money obsession

[stevet2607]

I have read on here that OCD is normal with Dementia. My father seems obessed with counting his money. When I call to chat, often the first thing he says is how much he has in his savings, his current account, and his wallet. He tells me that he visits the back often, sometimes daily. What makes it more worrying is that he gets very confused about money units and often says thousands when he means tens or hundreds.

Is this sort of behaviour normal? Dad is diagnosed with Vas dementia.

I'm working towards power of attorney and have many controls already in place with his bank so that he cannot overspend, but he is totally against giving me control because "he enjoys his money so much" Its only a matter of time before he gets conned or makes a big mistake.

Other posters experiences would be welcome, thanks, Steve

 

[sue38]

Hi Steve,

Yes I think you will find that this is very common. In our experience it only lasted a short time (to be replaced by other obsessions, such as why he can no longer drive ) but others have had this for a long time.

It sounds as though you have done the right things already (limits at the bank and so on) and I'm sure others will be along with ideas to try and protect your Dad.

 

[bert]

hi there steve. my 78 year old dad is constantly getting his wallet out, looking inside it and also gets confused with the notes, believing 10 pound notes are 100 pound notes. hes also obsessed with his house keys, especially when hes in the pub, fiddling about with them. ive bought him shirts with a button on the breast so that helps. wish i had some advice for you but im in a similiar boat

all the best

bert

 

[Deexox]

Hi Steve

From my expierence with my granda he had the exact same obsession as your dad. He constantly counted his money, and told everyone how much he had though he regularly got confused saying he had 3 thousand when he meant 3 hundred. Then eventually he started misplacing money and giving large ammounts away to grandchildren etc (which of course we all gave back)

Once the limits are in place with the bank that really is all you can do until you have power of attorney. I know that because of the diagnosis of dementia the bank can put an alert on the account that says when he takes out say over £70 they will ring the next of kin and let you know. Maybe you can try this??? It's only a suggestion

Hope this helps

Dee xoxoxoxox

 

[gigi]

Hello Steve,

Money is definitely an issue with Dementia...most of us here seem to have come across it at some point in the illness...

The loss of understanding as to what money really is worth..and what things cost..along with the inability to handle personal finances ..is frustrating..

Sounds as though you're doing the right things...

It's just a case of "playing it by ear"...

And it's probably a phase that will pass....eventually..

Love gigi xx

 

[Clive]

Hi

Had a similar problem with mum. She would sit and count her money all day. If she had less than (if I remember right !) £20 she was panicking that the “milkman would come and she couldn’t pay him”. If more than £80 (my memory fails me !) she was panicking that the burglars would come.

I was fortunate that mum soon became happy for me to take her to the bank in the car, which helped limit the amount she had. I was also able to remove her chequebook and bank statements to prevent any visitor being able to set up a direct debit etc (as one of the Utility salesmen once did). Fortunately mum was too old to have got into the plastic card habit.

I managed to get the Power of Attorney set up by showing mum that the Utility companies were taking too much money each month by their direct debits, and assuring her that I could sort it out if she signed a paper (EPA) that would allow me to talk to these people.

Best wishes

Clive

 

[fearful fiona]

Hello Steve,

My Mum, when she was at home, had a thing about keys and money. You are doing the best thing with limiting amounts at the bank. My Mum was always forgetting that she had paid people and tried to pay them again. Very fortunately, they were all honest and didn't take advantage of her.

My brother and I then exercised the Enduring Power of Attorney which helped no end, and Mum is now in a home, so the problem no longer arises. However she is always looking in her purse - we just put a few coins in it for her, which is fine because she no longer understands the different denominations.

Good luck.

 

[Grannie G]

From my experiences with both my mother and my husband, the obsession is all to do with insecurity.

People with dementia suffer such a loss of self esteem, losing long term skills and abilities, money helps them feel solvent in more than one way, and house keys ensure they have a roof over their heads.

When everything else is being lost, an obsession with money and house keys is
hardly surprising .

 

[Chrissyan]

Very, very common Steve. My Dad continually wants to know where all his money is. Does he have shares etc etc. He is always asking me to get print outs which I do at the supermarket when I get his shopping. Now I have to tear the top off which shows whatever hole in the wall I have I used, otherwise he thinks he has an account with Barclays or RBS or which ever one I have used.

 

[alfjess]

Hello Steve,

My Mum, when she was at home, had a thing about keys and money. You are doing the best thing with limiting amounts at the bank. My Mum was always forgetting that she had paid people and tried to pay them again.
Good luck.

Hi
Unlike your Mum, my Mum would pay no one. She definatelydidn't owe anyone any money. "She had never owed a penny in her life."
Which is true, but it meant she wouldn't pay bills,because she had never owed a penny in her life(I]
She insisted in going to the bank everyday (much to the dismay of the staff)

You know those faux cheques that a certain furniture company send for numerous £25.00 off, if you buy a suite? Mum believed they were real cheques and was at the bank everyday trying to lodge them

Taking control of my parent's (mum's) finances was one of the most sensitive things I had to do and I did it slowly, slowly, step by step

Good luck
Alfjess

 

[citydweller]

Oh my!

This is my first visit to TP, and it is a revelation. I am waiting for a diagnosis for my Mum, and have been feeling terrible about deciding to register the EPA [ I finally sent off the paperwork yesterday ] at a time when the staff of the mental health ward where she is being assessed keep telling me how well she is doing and how she'll be fine at home. I never knew that obsessing with money was a common symptom - I would have raised the alarm years ago.

I wish I knew how to respond to Mum when she starts:-

* she can't buy food because she hasn't any money but
* we will all be locked up because there is too much money in her account

Best wishes to everyone going through this

 

[Luca]

Hallo Steve.

Oh. I know. My husband B is at me all the time with regard money. What have we in the bank - where is it - how much. Can we afford etc. He is constantly on and I know tell him it's all under control - not that he takes it in. I have found since being on TP [not very long] that this money and driving, keys and looking at bank statements is 'normal' for our poor folk. Since being on TP I find the reading of the letters help me. Talk or read these letters and I hope you find help. Love. Luca.

 

[I'sdaughter]

keeping safe

I'm so glad i found this site such a lot has happened nd now mum in a care home & still nattering about the M word - dont mention money. Bfore the CH I managed to forward an allowance to mum each week after bills - food rent utilities DD's were paid - the bank was so so good nd kind nd mum went down daily (or more) nd drew out £10 till the allowance was used up that week - thankfuuly mum accepted this - never spent but put 'in the biscuit barrel' till i took it back to the bank - I'm sure they miss her -I'll send flowers for thier kindness. Isn't it a nightmare trying to protect them what with the Data Protection Act etc. Now in the home mum looks for £1.00 notes! in her purse nd now coins from her native country!aaaaaggghhhhhhaaaaaa what next. Don't seem two minutes since I was using distraction techniques on th children - now grown up & now doing it again 4 a mum. - Glass of wine time -

 

[May]

Glass of wine time -

all I can say is hold that thought! When the m - problem surfaces life becomes very difficult indeed. Having said that my Mum is long past that stage and sometimes I would give anything for her to be sat in the chair at home, counting her money - yet again,driving both Dad and I bananas.

 

[ChrisH]

money, money, money !!

I'sdaughter - what's your mum's native country? Perhaps I can find a few suitable coins from the tin of foreign ones I found when clearing out our attic a while back

My mum lives a long way away so keeping an eye on her finances isn't easy. She too worries about not having enough cash and wouldn't transfer money into her deposit account because she thought she wouldn't be able to get at it if she decided to have some work done on her home. She seems to get through an awful lot of cash for someone living alone who tends to pay for her groceries by debit card (which she keeps losing). She's taken to eating out in restaurants a lot and I worry she's being ripped off as she too has a habit of trying to pay for something twice. Being a '3rd party agent' on her accounts now means I can keep an eye on her finances online.

Chris

 

[Caz52]

Hi Steve,

Yeah it is very common, my grandma had it only for a ahort time and my mum did the same as you and put the account in both names. my Grnadma gets the odd day now when she worries if she has enough money in her purse (mum puts a couple of 10's in there so she doesn't worry) to pay the gardener or the window cleaner, (both of which have now been instructed to go round the corner to my mum's to be paid). she also went through a stage of hiding her money too, so look out for that!

Carrie

 

[sairbear1]

My dad has an obsession with money! He likes to draw his benefits out the bank (which he is also forgetting do!) and he keeps the money in a tin!!! He also sleeps with his wallet under his pillow!!
He has no idea whats what anymore. A salesman came round the other day and mum said he gave him £70!!! I was gutted! And this guy keeps returning!! I'm worried he's riping my parents off! My mum doesn't understand money either! Nightmare!

He also has an obsession with time but can't tell the time anymore!!!

 

[puddin'ead]

My dad did a cracker. A guy fixed the aerial on the roof, dad gave him 50 quid. The bloke said, sorry mate it's 60 quid, my dad said 60? Oh! Ok then, give me back that money I gave you, the man did. My dad gave him a tenner .
Dad also tried to buy 2 bottles of wine for 3 quid, nice try pa!

 

[christine_batch]

Trying in the early days of AD to keep some independence for Peter, I asked him to go round the corner for a loaf of bread.

Gave him the money and worried until he came back with the loaf.

Peter had walked into the shop picked up the loaf and gave me the loaf and the money I had given him for the bread - he had not paid for it.

Christine

 

[Margarita]

money helps them feel solvent in more than one way, and house keys ensure they have a roof over their heads.

That so true, even thought my mother at a stage that mum does not understand the value of money .

Mum still no I look after her money . As when I forget to get some kind of food mum like .

Mum says I give you my money and this is my house . I don't take it personnel anymore, because I've seen my mum slowly lose control over every thing physically that she could of done for herself in the past .

So when I see mum take back some power , making her feel she worth something , it make me as I don't get lots of moment of mum feeling good about herself anymore .

citydweller Oh my!

This is my first visit to TP, and it is a revelation. I am waiting for a diagnosis for my Mum, and have been feeling terrible about deciding to register the EPA [ I finally sent off the paperwork yesterday ] at a time when the staff of the mental health ward where she is being assessed keep telling me how well she is doing and how she'll be fine at home. I never knew that obsessing with money was a common symptom - I would have raised the alarm years ago.

I wish I knew how to respond to Mum when she starts:-

* she can't buy food because she hasn't any money but
* we will all be locked up because there is too much money in her account

Best wishes to everyone going through this

Hi citydweller .

Seem your post got lot lost in this thread .

Welcome to TP

* she can't buy food because she hasn't any money but
* we will all be locked up because there is too much money in her account

Just say don't worry I'll alway make sure you got money always to buy food no one going to lock us up , because I know how to sort every thing out with the bank to make sure you get your money with out being arrested.

Sound like your mother just needs reassurance, as your mother sounds like she feeling vulnerable in saying the above . So just add trust me mum all going to be OK I'll sort it out for you .

You may find if your mother has this worry on her mind , you may have to keep repeating the reassurance