reading things like this and not being able to help. I a, surprised the doctor did not advise emergency respite care...if he thought you were so ill that you might have been on chemo?! It sounds like your immune system is shot to pieces. Did he really just prescribe antibiotics and then leave you to it?
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I am in agreement with Amethyst here. You need some rest to recover. And someone needs to care for you. You sound very ill indeed. Bless you...who cares for the carer. Its a dilemma. Hope the antibiotics are effective.
OMG MIA this sounds awful, poor you. As if life wasn’t bad enough! That infection sounds really nasty and of course, being a carer you’re probably not firing on all cylinders - in fact if you’re like me I’m not sure where my cylinders are, more like damp, soggy, squibs really. Yes, the joys of Christmas etc. I mean you can’t exactly go visiting when you’re feeling like death, can you? In my humble opinion relatives should be sorry for you, not furious! As you say when you feel a bit better have a rant about it all on here. It’ll do you good, we all need to let our hair down etc and it’s sad that we can only do it online, but hey let’s make the most of modern technology
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I have survived Christmas and thankfully it wasn’t too bad. Tempers were kept and efforts were made. I don’t think it’ll last till New Year........but we shall see.
I do hope you start to feel better soon, try to take as much care of yourself as you can .......easy said I know.
Hope to hear from you soon x
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I have survived Christmas and thankfully it wasn’t too bad. Tempers were kept and efforts were made. I don’t think it’ll last till New Year........but we shall see.
I do hope you start to feel better soon, try to take as much care of yourself as you can .......easy said I know.
Hope to hear from you soon x
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Hi Margherita,
Shall we write another film script....Still Alice is about the Alz experience...perhaps there is a major motion picture in the carer experience. The other victims....who cares for the carers?
Hi @PalSal
I often say that in my next life I want to be a script writer
.In particular I'd like to turn novels into film scripts.
Who knows?
Who Cares For the Carers. Great film...or novel. But what would the ending be? When I was caring for Norman it seemed to me that he was being kept alive and well enough(just) so that we could get to hospital appointments. I grew to hate that hospital, the drive to it, the waiting rooms...and I SO wanted it to end. But I realised, the only way it would end was when Norman died.
And there are so many people on here who have said...I miss the constant talking and questions, now that he cannot speak. Or, I miss him in the house, now he is in a care home.
On a lighter note...what we need is part time lives. Mum and I often used to talk about this. Life is all....or nothing. I was snowed under with children...she was a widow living alone. I wanted some time alone...but not to be completely alone as she was. She wanted some family life...but not to be as I was.
We thought the ideal solution was to rent children. Just have them for a while ....but not all day and every day. So...I have one PWD to rent. Clean, reasonably tidy, wakes occasionally at night, fairly happy in the day. All offers considered.
And there are so many people on here who have said...I miss the constant talking and questions, now that he cannot speak. Or, I miss him in the house, now he is in a care home.
On a lighter note...what we need is part time lives. Mum and I often used to talk about this. Life is all....or nothing. I was snowed under with children...she was a widow living alone. I wanted some time alone...but not to be completely alone as she was. She wanted some family life...but not to be as I was.
We thought the ideal solution was to rent children. Just have them for a while ....but not all day and every day. So...I have one PWD to rent. Clean, reasonably tidy, wakes occasionally at night, fairly happy in the day. All offers considered.
The carer disappears and nobody will ever hear of/from her. Rumors say she is living on a tropical island with her young and handsome lover.
I can think of other endings, but they are not happy..
I do not know if one day I may miss my husband. I know I miss my freedom now. I am sure I won't miss these days/ months/years lived in loneliness, frustration and anger
It is the house where I live.
I could never call it "my house".
It is not mine ,actually. It is husband's, but, above all, I do not feel at home here.
I am a guest- carer, husband is a host-employer.
The picture was taken after it snowed early in December. I like the contrast between the hedge with orange berries and the white of the snow.
And I am lying awake in my husband’s house. How did this happen to both of us?
My husband died nine months ago, after 6 years of diagnosed Alzheimer's, and I don't know how many years of undiagnosed before that. He was74. We had been together for 50 years, since 1966. I cannot say that ours was a happy marriage past the first few years. I wanted to leave when things got really bad, our daughters were about 10 and 13, and having always been the main breadwinner, I could have supported us. My husband threatened suicide, he may or may not have done it, but as he suffered from depression, I felt I couldn't live with that risk so stayed. In a strange way, the last few years (except for the final one, when things got really hard to cope with) were among the best, as he forgot to be mean and sour, sucking the joy out of life, and began to actually appreciate what life could be. I told him he had always enjoyed seeing places, traveling, family visits, picnics, and he believed me and we did many things together that in the past he had refused to join in. He seemed at last, to have fun.
I never felt in any way that I would miss him when he died, and I suppose that really, I don't. As my daughters, now in their 30's, said, he always managed to ruin Christmas with his anger and lack of the ability to relax and join in, and certainly this Christmas was happy and enjoyable with children and their other halves and grandchildren and friends who i am now free to see and who are so wonderful and understanding and have been so supportive over the last hard years.
What has taken me so by surprise is how sad I have felt this last nine months. How I find it hard not to cry every day, even between lovely times of happiness with friends and family. I think it must be regret for what seems a wasted and lost life. My husband took so much pleasure from doing simple things that were fun these last six years. He loved to see his grandchildren and was good with them in a way he had never been with his own lovely girls. He found fun in ways he had never managed before in simple things. Our friends all commented that although it was tragic he should have developed Alzheimer's, he was a much nicer person to be with, even if confused. It all seems such a waste of so many years. He, and we, should have been so much happier. I am crying again. My new year resolution must be to look forward, not back, but it all seems so sad. We never know how we will really feel until the person has actually gone.
Happy New year to all of you whilst you cope and manage and life muddles on.
Your words are so poignant , Jenny.
I can't write a longer reply, because I've to give husband his breakfast.
I'll comment on some points later. You have made me think of my current behaviour
Hi @Jennyc ,
I have been thinking of your experience.
I had never imagined that a PWD might be a better person than they were before dementia.
My husband has not improved, I'm afraid, but I must admit I am much worse than only some years ago.
His illness arrived when I was already disappointed and annoyed with many aspects of his character.
If I want to be honest (which I do, it would be pointless to lie with all of you), I have to say I do not like to share my life with him. Even the things I would enjoy doing become boring and annoying if done with him.
I can't overcome resentment not over what he is like now, but over he was in the past.
I care for him, his house, his clothes, his meds..and so on. I do not feel like to share anything with him.
I'm doing and will do what he needs, but nothing more.
I have been thinking of your experience.
I had never imagined that a PWD might be a better person than they were before dementia.
My husband has not improved, I'm afraid, but I must admit I am much worse than only some years ago.
His illness arrived when I was already disappointed and annoyed with many aspects of his character.
If I want to be honest (which I do, it would be pointless to lie with all of you), I have to say I do not like to share my life with him. Even the things I would enjoy doing become boring and annoying if done with him.
I can't overcome resentment not over what he is like now, but over he was in the past.
I care for him, his house, his clothes, his meds..and so on. I do not feel like to share anything with him.
I'm doing and will do what he needs, but nothing more.
