just a quick vent....

[Suzanna]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

(sorry, that needed to be done!)

Is it just me.... or is it noone elses right to judge a carer for how much they are are able to take on??! Just had a useful meeting with SS about extra care available to look after my Mum so that my Dad can have some weekends off (he works weekdays and cares for Mum -stage 6/7 - in the evenings and on weekends). SS provide a carer for while dad is at work already, but we (my Dad and I) have asked if there is funding for some extra care at weekends so my Dad can have time off to go Sailing etc. They have organised this through Direct Payments, rang my Sister (who incedently hates our father to the point of no repair) to tell her and was met with...

"well why does he even need weekends off - what does he do all week? we shouldnt be getting other people looking after mum, its bad enough that someone looks after her all day in the week"

grrrrrrr. I do see her point in some respects, it would be better if we could keep mums care 'in the family' but i don't see that it is within our right to be saying Dad doesn't need weekends off. In my opinion he is entitled to as much time off as he needs, people are all different, and while one person might be able to cope with 24 hour care provision by themselves, others don't feel able to provide any care for others - surely we shouldn't impose our own opinions on situations like this??

I tried explaining, i said that if she was the sole carer for Mum then i wouldn't dream of making her feel bad about however much time she wanted off. She didn't get it.

Sorry for the rant. all opinions/similar experiences welcome!

Suzanna

PS: anyone any experience of direct payments??

 

[Margarita]

"well why does he even need weekends off - what does he do all week? we shouldnt be getting other people looking after mum, its bad enough that someone looks after her all day in the week

So why does your sister not look after your mother , while your father works so keeping it in the family

Your father should get a medal for working full time , then still caring for your mother when he gets home .

Hope your father gets the respite for the weekend .

 

[connie]

Dear Suzanna, rant away. It's allowed

One question: Is your sister a carer? If the answer is 'no' then she should be quiet.

Your dad is entitled to some 'me' time. After working all week, and caring for your dear mum in the evenings and nights a little time to himself can make all the difference.

Enables a carer to recharge their batteries. Can stop complete breakdowns or burnout. I am glad that dad feels he can take time for himself.

Sorry no experience of Direct Payments. Sure someone will have some useful information soon.

 

[Suzanna]

cheers

cheers for the responses guys,

My sister isn't a carer, no. It's just good to hear that people agree with me that it isn't anybodys place to say how much care another person should be able to provide. I will support my Dad all the way!

My sister can't care for Mum during the week as she works full-time, she has agreed that we should try and cover the care at the weekends ourselves first (my Uncle, her and me - though my Uncle hasn't looked afer Mum - his sister - for an hour let alone a weekend, so i don't see that happening!) and then call in a carer if necessary.... it is a compromise i suppose, but i reckon if we can't cover it she will then resort back to "why does dad need to go sailing this weekend anyway!?"

oh dear! These things would be so much easier if families could work together and support each other rather than tear each other to bits as mine seem to!

hope everyone else is ok,

Suzanna

PS: cautiously opptomistic about the results of new drug being trialed that was on the news tonight... hope for some of us perhaps? particularly those of us few and far between with the Genetic form!

 

[Margarita]

Even thought your father has carers coming in from every day on weekdays while he works.

Has your father also been allocated respite yearly?
Every carer in UK is legal entitled to respite every year.

I get 8 weeks a years, where my mother goes into a care home for 2 weeks . The 8 weeks is spread over the whole year

As I wondering, they must be funding for that kind of respite for your father also .

So could you not ask social services to take the funding from there ,but give it to your father for the weekends?

Paying for someone to sit with your mother at they home , while your father gets time for himself ?